Should I admit myself

these days im feeling so bad, I can’t take it anymore, I have thoughts and images I don’t like that just won’t leave me, I feel so heavy, I want to bump my head into a wall until I pass out so I can have a break, I want my brain ti stop working and leave me alone, I can’t exist like this, I’m constantly thinking about this stuff and feeling disturbed, it just won’t leave, what do I do? sorry if this is written so badly but I really need to vent

i’ve already posted about this before but i keep thinking about it. i was sitting next to a dog and it was laying on its back laying face away from me. i kept getting intrusive thoughts about touching the dog inappropriately. and i was petting the dog to prove to myself that i wouldn’t. i remember i was leaning on the dog. then he kicked me with his back legs three times. i also was rotating my shoulder cause it pops and cracks when i do and i was trying to relieve it. i think i touched the dog and on purpose too, because thoughts were going through my head. after the dog kicked me i sat there for a second just pure panic and i ran to the bathroom, just crying non stop. i dont think i deserve to cry tho. i think my life is a over. the more i try to remember the more scary thoughts of what could’ve happened pop up. i’m just in denial and i want to be sent to a mental hospital.

I dont know whats going on. I dont know if its OCD anymore. I know it was in the beginning. Ive been through a lot of trauma and had one little scary thought of killing my sister 4 months ago that has blossomed into this giant idea of me being a serial killer and wanting to hurt everyone (I never had any social issues growing up but I have had some trauma). Recently I’ve been having urges to just give in. And my mental images have been horrible and I can’t stop checking if I like them or not. I think I’ve convinced myself I have. This morning I woke up a shaking mess with an urge to unalive my family and when my mom left for work I was alone with my sister and couldnt stop vomiting uncontrollably. I dont know if i’m upset because I cant hurt anyone and I want to, or if I’m scared and just want my old life back. I was an avid horror and gore lover and now I’m convinced I want to do the things I’ve seen in the movies. Someone please help. I’m ready to check into the psych ward.