- Date posted
- 5y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y
First of all , welcome to the app man !! It’s great to have you here and you’ll find that the community on here is so understanding and supportive so you made a great choice. Second of all , I’m so sorry you had to experience that , I can’t imagine how humiliating and uncomfortable it was for you !! What he did was disgusting. How are you feeling about that particular incident ? How much does it affect you outside of your OCD ?? And as for not reacting , I don’t wanna give you reassurance , but I’m not surprised you didn’t react. In moments where something very unexpected happens you tend to freeze up because your mind is probably going in overdrive trying to figure out what to do , how to react , and how to feel. Along with the fact that you’re in shock. These are all realistic possibilities , but ask yourself for a minute what your life would be like if you weren’t straight. You would still be your normal self , have your own identity , and have your interests ! It wouldn’t change you and it shouldn’t. The key is to accept that you don’t know what you are so you don’t get caught up in the cycle of OCD. It takes practice but you can get there , recovery is more than possible and I say this as someone who has since recovered so much when I thought I never would‼️?? always here for you man
- Date posted
- 5y
And The thoughts (before / after bed) had followed me around for about 1.5 years, so there is hope I promise! It’s a shift from being distressed by the thoughts to learning they are misfires in the brain and not worth our conscious attention, they will happen
- Date posted
- 5y
Let me just say that I’m sorry that happened to you, it must’ve been a horrible experience. That’s illegal to do what he did, it should be very legal knowing the effect it had. Hope things get better for you.
- Date posted
- 5y
I have been struggling w this same disease for a month or two now and I know how stressful and terrifying it can be (and of course this all started w me when I started my freshman year of college which SERIOUSLY sucks) but anyway this is what I try to do: When the thought appears in my brain I let it in and try to be like “oh yeah what if this was true it doesn’t matter it’s jsut a thought” and I try to focus on the good things in life (which I know is really hard soemtime) for example: I loveee to drive around and listen to music at sunset or really anytime of the day... but when I started getting these thoughts it really messed it up bc whenever I was alone I would think about it BUT I started to do ERP which is a type of therapy where u expose the thought which means that you let the thought it your head and what I do is just let myself think it over and over again (and yes this does give you anxiety at first) but eventually you find that it doesn’t scare as much anymore... now it does take time and you have to be patient w yourself and I do have bad days and good days but just always hold on to the thought that one day everything will be ok bc I know that it will... just seriously don’t let the thoughts ruin those really good times/moments w your friends/family just let them come into your brain and let them pass.... sorry I know that was extremely long and idk if you R gonna read all this hahaha
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks for your long message, I appreciate the long responses as sometimes the short ones don’t provide enough context :) i assure you I even read it and it helped!
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey annie9! It’s not long at all and it’s really comforting for me to read. I really appreciate you taking the time to help me out and I’m sorry about your freshmen year. You’re rides sound fun. I might do that tonight :) Thank you!
- Date posted
- 5y
Very illegal* sorry
- Date posted
- 5y
Xiandrewww I really appreciate you man! Thank you so much for your support. I reread you response and each time it makes me feel better. Thank you so much!
- Date posted
- 5y
I know exactly how it is to have a thought that seems to follow you into every moment, I found it especially torturous to have the thought before falling asleep and when waking up. It’s like it has this hold on you that you can’t shake, I had a different thought than yours and it almost made me think I was a little depressed because I kept wanting to go to bed early all the time and slee for as long as possible so I wouldn’t have the thoughts. Unfortunately, going to sleep early for example means I am letting a thought rule my life. Once I realized how much havoc the thought had on my life, I finally felt like I had to tell my therapist (i was scared to) and I obviously dont know you or your situation, but regardless if you are a homosexual or not (adding that in order not to reassure), a thought is considered ocd when it is distressing. So regardless of the outcome, there are ways to cope with thoughts like this that keep hold of you: the main way is to accept that the are just thoughts, like clouds in the air that pass through or my personal favorite: like your stuck in a room with a fly and you will hear it’s annoying buzzing, but the volume will be much lower if you put it in the back of your head as a thought you shouldn’t bring attention to because if it’s distressing, then it’s ocd. With the help of my therapist, i can now regain my life & sleep lifestyle and feel free - I don’t have those thoughts before or after sleep anymore. Good luck!!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you so much for taking the time to share with me. I just want you to know this really helps and I appreciate you :)
- Date posted
- 5y
Used to think the same shit Winded up i tried tô be lesbo and Hated It don't fool yourself into this
- Date posted
- 5y
I probably would have froze too! I would have thought I was dreaming or something!! Welcome to the app we are happy to have you!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks Grace! :)
- Date posted
- 5y
I think you might have a little trauma from the experiance. I have ptsd from some traumatic childhood sexual experiances that involved watching lesbian porn. Periodically i would go through this stuff because i went along with it and didnt stop it. I thought maybe i was a lesbian because the stuff on the tv was arousing. It was all so confusing. But when your very scared you freeze its a survival instinct. Also when something is terrifying and sexual at the same time your body reacts without your consent in a way. I just wanted you to know that i struggle with this too. It would be best to talk to a therapist about this too. Ocd thoughts that tie into traumatic experiances are stored a little differantly in the brain. BUT cbt and all the advice everyone gives here is very good and works for this stuff!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Today has been really hard I feel like I can’t even breathe I feel like a pedo for real :( whenever i think during my alone time i try and coexist with it? but when i decided to think and think i panic and panic more and more i start feel more guilty guys I can’t take this anymore bc when I kinda feel certain it fades aways i think logically i know i probably am ok :( but it’s so scary for me what if i did actually act on the thought and I didn’t realize? And now reflecting it ???
- Date posted
- 17w
Hey guys today I just wanted to come here and share an experience I have and I generally don't know what to do I feel like a terrible person for having these thoughts and for thinking them I genuinely don't know what to do I don't know the signs behind it and why I think the way I do but it's honestly driving me crazy I don't know what to do I have a pornography addiction for a long time it's where it's like anytime I'm an intimate moment or am masturbating my head just thinks these weird things always the same repetitive thoughts to of family members your younger sibling or a young child I myself am a 17 year old and I feel so disgusted I feel like I can't live my life anymore I feel like I'm a criminal cuz like it feels like I chose this these thoughts like I actively think them I don't know the signs behind it and I just really need professional help if there's any like therapist here that could fill me in that would be nice I would also like to know if you guys had any similar experiences because for me I feel like I have to rewatch pornography and do it right without the thoughts cuz I feel like the thoughts are just like to prevalent anytime I do anything related to masturbation why do I think this way I'm also just trying to be as honest as I can with this I'm not trying to make myself I guess a victim I'm trying to hold myself accountable if I actually am like this because I also have doubts in my head that tells me that I enjoy these things I feel like I'm going crazy someone help because it feels so real like I acted on them or that I was pleasuring myself to the thoughts and not towards the video it's just how can I live with myself you know also during it it felt like I was thinking the thought for a long period of time like it was dominating my head so I couldn't focus it felt l
- Young adults with OCD
- NOCD Therapy Alumni
- Students with OCD
- POCD
- OCD newbies
- False Memory OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- Real Events OCD
- Date posted
- 16w
First I want to start off with, as a kid, my brother touched me inappropriately, I watched him do the same with my cousin, than later on I did the same to my cousin. I feel great shame for it and I have yet to forgive myself. Now, since than 10 years later, I have always loved women, fantasized about women, constantly prayed to have one and do things to be with one 1 day. I struggled with porn a lot as a kid because I was shown it at such a young age. I remember first watching lesbian porn, than moving to guy and girl, than countdowns, etc. I was so hooked that it took an identity crisis to end this porn addiction. (I have only been sober for 3 weeks.) Now I only mention this because I think my porn addiction somewhat ruined me, same way as what I did in the past did. A year ago, I started to talk to a childhood crush I had, and things felt so great. We started to get along but I knew all I wanted to do was have sex and move on as wrong as that is. I ended up falling in love with her and asked her to be my girl. 9 months in, we were having constant arguments and she had this problem where she couldn’t give me a break. We were with each other 24/7 and it felt like dealing with a sister at some point. I remember talking to my friends and asking them what would they do and they always advised me to leave but I was not willing to because I knew I loved her and the way I was feeling was temporary and couples argue. Couple weeks in, I started to have these thoughts that we weren’t going to work out and that I no longer found her attractive. I kinda ignored them because it simply wasn’t true, I still found her attractive and would get hard ons for her yet, I still had this mindset that, “Oh, there’s other hotter girls” and, “Your ex looked so much better.” and I couldn’t stop these thoughts. One day I randomly woke up and remembered what I did as a kid, my whole world felt like it flipped. The thoughts were now, “what if you don’t like her because you’re secretly gay?”. I first laughed at the thought because of how ridiculous it sounded, but than it just kept going. Two weeks from a cycle of unwanted thoughts (1st stage of my ocd), I finally got over the thought with simple toughness and determination, I did lots of research on what was going on with me and went with the, “thoughts are just thoughts” method. I was doing well until we watch a netflix documentary “American Murder: Gabby Petito” and all of a sudden my mind began to think, “What if I’m secretly a psychopath and want to kill my gf?”. For about a week straight, It’s all I was able to think about. It scared me so much and I didn’t know what to do. I started to get urges to KILL my gf. I didn’t know what to do so I left the room and crawled up in a ball, crying to god asking for help.These thoughts went away but were quickly replaced by, “You want to kill your gf because you’re just gay”. This sent me into such great panic, I couldn’t eat for days and couldn’t feel anything but anxiety. Days went by and I finally went to a doctor, at first I started to feel better as If I was getting help and things were going to be okay. The thoughts went away again as I began to start doing more things and get out of my room (head). I felt like I was back again, I was able to love my gf, I started to go to church, I felt that god was real and than boom. Here I am again and this time things have gotten really bad. I can’t stop “checking”. As soon as I wake up I check if my gf is “good” enough for me. I check my past and see if I have ever done anything that show signs of being gay. I check out other girls and guys to see whether or not I like one or the other. Even when I accepted the possibility that maybe I am just gay, my mind will fight me and tell me that I’m more than just gay. Truth is, I don’t know anymore. I’ve always loved girls and my gf. I don’t know if this is OCD anymore but I wish for my old life again. I’ve always been so proud of my sexuality and loved everything about it. I never been homophobic but gay stuff does make me uncomfortable. Each day feels like I lost another part of me. I feel like I can’t live like this anymore. I lost all my belief in god, my morals and value feel so weak, and my life is no longer a fun enjoyable thing to look forward to. I need help.
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