- Date posted
- 1y
Severity
How severe was your OCD at it’s worst?
How severe was your OCD at it’s worst?
Wake up? Intrusive thoughts- all the time 24/7 followed by flinches, tics shivers and constant ritualistic phrases to fight it. Groinal responses that hurt, like I got kicked in the groin. Stomach pain- panic attacks so bad I legit went fuzzy and started laughing before crying. Tension headaches— oh god I ruminate soooooooooo much I get such bad headaches. Ain’t healthy. I have high levels of cortisol and have a slow heartbeat so my hearts working extra to keep up with all this fucking anxiety. Yet.. even after all that, I’m still here. Standing. Even with my pocd, zocd, incest ocd, real event/false memory ocd- touch of harm and health concern…. I’m still here.
@ocdnoononi I’m so sorry but it sounds like you are a strong survivor! You should be proud!
@Lucy Van Pelt To a degree lol, but also I hope that it shows you- that you can also be way stronger even with everything caving in. That you’ll find out after a wave of worsening ocd that you come out on the other side.
@ocdnoononi Thank you ❤️
I couldn’t function at all. I’d sleep 2 hours a night for weeks. Can’t even describe how high the anxiety was. My physical symptoms including shaking, depersonalization, trouble breathing, nonstop panic. I’d pray 100 times a day just to make sure I was worthy etc… eventually hospitalization.
@Kris J 🙁
@Kris J How are you doing now?
At its worst, i had to voluntarily check myself into a clinic.
@Ifiknewthen Was that helpful?
@Lucy Van Pelt No. It was a place that had mostly people addicted to opiods. It was a nice place. A place the local hospital took me too. I started off getting a hospital room and then they transported me to this place called RI International. I mentioned ocd to the psychiatrist over the video thing they had before you leave. She didnt know much about ocd. This was like 2016-2017. They were just looking to get me outta there. I could have left any time i wanted cause i was voluntary. But looking back it was so ridiculous why i went in. You have to get with an ocd specialist and really open up about whatever is bothering you. As long as you are totally honest about everything, you will get better.
@Ifiknewthen I’m working so hard I just feel like it’s never going to be better. It is improving it’s just so slow.
@Lucy Van Pelt Dont put a timeline on it. It could take a long time. Its hard to face the fears surrounding your ocd. Just keep working at it and push through the anxiety. Sometimes we think what we fear the most is so horrible but over time as we do the erp we look back and see how silly the obsessions were.
@Ifiknewthen Thank you!
I could not leave the house.
@Nica I’m there. I can’t leave without needing to shower. How are you now?
@Lucy Van Pelt I’ve been subclinical for 4 years now and recovered.
@Nica That’s amazing! Congrats!
i think it was at its worst actually when i was a kid cuz i felt i had to deal with everything on my own. i literally would panic and cry daily for months and the guilt and anxiety was so bad i felt like i had to vomit. things didn’t actually get better until a year later. i honestly hate thinking abt that time in my childhood 😭
@ineedhelplolz I’m so sorry. That’s too much for a child especially on their own. Hugs
Sometimes I worry I’m too far gone
@Lucy Van Pelt I also worry about this for myself. You’re not alone.
@NJmom Hugs
Comment deleted by user
@alyssaw 🙁
Comment deleted by user
@Bigotina 🙁 I can’t do that without showering
@Bigotina 🙁
I went to an urgent care 3x a week convinced I had any and every infection, put my partner through hell over it, and would still google for hours a night just to come up with the idea I had some rare form of cancer. every time I gave in it got worse
@alyssaw 🙁
For me it is at it's worst right now unfortunately. To put things into perspective, my daily showers last around 2 hours 😔
@Anonymous 🙁
@Anonymous I would probably be there too but I’m avoiding so much. I’m sorry you are going though this. Hugs
I didn’t sleep or eat for 10 days straight. Finally just collapsed at some point and woke up on the living room floor. Still anxious and freaking out….
@mav6 I’m so sorry! How are you doing now?
@Lucy Van Pelt I am doing so much better now compared to then. I think I needed to hit that rock bottom point otherwise I wouldn’t have sought help. I still struggle with anxiety, panic attacks, etc but I have tools and strategies to better manage them now. At my lowest point, I didn’t even know what was wrong with me. I just thought I was losing my mind.
@mav6 That’s great! I’m so glad! Yes, knowing what’s going on can make a huge difference!
@Lucy Van Pelt Yeah, a little education and knowledge goes a long way. When I was experiencing things like depersonalization, and the derealization, I thought I was losing my mind and going crazy. I was afraid to seek help because I thought they would lock me up or something. Now I understand those things are part of the panic attacks and they’re not so scary anymore.
@mav6 I remember thinking that same thing! Very scary when you don’t know what’s going on
My OCD has never been this strong, it's so real, it feels like it will never go away, it's never been this strong for me and it's very scary.
People who went from a really bad time with OCD to a better time now. Is it really possible? What was your theme? Did you take medication?
I started dealing with OCD when I became fixated on health issues, particularly the fear of contracting a life-threatening disease. If I experienced any kind of medical symptom, no matter how small, that even remotely hinted at something potentially fatal, it would drive me crazy, and I couldn’t stop obsessing over it. Then one day, I started having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting someone with my car, and I would end up driving in circles to check if I had. Eventually, I found myself overwhelmed by a flood of new obsessive thoughts and compulsions. One day, while I was at the park, a squirrel came near me, and for some reason, I felt like it attacked me. I Googled it and learned that squirrels could carry rabies, which spiraled me into a deep fear of rabies. I became consumed with the thought I received a bite from a squirrel, raccoon, or bat any time I’m in areas that trigger me. It started off only being inside then transferred to even being in my own home. This made me obsess over every physical sensation in my body, compulsively checking to make sure nothing was wrong. One compulsion that I hated the most would to be putting rubbing alcohol on me to make sure that I had no open wounds. Every day feels like I’m walking around in a fog of anxiety, constantly worrying that I won’t even make it to old age. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that I just want it all to end. It stresses me so bad at times to where my brain feels like I’ve been studying all day.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond