- Username
- alvin
- Date posted
- 5y ago
First of all , welcome to the app man !! It’s great to have you here and you’ll find that the community on here is so understanding and supportive so you made a great choice. Second of all , I’m so sorry you had to experience that , I can’t imagine how humiliating and uncomfortable it was for you !! What he did was disgusting. How are you feeling about that particular incident ? How much does it affect you outside of your OCD ?? And as for not reacting , I don’t wanna give you reassurance , but I’m not surprised you didn’t react. In moments where something very unexpected happens you tend to freeze up because your mind is probably going in overdrive trying to figure out what to do , how to react , and how to feel. Along with the fact that you’re in shock. These are all realistic possibilities , but ask yourself for a minute what your life would be like if you weren’t straight. You would still be your normal self , have your own identity , and have your interests ! It wouldn’t change you and it shouldn’t. The key is to accept that you don’t know what you are so you don’t get caught up in the cycle of OCD. It takes practice but you can get there , recovery is more than possible and I say this as someone who has since recovered so much when I thought I never would‼️?? always here for you man
And The thoughts (before / after bed) had followed me around for about 1.5 years, so there is hope I promise! It’s a shift from being distressed by the thoughts to learning they are misfires in the brain and not worth our conscious attention, they will happen
Let me just say that I’m sorry that happened to you, it must’ve been a horrible experience. That’s illegal to do what he did, it should be very legal knowing the effect it had. Hope things get better for you.
I have been struggling w this same disease for a month or two now and I know how stressful and terrifying it can be (and of course this all started w me when I started my freshman year of college which SERIOUSLY sucks) but anyway this is what I try to do: When the thought appears in my brain I let it in and try to be like “oh yeah what if this was true it doesn’t matter it’s jsut a thought” and I try to focus on the good things in life (which I know is really hard soemtime) for example: I loveee to drive around and listen to music at sunset or really anytime of the day... but when I started getting these thoughts it really messed it up bc whenever I was alone I would think about it BUT I started to do ERP which is a type of therapy where u expose the thought which means that you let the thought it your head and what I do is just let myself think it over and over again (and yes this does give you anxiety at first) but eventually you find that it doesn’t scare as much anymore... now it does take time and you have to be patient w yourself and I do have bad days and good days but just always hold on to the thought that one day everything will be ok bc I know that it will... just seriously don’t let the thoughts ruin those really good times/moments w your friends/family just let them come into your brain and let them pass.... sorry I know that was extremely long and idk if you R gonna read all this hahaha
Thanks for your long message, I appreciate the long responses as sometimes the short ones don’t provide enough context :) i assure you I even read it and it helped!
Hey annie9! It’s not long at all and it’s really comforting for me to read. I really appreciate you taking the time to help me out and I’m sorry about your freshmen year. You’re rides sound fun. I might do that tonight :) Thank you!
Very illegal* sorry
Xiandrewww I really appreciate you man! Thank you so much for your support. I reread you response and each time it makes me feel better. Thank you so much!
I know exactly how it is to have a thought that seems to follow you into every moment, I found it especially torturous to have the thought before falling asleep and when waking up. It’s like it has this hold on you that you can’t shake, I had a different thought than yours and it almost made me think I was a little depressed because I kept wanting to go to bed early all the time and slee for as long as possible so I wouldn’t have the thoughts. Unfortunately, going to sleep early for example means I am letting a thought rule my life. Once I realized how much havoc the thought had on my life, I finally felt like I had to tell my therapist (i was scared to) and I obviously dont know you or your situation, but regardless if you are a homosexual or not (adding that in order not to reassure), a thought is considered ocd when it is distressing. So regardless of the outcome, there are ways to cope with thoughts like this that keep hold of you: the main way is to accept that the are just thoughts, like clouds in the air that pass through or my personal favorite: like your stuck in a room with a fly and you will hear it’s annoying buzzing, but the volume will be much lower if you put it in the back of your head as a thought you shouldn’t bring attention to because if it’s distressing, then it’s ocd. With the help of my therapist, i can now regain my life & sleep lifestyle and feel free - I don’t have those thoughts before or after sleep anymore. Good luck!!
Thank you so much for taking the time to share with me. I just want you to know this really helps and I appreciate you :)
Used to think the same shit Winded up i tried tô be lesbo and Hated It don't fool yourself into this
I probably would have froze too! I would have thought I was dreaming or something!! Welcome to the app we are happy to have you!
Thanks Grace! :)
I think you might have a little trauma from the experiance. I have ptsd from some traumatic childhood sexual experiances that involved watching lesbian porn. Periodically i would go through this stuff because i went along with it and didnt stop it. I thought maybe i was a lesbian because the stuff on the tv was arousing. It was all so confusing. But when your very scared you freeze its a survival instinct. Also when something is terrifying and sexual at the same time your body reacts without your consent in a way. I just wanted you to know that i struggle with this too. It would be best to talk to a therapist about this too. Ocd thoughts that tie into traumatic experiances are stored a little differantly in the brain. BUT cbt and all the advice everyone gives here is very good and works for this stuff!!
Hi :) I have always struggled with intrusive sexual thoughts since i was a kid. (probably due to sexual abuse) And in my teen years I spent a considerable amount of time fighting unwanted romantic feelings toward my girl friends. This year though, I think I’m coming to terms with the fact that I might be gay. I just never feel this way toward men. And it feels like all of my efforts to keep those unwanted gay thoughts away growing up didn’t work. I feel like it’s my fault somehow. I’m not sure if this makes sense, but I guess i’m trying to work on accepting these thoughts of mine.
Can someone please just help me, I’m a 23 year old male and I have been molested by my cousins when I was younger and they did things to me when I was a kid and I ended up doing some sexual things to two other guys but I was like 11 or 12 I was little but I’m 23 now and i have so many intrusive thoughts about my sexuality I have a gf right now but it’s killing me I question myself every second I just don’t know what to do anymore I know I’m not gay but at the same time it’s like why did I do that to two other people when I was a kid what does that mean ? I’ve been fine until this past October my whole world fell apart with these thoughts from my past or something I’ve just lost myself.
Lately I've been having a lot of groinal responses, don't want them to be there. Before any of this even happened to me, I don't think I ever had a groinal response looking at another man, it makes me convinced that I've always been gay. I don't wanna be gay. This morning I had a dream about a rapper, it wasn't sexual but for some reason I was hard? I have always been a fan of his music and that's it. Now that's fueling my thought process even more and convincing me that I'm gay and I've been in the closet for a while At the same time i keep crying looking at my ex cause i miss her so much. Another thing to note that whenever i see good looking men or men that are gay i get groinal responses, whereas before this I don't think any of this happened to me. Whenever i look at these men i have to actively take a few deep breath's to catch up my breath, i can feel my heart beating. And most of the times I'm not even thinking anything sexual when ilook at these men it's weird. None of this brings me happiness at all. At this point I'm scared of my own groin cause i don't know what to expect or what's gonna happen. My brain keeps going you're in denial I've always been into women, as far as i can remember, I've lost complete attraction to them especially after my break up and getting depressed and having anxiety. And i keep thinking find a man attractive and if i get a groinal response, " wanna have sex with him" where as before any of this happened to me, these thoughts never even came to my mind, my 22 years of life feels like a complete lie and i hate myself, I've lost all motivation to do Normal things, i feel sleepy, i don't feel confident, loss of attraction, loss of libido, loss of will power, my thoughts keep morphing from " you might be gay" to "you are gay" to "you're bi" to "you're gay" to " you're in the closest" to "how are you gonna come out?". None of these thoughts make me happy, it makes me more confused and scared and kinda uncomfortable, and weirded out too. Another thing i did was since December till March i watched gay porn and barely got aroused and didn't really find it all that hot.? But my brain ignores that i understand now that it was a compulsive thing that's why i stopped but now i get so many groinals it's so weird Can someone tell me what's going on with me? Please please please someone take the time out of their day to read this and respond, thank you! 😩😩😩
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