Hello everyone! I’m new and I’m struggling. This thought has been following me for about a year now and it’s always the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep. I love going to sleep because I can stop thinking about it and I hate waking up because instantly I’m like here we go again. I had a horrible experience about a year ago when I went for a facial. While I was laying there the man cleaning my face grabbed my penis and rubbed it. I froze and didn’t know how to react. I just wanted to leave the room. After that I kept on thinking why didn’t I react? Am I a homosexual and ever since that moment I have not been able to stop this thought! It’s mentally frustrating and I’m losing my ability to communicate and focus because it’s always in the back of my mind. I can’t sleep sometimes and I don’t know what to do. Please help!

First of all , welcome to the app man !! It’s great to have you here and you’ll find that the community on here is so understanding and supportive so you made a great choice. Second of all , I’m so sorry you had to experience that , I can’t imagine how humiliating and uncomfortable it was for you !! What he did was disgusting. How are you feeling about that particular incident ? How much does it affect you outside of your OCD ?? And as for not reacting , I don’t wanna give you reassurance , but I’m not surprised you didn’t react. In moments where something very unexpected happens you tend to freeze up because your mind is probably going in overdrive trying to figure out what to do , how to react , and how to feel. Along with the fact that you’re in shock. These are all realistic possibilities , but ask yourself for a minute what your life would be like if you weren’t straight. You would still be your normal self , have your own identity , and have your interests ! It wouldn’t change you and it shouldn’t. The key is to accept that you don’t know what you are so you don’t get caught up in the cycle of OCD. It takes practice but you can get there , recovery is more than possible and I say this as someone who has since recovered so much when I thought I never would‼️?? always here for you man

And The thoughts (before / after bed) had followed me around for about 1.5 years, so there is hope I promise! It’s a shift from being distressed by the thoughts to learning they are misfires in the brain and not worth our conscious attention, they will happen

Let me just say that I’m sorry that happened to you, it must’ve been a horrible experience. That’s illegal to do what he did, it should be very legal knowing the effect it had. Hope things get better for you.

I have been struggling w this same disease for a month or two now and I know how stressful and terrifying it can be (and of course this all started w me when I started my freshman year of college which SERIOUSLY sucks) but anyway this is what I try to do: When the thought appears in my brain I let it in and try to be like “oh yeah what if this was true it doesn’t matter it’s jsut a thought” and I try to focus on the good things in life (which I know is really hard soemtime) for example: I loveee to drive around and listen to music at sunset or really anytime of the day... but when I started getting these thoughts it really messed it up bc whenever I was alone I would think about it BUT I started to do ERP which is a type of therapy where u expose the thought which means that you let the thought it your head and what I do is just let myself think it over and over again (and yes this does give you anxiety at first) but eventually you find that it doesn’t scare as much anymore... now it does take time and you have to be patient w yourself and I do have bad days and good days but just always hold on to the thought that one day everything will be ok bc I know that it will... just seriously don’t let the thoughts ruin those really good times/moments w your friends/family just let them come into your brain and let them pass.... sorry I know that was extremely long and idk if you R gonna read all this hahaha

Very illegal* sorry

Xiandrewww I really appreciate you man! Thank you so much for your support. I reread you response and each time it makes me feel better. Thank you so much!

I know exactly how it is to have a thought that seems to follow you into every moment, I found it especially torturous to have the thought before falling asleep and when waking up. It’s like it has this hold on you that you can’t shake, I had a different thought than yours and it almost made me think I was a little depressed because I kept wanting to go to bed early all the time and slee for as long as possible so I wouldn’t have the thoughts. Unfortunately, going to sleep early for example means I am letting a thought rule my life. Once I realized how much havoc the thought had on my life, I finally felt like I had to tell my therapist (i was scared to) and I obviously dont know you or your situation, but regardless if you are a homosexual or not (adding that in order not to reassure), a thought is considered ocd when it is distressing. So regardless of the outcome, there are ways to cope with thoughts like this that keep hold of you: the main way is to accept that the are just thoughts, like clouds in the air that pass through or my personal favorite: like your stuck in a room with a fly and you will hear it’s annoying buzzing, but the volume will be much lower if you put it in the back of your head as a thought you shouldn’t bring attention to because if it’s distressing, then it’s ocd. With the help of my therapist, i can now regain my life & sleep lifestyle and feel free - I don’t have those thoughts before or after sleep anymore. Good luck!!

Used to think the same shit Winded up i tried tô be lesbo and Hated It don't fool yourself into this

I probably would have froze too! I would have thought I was dreaming or something!! Welcome to the app we are happy to have you!

I think you might have a little trauma from the experiance. I have ptsd from some traumatic childhood sexual experiances that involved watching lesbian porn. Periodically i would go through this stuff because i went along with it and didnt stop it. I thought maybe i was a lesbian because the stuff on the tv was arousing. It was all so confusing. But when your very scared you freeze its a survival instinct. Also when something is terrifying and sexual at the same time your body reacts without your consent in a way. I just wanted you to know that i struggle with this too. It would be best to talk to a therapist about this too. Ocd thoughts that tie into traumatic experiances are stored a little differantly in the brain. BUT cbt and all the advice everyone gives here is very good and works for this stuff!!