I've legit ruined my own relationship for myself. I looked at coming out stories and women would say "I started looking at my bf as a friend rather than a lover" and now all I'm thinking to myself is "what if I only look at my bf as a friend???" and I over analyze every situation that we went thru to see if I ever felt that way. And it's ripping me apart ?

I think every straight woman also sees their boyfriend as a friend at some points in the relationship. Some days you can be so in love, and some days those emotions aren’t as heightened. But that means nothing about your sexual orientation. YOU decide how you want to live your life, not your OCD or what your OCD makes you research.

I go through phases where I see my husband as a roommate. I ask myself if he's helping enough around the house. If he's actively caring for me. If he's maintaining himself. And he's also my best friend. A best friend I have four babies with. And often our intimate moments are sitting near each other when we read our kids books. Touching feet while our kids snuggle between us in bed. And telling each other how wonderful we are as we get the kids ready for school. Watching a movie with the kids. Are we ever without kids? Rarely. ❤️❤️❤️ Not all intimate moments are sexual. I highly suggest the Love Languages book.

Thank you so much. I just also suffered from ROCD and I found myself overthinking everything because I had this "Hollywood" expectation of what a relationship Should be like. And then all this other shit just came after ? can you share any more insight on the norms of a perfectly healthy relationship? :)

Heck yes. My husband and I have been married 8 years and known each other for 11. We have two living children, one deceased child, and one due in a few months. Four kids total. We BOTH have disorders. My husband has mild OCD, childhood trauma, anxiety, and depression. I have OCD, depression, and anxiety. We love and support each other. That's not to say it's not frustrating. My husband has found a perfect balance of medication, therapy, and mindfulness. I actively practice meditation, mindfulness, and see a therapist. An average day involves me getting up early and then I wake him up, where he complains that he's still waking up and plays on his cellphone for 15 minutes while I make coffee (which he hates the smell of) and glare at his slow-ass through the kitchen wall and check Facebook. Then he gets up to potty, where he will take too long (usually 5 minutes, but I am grumpy that he camped in the recliner for 25) and I will start breakfast. He will empty the dishwasher and I will tell him everything happening that day. Because he forgets. Even though I have a giant schedule board in the family room. We will listen to Weird Al and then our youngest will notice we're not in bed and come out to the kitchen. My husband will go pick him up while I finish breakfast and start prepping lunch for our oldest. Then he will wake up our oldest and they will make some fart jokes. Because we all fart when we wake up. We will collectively poke and prod her to have good hygiene and wear clothes for an hour. Then he dresses the kids, I put on deodorant, and drive the kiddo to school and hold on to the younger one, who is usually mad that his sister is leaving him. My husband works from home, so he starts down to his office. I call him 30 minutes later and I ask him what he wants from Costco/Target/Walgreens. OR, I come home and I fold laundry and occasionally ask him about something that has triggered me. And I occasionally ask him to do a load of dishes/laundry/trash on his work breaks. If I went shopping I'm pulling in around 1 and he'll help me unload the car. Then I pick the kiddo up from school, come home. We start homework, put laundry away, and my husband emerges from his work cave. Usually helping our daughter with homework that bothered her. Then we wash hands to eat and eat in front of the TV because the dining room is a disaster. Then he puts the food away. Then we take the kids to bed and read for like..30 minutes. The kids sleep in our bed, so they lean into me and my husband begs one to snuggle with him. This falls on deaf ears and I am squished to death, while I swivel my freezing feet around stick them in his calves. I usually fall asleep and so does he. Wake up and repeat. We're pretty average, in terms of affection, I think. Especially for a couple with kiddos. We mind our weak areas and are open with our kids that EVERYONE feels sad, anxious, or confused sometimes. We actively teach our kids mindfulness and meditation. We talk about how we feel and why we feel that way (in an age-appropriate/not over-sharing way. We read parenting and self-help books. We love love love our kids. And we both see therapists. And when we have had a rough patch, we saw each other's therapists together...not to point fingers, but to figure out where we had a communication breakdown. We argue. We have dealt with death. We have dealt with the intense pain of seeing each other suffer with inability to relieve that suffering. You refer to "this other shit just came after." Can you elaborate?

That's so sweet, I would love to have this type of comfortable relationship with my boyfriend one day :) I want to become his wife in the near future I just need to get my mental health in check. And when I say "other shit" I mean my HOCD and TOCD ? it's tearing me apart and ruining everything I ever liked in life

I know what Hocd is. What is Tocd?

The fear of becoming transgender ??

Ahhhhhhh. I have COCD. Are you doing ERP?

Sorry, what is COCD? And no I'm not doing ERP. My therapist hasn't mentioned it yet :/

Contamination OCD. I worry about viruses, germs, chemicals, parasites, pee, poop, etc... Just as fun as the other types of OCD. ?

I used to be a very intense hypochondriac as a child so I understand the struggle ?? it's really nice that you and your husband can relate on that level too. My boyfriend doesn't completely understand the concept of OCD but he tries his best