- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made! I know you must feel guilty and shitty, but there will be no good change that comes out of punishing yourself. Positive reinforcements matter. This is an opportunity to grow! It’s all about who you want to be NOW - you can’t change who you were then. We’re all on a journey, learning and understanding as we go along. You are self aware, and that’s good. You reflect. Buuuut try to do so without being mean to yourself in the process. I get it. I do the same thing. I think I DESERVE to put myself down, because if I’m nice to myself, I ‘don’t care enough’ about my past actions or mean traits. But fighting hate with hate won’t make me a better, happier, kinder person. And it won’t do so for you either. So forgive yourself, and move forward. I believe in you! ?
- Date posted
- 5y
well do you have real proof/evidence for this claim... it sounds similar to when I spiraled real down with my ocd and I practically convinced myself that I wasn‘t in love with my boyfriend anymore... what my therapist likes to say is this little analogy... what do you do when you’re walking down the street and there is a little stone in your shoe, it bothers you and hurts, do you think the stone is real? yes obviously... what if you walking down the street and you think about having a stone in your shoe and think about how much it will hurt, suddently it really does feel like there might be something in your shoe maybe you even start to feel a little pain because of it...does this (your thoughts) make the stone real? no it‘s just a thought! still you feel some emotions senations hurt and those sensations feel real but still there is no stone... the stone represents facts... so is there really proof/real facts that you emotionally abused your boyfriend or is it just a thought of yours made up by your ocd? are there hard and solid facts that abusive behavior on your side happened?
- Date posted
- 5y
I love you all so much :’). Honestly it’s really reassuring to know I’m not a terrible person but I’ve just made some terrible mistakes and I need to learn and grow and be the best version of myself.
- Date posted
- 5y
^^ well said!
- Date posted
- 5y
Unfortunately pain breeds pain. We record how others treat us and do the same. I'm guilty of it myself and it's AWWFULL. Yeah, making changes, day by day is the best we can do really. We just gotta break the cycle. So many people don't and go in hurting others. At least you're waking up out the cycle. I recommend watching Tara Brach's videos - especially one titled 'learning to respond not react' .
- Date posted
- 5y
do you have any real proof for this?
- Date posted
- 5y
What do you mean @chichi
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah unfortunately it is true. I’m overly jealous, say mean things and the worst of it was me saying I’m going to kill myself if he didn’t come back and listen to my feelings when he said he wanted space after a disagreement. The thing is, I KNOW it is wrong. I didn’t know it was emotional abuse but when he told me how he felt I started searching it and it is 100% me. I feel so ashamed and guilty. I’m not justifying it at all but in my previous relationship I was emotionally abused. I was put down and cheated on and he also used threats to make me listen. Now I know that this behaviour isn’t normal and it’s abusive I really want to change. I really really do. I just can’t forgive myself.
- Date posted
- 5y
Also, does it make me abusive if I’m annoyed and upset that my boyfriend is now smoking weed with his friends now that we agreed to have a little space? I always told him not to smoke it as it’s a disgusting habit to me and he respected that but now he’s doing it again
- Date posted
- 5y
But he already gave all that up for me and now we’re in a bad place he’s starting to do everything he gave up again
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Hi. I am going through something really hard right now, and I could use some insight, especially from others who deal with OCD and morality-based spirals. There was a time during a really emotional conversation with my boyfriend when he said something incredibly painful. He said something like he only felt lust for me but did not feel love anymore. I was completely crushed. It felt like everything I believed about our relationship was ripped out from under me. In that moment, I told him that what he said felt like rape. I want to be really clear. I knew even then that it was not a good or accurate comparison. It was not assault. I was trying to express how emotionally violated and broken I felt, and that word came out. I even labeled it directly, not just compared it, and that is what has been haunting me. I feel like I kept going along with it, not because I wanted to lie or manipulate, but because I felt like if I backed down from it, he would not understand the depth of how hurt I was. He didn’t seem to understand any other way. Later, when we tried to be intimate again, I told him not to touch me. And even though a part of me did want closeness, I still felt like I had to react that way, like I had to follow through with what I had said earlier. I wanted so bad for him to understand the impact of his words. That part is killing me. It makes me feel like I was not being authentic, that I was performing a reaction instead of living it. I feel like I acted like a survivor when I was not one, and I hate myself for that. Now, OCD is eating me alive over it. It keeps telling me I am a liar, a manipulator, and someone who cannot be trusted. And it feels so real. But I also know I was hurting. I was not trying to deceive anyone. I was just overwhelmed, desperate to be understood, and probably influenced by years of invalidation from my family over almost everything. I have talked to my boyfriend about it and apologized. He told me he understands and forgives me. But I cannot forgive myself, and I do not know if what I did is forgivable. Has anyone ever been in a similar place? I feel so so awful this was 3 years ago. Now I feel like I can’t trust any of my emotions. I’m analyzing every reaction, past and present, trying to decide if it was “real enough” or if I was somehow dishonest. It feels like OCD has completely hijacked my sense of self. Please help :(
- Harm OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Religion & Spirituality OCD
- OCD newbies
- Young adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Real Events OCD
- Date posted
- 21w
Has anyone else experienced something like this? I’m graduating from college soon and i have been so stressed about finding a job, signing a lease for an apartment, college ending, I have an ungodly amount of assignments to do, I have a tumultuous relationship with my mother that has recently blown up again, and so much more. I am just so overwhelmed, I snapped at my boyfriend last night. I immediately apologized but i still feel awful. One of my biggest fears is being an abusive partner and i feel like this confirms that I am one. My best friend was also there and he saw me snap at my boyfriend and I’m scared he thinks I’m awful too. He saw me apologize so maybe that makes him think differently, but i can’t know for sure. The logical side of me tells me it’s not that deep, i apologized, and it’s time to move on. But i feel like i need to apologize to my best friend too to make sure he doesn’t think im terrible, but i know thats reassurance seeking. The ocd in me is punishing myself and refusing to move on.
- Date posted
- 21w
i don’t know what changed, but in the past 1-2 weeks something switched in my brain and now i am obsessing over every mistake I’ve ever made, and i firmly believe the guilt i feel is justified. i am a pathological liar and i’m realizing i may have lied about more things than I ever intended to. i think i tricked myself into believing some things and now I feel awful that I’ve lied to myself and others about so many things. my mind is a mess and i can’t even tell what is a lie and what isn’t anymore. i also feel like i’ve been taking advantage of my boyfriends family who has financially supported me for these past few years, because i had convinced myself and everyone around me that my physical health & mental health was worse than it actually was. i never meant to take advantage or hurt anyone, but i can definitely say that i became complacent and comfortable living these past few years without having to worry about work, school, or really anything. i think i used “not feeling well” as an excuse to not do anything because i was too afraid to leave the house and function in society. i feel so awful and disgusted by my behavior and the guilt is eating me alive. i even feel bad using my phone because they pay for it, and feel bad being in my apartment for the same reason. i feel like everything about me is a lie and they’ve been paying for and supporting a person completely different than they thought. maybe i’m not who I portrayed myself out to be at all. i’ve felt so disgusting and so awful i can barely stand it. this morning i woke up feeling like i was suffocating, my chest hurt so bad and i felt like there was absolutely no way out. i really felt like i was dying. other than the lying, i’ve felt awful about things i did as a child where i didn’t know any better, or i even feel bad about my own thoughts and emotions that I have no control over. my mom says i’m being too hard on myself, and that i can’t help that i lie, but i don’t believe that. i think i deserve to feel this way and that i’m not being hard enough on myself. i lied and took advantage and therefore i deserve to suffer. i caused people to worry for me when it wasn’t necessary, when i was fine. i deserve to feel so guilty that i’m nauseous, i deserve to feel ashamed. i feel like i don’t deserve to eat or feel better, even though i desperately want to. i feel so guilty and so shameful i literally can’t function. i want to escape this feeling so bad, i want to get out of this guilt that’s keeping me from moving on and improving myself. i acknowledge that i have a lying problem, that it’s a mental illness, but i am ashamed of it and feel disgusted that i’m this way even though i can’t help some of it. i truly don’t know what to do or how to have compassion for myself. probably a good idea to share that my dad is a pathological liar and never received help, and i’m pretty sure i learned this behavior through him. not to mention all the stuff i did as a kid that i feel bad about, or the fact that i feel bad about things i can’t control. and i even feel bad about finding certain things funny. the guilt is killing me and i don’t know how i’m ever supposed to become a better person if i’m so sure that i’m undeserving of ever feeling better. in my head i truly feel like im a monster. i feel like i’m having a crisis because i’m realizing i lied about a lot of things without even really realizing it. or i deceived myself into thinking things. and I’ve lied about things for sympathy, for attention, to make myself seem more interesting, or to make me seem less pathetic than i actually am. i’ve lied about some serious things, and i’ve lied about things that don’t matter at all. i don’t know how to keep living. i want to go home to my apartment and be in my safe space, but i feel disgusting being there when i’ve taken advantage of my boyfriend’s family, even though it was never my intention. no matter what I do and where i go, i feel wrong. because i’ve done so many bad things and i can’t forgive myself. i feel so morally wrong i can’t stand it and i don’t see things ever getting better. i feel like I’m going crazy and i feel so alone. i can’t escape this guilt no matter what. and i feel overwhelmed because I know this isn’t something that can be fixed quickly. am i ever gonna be able to live without shame ever again? am i ever gonna be able to do the things i love again? the things that brought me comfort? nothing brings me any comfort, and i spend all day in bed or sitting around doing absolutely nothing because i can’t distract myself. i can’t stop thinking about all the things i’ve done no matter how hard i try. i obsessively read and look up online things to try and find reassurance. i feel like i’m going crazy. and i just feel so sorry. to everyone. and i’m so extremely ashamed of my behavior. i can’t stop obsessing about the past, the present, and the future. don’t i deserve to feel this way when i’ve lied and done bad things? even if it wasn’t my intention, or if it’s a result of a mental illness? don’t i deserve to feel debilitating guilt when i’ve been a bad person? even though i know i never had any bad intentions, i don’t think it matters. am i gonna feel this way forever, where everything i do or everywhere i look, im reminded of the the things ive done?
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