Existential ocd?

Does anyone had or have the existential fear of our brain functions. I have so much hyperawareness in my thoughts, I focus all the time in my feelings and my intentions in order to check if I am strange or not and if I have control of my actions. I do psychotherapy 4 years and I thought I was fine. But this June I had a derealization episode(or ocd) , after that a depersonalization episode (or ocd) and after that I have obsessions about our existence and that every aspect in our lives has to do with our brain and for some reason these thoughts scary me. I know that at some point is ocd but I am very confused why this thoughts scary me so much. I observe others and I am curious how it's possible not to think about that and this make it worse . I am so anxious because obviously we are our brain ,I know that and brain has to do with everything,but I don't know why it make me anxious and if it's possible to live without these thoughts. I do many compulsion but my biggest is to figure out if I have compulsion in order to figure out if my thoughts is ocd or delusions. It's so real and these thoughts really bother me. Any other with same experience?

Username: Lost-Lost-

Date posted: 21w ago

I have been experiencing the exact same thing and it is alienating, terrifying and upsetting constantly. Being awake sometimes makes me feel like I can’t run away from certain realities that everyone else is either wilfully blind to, completely unaware or unbothered by.

Username: Lost-Lost-

Date posted: 21w ago

@Lost- It’s also upsetting when I discuss with my therapist, that the existential fear and overthinking that doesn’t ever turn off no matter how hard I try, causes me such distress and disconnection from life and others, and they almost never understand why it’s such a big deal

Username: sray719sray719

Date posted: 21w ago

@Lost- Can we talk?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 21w ago

Yea I'm going through this too. It can be quite annoying. The part that gets me is that all of a sudden in the middle of a conversation or a task I get these intrusive thoughts about my existence and the nature of it. The thoughts that always get me is the unanswerable ones i.e. why are we all here, how do I know what to say immediately when talking, how do my arms move if I don't think about doing it, am i really in control of my brain, where do my thoughts come from, why am i super aware of my existence, whats the nature of our consciousness...of course in fashion with OCD patterns. Which is a way you know it's ocd. I've been stuck in these thoughts for a while now. You also know it's ocd because of the intrusive nature. Knowing it's ocd is the start I've found. When I get stuck in these thought loops with existential ocd... I've found the best thing to combat it with is cognitive diffusion. "How does my brain do X task" it just does, it's not worth analyzing. "Why are we all here" who cares I'm going to do something fun now instead of doing mental compulsions. Etc.... The existential stuff is sneaky and basically blowing it off as something of no value seems the best route out. Although like most ocd it is still intrusive and won't stop overnight. Believe I know it's hard and irritating. Definitely not pleasant. It takes some practice. I remind myself frequently that if I didn't have ocd I wouldn't care about any of this and before my ocd latched onto it I never cared..... it's just the disorder. I'm fine and nothing is wrong besides the disorder. Feeding compulsions makes it worse. The way out is to not do that.

Username: DimitrisHDimitrisH

Date posted: 21w ago

I got you. But for some reason when I try to be mindfull it gets worse because my intrusive thought says "look ,you are mindfull because of your mind" . Or when I feel happy and interesting about something my intrusive thought says "look you are happy because of a chemical source in your 🧠: serotonin " and It gets worse.

Username: DimitrisHDimitrisH

Date posted: 21w ago

I try to remind to myself that this is ocd but of course I doubt about that too. I know someway that this is ocd but my 🧠 says to me that it's not ocd and your thoughts are delusion.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 21w ago

@DimitrisH Yea the serotonin one I do as well. A friend taught me once that fearing anxiety behaviors makes the anxiety worse. I'd your afraid of thinking about existence it makes it worse. If you have the thoughts just be OK with them. Don't engage them let then come and go. If you fear having then then you'll have anxiety around it. It sounds easy but I know all too well that it's really irritating and distressing but remember if you didn't have ocd you'd never care. The existential thoughts aren't the annoying thing it's ocd

Username: DimitrisHDimitrisH

Date posted: 21w ago

@Anonymous The point is that indeed I'm getting anxious when I think that we are our mind but on the other hand I am getting anxious since i realize that there is no doubt in this thought and why it scares me? I don't know if you catch me

Username: sray719sray719

Date posted: 21w ago

I’m going through the exact thing. I can’t do anything without thinking about it. Makes me so scared and cry.

Username: Asiul79Asiul79

Date posted: 17w ago

Oh I feel you! It sucks, but at least we are not alone in our over aware brains

Username: Christian

Date posted: 6y ago

Hello everyone! (Existential Obsessions) I have struggled with anxiety since I was a young boy. I remember worrying when I was younger that I was inadvertently trying to harm my mother, even though I love my mother more than anyone in the world. It’s shifted more times than I can count, from worrying about poisoning or contamination to thinking that I had heart disease. It’s all the same animal just shape shifting into whatever I fear most at the given time. Currently, (trigger warning) I am constantly obsessed with the fear of developing some sort of delusion or schizophrenia. I am 25 years old (I know that it would’ve probably developed by now) and have no schizophrenia in my gene pool. But I am constantly checking my thoughts to see if they sound delusional or if I am hallucinating my reality. This of course if extremely frustrating for someone with OCD because there is never going to be any definitive proof that I am not going mad. It has caused me extreme discomfort over the past few months and has brought me to extreme states of panic. I was wondering if any of you deal with existential OCD or fears of losing touch with reality. Of course, some days this seems laughable and others I can almost taste the insanity. On paper, everything in my life is going amazingly but in truth I can’t seem to enjoy any of it because I have these nightmarish intrusions of everything falling apart around me. Is this a common symptom? P.S I already run a few miles a day, meditate, do yoga and am working on strengthening my CBT. Any other suggestions?

Username: alvab

Date posted: 2y ago

Advice pls 💔

Why is ocd making me afraid at the fact I have two eyes. It’s literally completely normal! I can’t stop being scared of what being a human means. I feel like I keep trying to find someone to relate to but no one has had the same thought/fear. Ocd is so mean so so mean. I just keep getting these intrusive thoughts of our biology and our existence. It keeps asking me all these things and I seriously cannot handle it anymore. It makes me feel so weird, crazy, and anxious. It’s so unsettling it makes me want to throw up. At this point I’m doing all this research to just try and figure out what this means about me and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know it’s it’s dpdr , philosophical ocd, etc. I’m so upset because it makes me feel like I’m an alien or something. I don’t know what’s wrong. I just want to stop having these thoughts and stop fixating on how we work as humans. I saw someone say that they have fixated on the thought of having thoughts and it made me feel a bit better but idk what to do anymore. How can I possibly be afraid of my own existence and my own being.

Existential OCD

Username: enoughocd

Date posted: 41w ago

Existential ocd /harm ocd

Hi all , please comment if you’re experiencing what I’m about to share . I am going through a very tough time with existential fears & very frightening thoughts to a point where the thought of myself sends me into a spiral. I ask myself “am I even existing right now as I’m typing this” “ how do I know that I’m not already dead or in a purgatory “how do I confirm that I even exist” what if I’ve already died and this is what death feels like “ nothing & no one around me feels real , I look at my kids & my husband & question their existence. I’ve also been suffering from severe depersonalisation/derealisation & I don’t know which one is triggering the other ! I also suffer from harm ocd where I’m forever worrying that I might lose control & harm my family whom I love to bits & I’m always battling the nightmare inside me that makes me believe that I’ve already hurt them but I just don’t know it … I’m on lexapro & have been for two years but I find that all it does is numb my emotions, I can’t cry & at times worry that if sharpens to someone I love , I may not be able to cry or show emotions . I am convinced that I’ve developed schizophrenia 🥲🥲 which has always been my worst fear! Or that I’ve gone psychotic without realising . I cannot see myself out of this hole & my brain had forgotten what being a normal person once felt like 🥲🥲. I was seeing a psychologist and he did ERP with me but sadly that did Not help so I stopped seeing him altogether & lost faith in therapy altogether ! Sorry this is a very long post but I just want to know that someone out there is experiencing the same symptoms and has gotten over it through ERP or other medication ? Because I feel like I’m the only one suffering from this debilitating illness and there’s no way out!

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