- Date posted
- 1y
Severity
How severe was your OCD at it’s worst?
How severe was your OCD at it’s worst?
Wake up? Intrusive thoughts- all the time 24/7 followed by flinches, tics shivers and constant ritualistic phrases to fight it. Groinal responses that hurt, like I got kicked in the groin. Stomach pain- panic attacks so bad I legit went fuzzy and started laughing before crying. Tension headaches— oh god I ruminate soooooooooo much I get such bad headaches. Ain’t healthy. I have high levels of cortisol and have a slow heartbeat so my hearts working extra to keep up with all this fucking anxiety. Yet.. even after all that, I’m still here. Standing. Even with my pocd, zocd, incest ocd, real event/false memory ocd- touch of harm and health concern…. I’m still here.
@ocdnoononi I’m so sorry but it sounds like you are a strong survivor! You should be proud!
@Lucy Van Pelt To a degree lol, but also I hope that it shows you- that you can also be way stronger even with everything caving in. That you’ll find out after a wave of worsening ocd that you come out on the other side.
@ocdnoononi Thank you ❤️
I couldn’t function at all. I’d sleep 2 hours a night for weeks. Can’t even describe how high the anxiety was. My physical symptoms including shaking, depersonalization, trouble breathing, nonstop panic. I’d pray 100 times a day just to make sure I was worthy etc… eventually hospitalization.
@Kris J 🙁
@Kris J How are you doing now?
At its worst, i had to voluntarily check myself into a clinic.
@Ifiknewthen Was that helpful?
@Lucy Van Pelt No. It was a place that had mostly people addicted to opiods. It was a nice place. A place the local hospital took me too. I started off getting a hospital room and then they transported me to this place called RI International. I mentioned ocd to the psychiatrist over the video thing they had before you leave. She didnt know much about ocd. This was like 2016-2017. They were just looking to get me outta there. I could have left any time i wanted cause i was voluntary. But looking back it was so ridiculous why i went in. You have to get with an ocd specialist and really open up about whatever is bothering you. As long as you are totally honest about everything, you will get better.
@Ifiknewthen I’m working so hard I just feel like it’s never going to be better. It is improving it’s just so slow.
@Lucy Van Pelt Dont put a timeline on it. It could take a long time. Its hard to face the fears surrounding your ocd. Just keep working at it and push through the anxiety. Sometimes we think what we fear the most is so horrible but over time as we do the erp we look back and see how silly the obsessions were.
@Ifiknewthen Thank you!
I could not leave the house.
@Nica I’m there. I can’t leave without needing to shower. How are you now?
@Lucy Van Pelt I’ve been subclinical for 4 years now and recovered.
@Nica That’s amazing! Congrats!
i think it was at its worst actually when i was a kid cuz i felt i had to deal with everything on my own. i literally would panic and cry daily for months and the guilt and anxiety was so bad i felt like i had to vomit. things didn’t actually get better until a year later. i honestly hate thinking abt that time in my childhood 😭
@ineedhelplolz I’m so sorry. That’s too much for a child especially on their own. Hugs
Sometimes I worry I’m too far gone
@Lucy Van Pelt I also worry about this for myself. You’re not alone.
@NJmom Hugs
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@alyssaw 🙁
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@Bigotina 🙁 I can’t do that without showering
@Bigotina 🙁
I went to an urgent care 3x a week convinced I had any and every infection, put my partner through hell over it, and would still google for hours a night just to come up with the idea I had some rare form of cancer. every time I gave in it got worse
@alyssaw 🙁
For me it is at it's worst right now unfortunately. To put things into perspective, my daily showers last around 2 hours 😔
@Anonymous 🙁
@Anonymous I would probably be there too but I’m avoiding so much. I’m sorry you are going though this. Hugs
I didn’t sleep or eat for 10 days straight. Finally just collapsed at some point and woke up on the living room floor. Still anxious and freaking out….
@mav6 I’m so sorry! How are you doing now?
@Lucy Van Pelt I am doing so much better now compared to then. I think I needed to hit that rock bottom point otherwise I wouldn’t have sought help. I still struggle with anxiety, panic attacks, etc but I have tools and strategies to better manage them now. At my lowest point, I didn’t even know what was wrong with me. I just thought I was losing my mind.
@mav6 That’s great! I’m so glad! Yes, knowing what’s going on can make a huge difference!
@Lucy Van Pelt Yeah, a little education and knowledge goes a long way. When I was experiencing things like depersonalization, and the derealization, I thought I was losing my mind and going crazy. I was afraid to seek help because I thought they would lock me up or something. Now I understand those things are part of the panic attacks and they’re not so scary anymore.
@mav6 I remember thinking that same thing! Very scary when you don’t know what’s going on
I know there are a lo of different subtypes but I'm really curious as to which one has affected you the most, please comment down below and feel free to also share where and hoe you believe it has affected your life, I believe it's great for self reflection and just to let it off our chests. For me it's been Inc*st OCD! That shit has been the hardest subtype for me. Not only has it affected my relationship with my siblings by convincing me that I like them (which never used to happen at all before developing a strong case of IOCD) and making me feel weird and ashamed. It has also affected how I see families😭 for example I'll be watching a series or something and there would be siblings in the show and my mind would directly fly to incest and not only for shows but irl as well...I can't imagine going out to see my friends and their families or my own extended family in general because wtf!! I just feel like in my case all the other subtypes are nothing compared to this bad boy, but I know it's not the same for everyone so which one has affected you the most and how? (This is not to bring down the severity of the other subtypes istg, it's just for conversations sake)
Last year during April I started to experience groinal responses when I looked at kids. I was terrified of what it could mean and decided to attempt two weeks later. The very next day I had those responses I decided to attempt. I didn’t really have the courage to do so at that time but I started experiencing images about disturbing things done to kids and as days went by it got worse. April 16 was the last straw and I couldn’t take it anymore. I ended up in a mental hospital but before I ended up there I had searched up what I was experiencing. That’s when I started to understand that it was OCD. I felt relieved for a few moments until I felt the urge to get more information. I saw lots and lots of things and many comments saying that it wasn’t normal and that people who went through this were disgusting people who shouldn’t be allowed to roam free. That’s when my anxiety and fear became worse and I tried to get rid of it but nothing worked. I shook the entire time I was awake, I didn’t have motivation for anything anymore, I just felt so disgusting. In the end, I’m so glad I ended up in that mental hospital or else I wouldn’t be here with my friends and family. Thank you for reading my story, I’m so glad that I’m not alone
I’ve always had OCD, and for most of my life it was little things that seemed manageable at the time or something that would phase out of my head within a couple days/weeks/months. But, the older I got the more severe it became, I’d find myself collapsing deeper and deeper within my own head trying to out think the thoughts that bothered me. About a year ago I had a thought that rattled me to my core. My brothers and I were watching a movie in our mother’s room when my youngest brother turned to me to say something. His close proximity to me triggered a fleeting sexually explicit image in my head and that thought caused me to spiral. Asking questions like, “are you attracted to your minor brother? Are you attracted to minors? Are you gay? Etc.” a couple days went by and my mental stability continued to crumble until I broke down to my mother, she was understanding and we found a a psychiatrist. I got on medication and for a while everything was slowly but surely trending in a positive direction. The thoughts would still pop into my head but they were becoming more manageable. As we all know OCD and mental illness comes in waves. Currently my OCD has been pretty severe. I feel those intrusive thoughts latching on in my head and it’s been very hard to kick them. It’s gotten to the point where I find myself being uncomfortable being in close proximity with my little brother because I feel as though I am capable of harming him in any way. And the more uncomfortable I become being around him the more I find myself lashing out in anger towards the people I care about the most. Those moments of anger cause me to spiral even farther as my head fills with ideas like “what if you are capable of hurting someone or even murdering them?” There’s times where these thoughts rattle me so much that I feel like it would be better to be in prison where I couldn’t harm someone or that even being dead would be a better solution than possibly running the risk of hurting someone in my life I care about. This is about the jist of it, a majority of the OCD I have is centered around the idea that I am capable of harming my little brother physically, mentally, sexually. It’s been exhausting and it feels like there is no end in sight.
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