- Username
- Lucy Van Pelt
- Date posted
- 29w ago
Severity
How severe was your OCD at it’s worst?
How severe was your OCD at it’s worst?
Wake up? Intrusive thoughts- all the time 24/7 followed by flinches, tics shivers and constant ritualistic phrases to fight it. Groinal responses that hurt, like I got kicked in the groin. Stomach pain- panic attacks so bad I legit went fuzzy and started laughing before crying. Tension headaches— oh god I ruminate soooooooooo much I get such bad headaches. Ain’t healthy. I have high levels of cortisol and have a slow heartbeat so my hearts working extra to keep up with all this fucking anxiety. Yet.. even after all that, I’m still here. Standing. Even with my pocd, zocd, incest ocd, real event/false memory ocd- touch of harm and health concern…. I’m still here.
@ocdnoononi I’m so sorry but it sounds like you are a strong survivor! You should be proud!
@Lucy Van Pelt To a degree lol, but also I hope that it shows you- that you can also be way stronger even with everything caving in. That you’ll find out after a wave of worsening ocd that you come out on the other side.
@ocdnoononi Thank you ❤️
I couldn’t function at all. I’d sleep 2 hours a night for weeks. Can’t even describe how high the anxiety was. My physical symptoms including shaking, depersonalization, trouble breathing, nonstop panic. I’d pray 100 times a day just to make sure I was worthy etc… eventually hospitalization.
@Kris J 🙁
@Kris J How are you doing now?
At its worst, i had to voluntarily check myself into a clinic.
@Ifiknewthen Was that helpful?
@Lucy Van Pelt No. It was a place that had mostly people addicted to opiods. It was a nice place. A place the local hospital took me too. I started off getting a hospital room and then they transported me to this place called RI International. I mentioned ocd to the psychiatrist over the video thing they had before you leave. She didnt know much about ocd. This was like 2016-2017. They were just looking to get me outta there. I could have left any time i wanted cause i was voluntary. But looking back it was so ridiculous why i went in. You have to get with an ocd specialist and really open up about whatever is bothering you. As long as you are totally honest about everything, you will get better.
@Ifiknewthen I’m working so hard I just feel like it’s never going to be better. It is improving it’s just so slow.
@Lucy Van Pelt Dont put a timeline on it. It could take a long time. Its hard to face the fears surrounding your ocd. Just keep working at it and push through the anxiety. Sometimes we think what we fear the most is so horrible but over time as we do the erp we look back and see how silly the obsessions were.
@Ifiknewthen Thank you!
I had derealisation themed OCD which was triggered due to my illogical thoughts and later a real event but I am improved alot now, now I just let the thoughts be present and not answer them and enjoy the moments that are to be enjoyed, isn't it weird we fall for the traps of our mind even though we know it is completely illogical
@happiness._.123 Yes that’s true
I could not leave the house.
@Nica I’m there. I can’t leave without needing to shower. How are you now?
@Lucy Van Pelt I’ve been subclinical for 4 years now and recovered.
@Nica That’s amazing! Congrats!
i think it was at its worst actually when i was a kid cuz i felt i had to deal with everything on my own. i literally would panic and cry daily for months and the guilt and anxiety was so bad i felt like i had to vomit. things didn’t actually get better until a year later. i honestly hate thinking abt that time in my childhood 😭
@ineedhelplolz I’m so sorry. That’s too much for a child especially on their own. Hugs
@hellokittygirl This is what I’m going thru rn as a 12 yr. Any tips?
Sometimes I worry I’m too far gone
@Lucy Van Pelt I also worry about this for myself. You’re not alone.
@NJmom Hugs
I went to an urgent care 3x a week convinced I had any and every infection, put my partner through hell over it, and would still google for hours a night just to come up with the idea I had some rare form of cancer. every time I gave in it got worse
@alyssaw 🙁
For me it is at it's worst right now unfortunately. To put things into perspective, my daily showers last around 2 hours 😔
@Anonymous 🙁
@Anonymous I would probably be there too but I’m avoiding so much. I’m sorry you are going though this. Hugs
I didn’t sleep or eat for 10 days straight. Finally just collapsed at some point and woke up on the living room floor. Still anxious and freaking out….
@mav6 I’m so sorry! How are you doing now?
@Lucy Van Pelt I am doing so much better now compared to then. I think I needed to hit that rock bottom point otherwise I wouldn’t have sought help. I still struggle with anxiety, panic attacks, etc but I have tools and strategies to better manage them now. At my lowest point, I didn’t even know what was wrong with me. I just thought I was losing my mind.
@mav6 That’s great! I’m so glad! Yes, knowing what’s going on can make a huge difference!
@Lucy Van Pelt Yeah, a little education and knowledge goes a long way. When I was experiencing things like depersonalization, and the derealization, I thought I was losing my mind and going crazy. I was afraid to seek help because I thought they would lock me up or something. Now I understand those things are part of the panic attacks and they’re not so scary anymore.
@mav6 I remember thinking that same thing! Very scary when you don’t know what’s going on
How has everyone else's OCD progressed throughout their lives? Has everyone else always had severe OCD or did you live regular lives beforehand and encounter one point where it went from 0 to 100. Where are you now in your OCD Journey? I'm very curious as to everyone else's stories and have left mine below if you’d like to read it. From what I can remember, I went relatively undisturbed by OCD the majority of my middle/late childhood, only having about 1-3 thoughts a year that weren't super bothersome but did create a level of distress uncomparable to regular intrusive thoughts. They were mainly about my health and about my parents safety & wellbeing. The earliest memory about my OCD that really stood out was back in 5th Grade, when I hit my head on a swing set and immediately began reciting every moment leading up to injury as well as every math equation I knew to make sure my memory was still intact. The greater part of my adolescence was essentially the same and resembled what I believed to be a normal life, just with a couple of OCD thoughts sprinkled throughout it. I was able to function pretty well albeit depressed and somewhat anxious. It wasn't until I was close to my highschool graduation that I experienced the worst panic attack(at the time) at the idea that I would hurt my parents. It was so distressing because the thought felt so loud that I believed it was genuine which only caused more distress. I was so scared that I would act on the thought that I discarded all of my sharp objects and locked myself in my room. That was my first ever severe reaction I experienced due to OCD and was back in May of this year. I actually learned what OCD was the same night and realized that many of my newly found fears including mold growing in my walls and my parents disliking me were also caused by the OCD. Unfortunately learning that it was probably OCD wasn't enough to quell my fear and I engaged in a bunch of compulsions in the months to come, worsening my OCD In the process. June was alright. July was worse(I only had like three topics for obsessions which sounds great now). Late July-Early August was my tipping point . Things went from worse to profoundly terrible in a short period. I found this app late August which was great because I had grown exhausted. September was pretty bad but not as bad as August. Now it's October and life is somewhat good now. I've become more knowledgeable of OCD (big thanks to this app and my therapist) but I'm very far from done. There's still this looming sense of anxiety that follows me everywhere. I have like 20 obsessions now, some being larger and scarier than others but those smaller ones are still apparent. But, the fear has decreased as well as the mental compulsions that came with it. My mind is quieter now. However the anxiety has stayed the same. My heart still drops whenever my worst obsession is triggered. Headaches, brain fog, sweating, rapid heart rate, sense of being paralyzed, racing mind are commonplace in my life but I've learned to sit with the physical discomfort (not that it makes it any less terrifying). Anyways, I'm here now which is cool. I’d like to listen to others' experiences to get a better understanding of OCD and maybe feel a bit less alone. feel free to ask any questions.
what is considered severe ocd ? i know most people with ocd probably feel like it’s severe but i actually do think mine is severe
Anyone willing to share how debilitating their OCD has been? 1. Able to work? 2. Consider yourself miserable? I haven’t been able to work three years and have been occasionally suicidal many many years
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