Not able to be the mommy I need to be

Hi. I’m a 2nd time mom. I just want to share how I had postpartum ocd. My first time was my worse nightmare. I was paralyzed. I’ve lived with OCD for a long time. After my son I fought like I never have and it was the best I ever felt in my whole life. Now I just had my little girl. I have it but it’s no where like I had it with him. Hold hope it gets better. I’m going to share some advice when it comes in turn on music and dance with your little one. Remind OCD it’s not taking over. Take small steps. 1 min, 5 mins, 15 mins until you see how much you can make it alone. Dance with your little one. Even if a thought comes in keep dancing. Worship music is my favorite. But I love country music too. When a thought comes, Just say maybe (that maybe a harder than it sounds. I know) or just keep dancing. You got this!

Also I want to share one more thing. Give yourself some grace. Your husband is standing with you in the hardest. He loves you. Believe that. It’s hard I know but hold truth in knowing that he’s there and supporting you in all of this. Don’t let ocd take that joy you deserve. Find time to show him how you care for him. Even if that means your thoughts wonder. Ask him how is day going? How you can be there for him today? Or if you know his love language try to do the one that he likes to receive it.

A lot of what you said resonates with me. It was just a month and a half ago when I began sliding down this “pit” that OCD and me engaging in my compulsions was putting me in. I was so afraid to tell my wife what was going on in my head because I didn’t know what she would think of me, but to be completely honest, the moment I told her and started getting the help here that I’ve needed I’ve slowly started getting my life back. She has been a rockstar and being able to be honest with her with what I’m going through has helped a lot in my battle, and while I still haven’t been able to feel like I’ve been able to give her and my daughter the full love they deserve I’m starting to get back there. OCD is definitely a tough beast but you being here is a good step towards conquering it

I’m a first time mom of an 8 month old and I can relate to things that you mentioned. I was afraid to tell my husband out of what he would think of me, how he or someone else would take my kid away, but the second I told him i felt so much better. It’s been a long journey so far but I can’t imagine doing it without him. It got to a point where I thought that I need to tell SOMEONE because I need help whatever way that looks like

Have you started therapy yet? Did they just say start with exposure?

30 years ago I was a new Mom with harm OCD. It was hell. I had nobody to talk to aabut it, and no help. Thankfully there is help now.

Even when you dont meant it at the moment? Sometimes I feel like iam lying to myself that I dont love him. But in reality I do. I just want this to end.

Do the thoughts ever go away? I feel like everything I do is wrong.

Really? I’ll do that! Thanks for the information!

I am so sorry you’re struggling. OCD is so hard. Do you have support you can reach out too-friends, family? I hope you can take a breath and remind yourself that OCD latches on to what you value. The fact that it’s latching on to being a mom, shows you love your family. Please give yourself grace. You’re doing the best you can, and you will pull through. I promise.