- Date posted
- 5y ago
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y ago
First of all , welcome to the app man !! It’s great to have you here and you’ll find that the community on here is so understanding and supportive so you made a great choice. Second of all , I’m so sorry you had to experience that , I can’t imagine how humiliating and uncomfortable it was for you !! What he did was disgusting. How are you feeling about that particular incident ? How much does it affect you outside of your OCD ?? And as for not reacting , I don’t wanna give you reassurance , but I’m not surprised you didn’t react. In moments where something very unexpected happens you tend to freeze up because your mind is probably going in overdrive trying to figure out what to do , how to react , and how to feel. Along with the fact that you’re in shock. These are all realistic possibilities , but ask yourself for a minute what your life would be like if you weren’t straight. You would still be your normal self , have your own identity , and have your interests ! It wouldn’t change you and it shouldn’t. The key is to accept that you don’t know what you are so you don’t get caught up in the cycle of OCD. It takes practice but you can get there , recovery is more than possible and I say this as someone who has since recovered so much when I thought I never would‼️?? always here for you man
- Date posted
- 5y ago
And The thoughts (before / after bed) had followed me around for about 1.5 years, so there is hope I promise! It’s a shift from being distressed by the thoughts to learning they are misfires in the brain and not worth our conscious attention, they will happen
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Let me just say that I’m sorry that happened to you, it must’ve been a horrible experience. That’s illegal to do what he did, it should be very legal knowing the effect it had. Hope things get better for you.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I have been struggling w this same disease for a month or two now and I know how stressful and terrifying it can be (and of course this all started w me when I started my freshman year of college which SERIOUSLY sucks) but anyway this is what I try to do: When the thought appears in my brain I let it in and try to be like “oh yeah what if this was true it doesn’t matter it’s jsut a thought” and I try to focus on the good things in life (which I know is really hard soemtime) for example: I loveee to drive around and listen to music at sunset or really anytime of the day... but when I started getting these thoughts it really messed it up bc whenever I was alone I would think about it BUT I started to do ERP which is a type of therapy where u expose the thought which means that you let the thought it your head and what I do is just let myself think it over and over again (and yes this does give you anxiety at first) but eventually you find that it doesn’t scare as much anymore... now it does take time and you have to be patient w yourself and I do have bad days and good days but just always hold on to the thought that one day everything will be ok bc I know that it will... just seriously don’t let the thoughts ruin those really good times/moments w your friends/family just let them come into your brain and let them pass.... sorry I know that was extremely long and idk if you R gonna read all this hahaha
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thanks for your long message, I appreciate the long responses as sometimes the short ones don’t provide enough context :) i assure you I even read it and it helped!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Hey annie9! It’s not long at all and it’s really comforting for me to read. I really appreciate you taking the time to help me out and I’m sorry about your freshmen year. You’re rides sound fun. I might do that tonight :) Thank you!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Very illegal* sorry
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Xiandrewww I really appreciate you man! Thank you so much for your support. I reread you response and each time it makes me feel better. Thank you so much!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I know exactly how it is to have a thought that seems to follow you into every moment, I found it especially torturous to have the thought before falling asleep and when waking up. It’s like it has this hold on you that you can’t shake, I had a different thought than yours and it almost made me think I was a little depressed because I kept wanting to go to bed early all the time and slee for as long as possible so I wouldn’t have the thoughts. Unfortunately, going to sleep early for example means I am letting a thought rule my life. Once I realized how much havoc the thought had on my life, I finally felt like I had to tell my therapist (i was scared to) and I obviously dont know you or your situation, but regardless if you are a homosexual or not (adding that in order not to reassure), a thought is considered ocd when it is distressing. So regardless of the outcome, there are ways to cope with thoughts like this that keep hold of you: the main way is to accept that the are just thoughts, like clouds in the air that pass through or my personal favorite: like your stuck in a room with a fly and you will hear it’s annoying buzzing, but the volume will be much lower if you put it in the back of your head as a thought you shouldn’t bring attention to because if it’s distressing, then it’s ocd. With the help of my therapist, i can now regain my life & sleep lifestyle and feel free - I don’t have those thoughts before or after sleep anymore. Good luck!!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you so much for taking the time to share with me. I just want you to know this really helps and I appreciate you :)
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Used to think the same shit Winded up i tried tô be lesbo and Hated It don't fool yourself into this
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I probably would have froze too! I would have thought I was dreaming or something!! Welcome to the app we are happy to have you!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thanks Grace! :)
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I think you might have a little trauma from the experiance. I have ptsd from some traumatic childhood sexual experiances that involved watching lesbian porn. Periodically i would go through this stuff because i went along with it and didnt stop it. I thought maybe i was a lesbian because the stuff on the tv was arousing. It was all so confusing. But when your very scared you freeze its a survival instinct. Also when something is terrifying and sexual at the same time your body reacts without your consent in a way. I just wanted you to know that i struggle with this too. It would be best to talk to a therapist about this too. Ocd thoughts that tie into traumatic experiances are stored a little differantly in the brain. BUT cbt and all the advice everyone gives here is very good and works for this stuff!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w ago
I’m really struggling with something related to me ocd, and I would appreciate kind and supportive advice. If you can’t relate or don’t think anything you have to say would be helpful, I kindly ask pls refrain from commenting this is a really sensitive topic for me. Recently, I’ve noticed a pattern that feels something extremely new and distressing. The first time it happened I remember telling myself before self pleasuring that I am in control no matter what thought comes into my mind because I wanted to prove to myself that these thoughts are just from OCD and I know who I am and an intrusive that came out of no where, and i suddenly felt an intense fear that I was acting on it. In the moment I genuinely felt like I did. And afterword, I panicked and started questioning myself. This SAME FEELING has happened three times in a row each time, the intrusive thought was unwanted and random, and completely against my morals most recently it involved pocd and it feels even worse because it generally felt like I acted on it the thought in the moment while I was self pleasuring the panic doesn’t hit until afterwards when I stop :/ I start thinking that maybe I generally made a mistake and I’m now just realizing that it’s wrong because it generally feels like that :( but when I actually think about it again goes against my morals and values doesn’t make sense it feels incredibly real, and I can’t seem to shake this feeling off that I may have acted on it I’m terrified because I never wanted these thoughts in the first place. And I definitely didn’t choose them. If I had known, I would’ve had these intrusive thoughts I wouldn’t have self pleasured in the first place but it’s extremely hard to convince myself that this may be OCD because I feel like I have no other reason to believe that I didn’t act on it :/
- Date posted
- 15w ago
I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh
- Date posted
- 12w ago
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
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