Real events!!!

Does anyone that is diagnosed have experience having different themes come up in a day? It’s like I ignored one thought and then my mind comes up with another one until it figures out one that is scary enough for me to ruminate. Does it ever make sense? Like today my intrusive thought was an image of me in the space or falling into space which made me also think - this is non sense! Am I going crazy for having such an unrealistic intrusive thought? And then my psychosis OCD comes to play 🫠 it’s EXHAUSTING but I’ve been answering with “maybe or maybe not” and “I don’t care” which is something I saw someone saying that helps and I’ve been using it. I haven’t started ERP yet but hopefully soon. Just this year this came up and I still catch myself feeling so sad and remembering how I was before this. 😭

Hi everyone, I am 20 years old with ADHD and i need some help. Recently, i got diagnosed with OCD; and i am dealing with Real event OCD/intrusive thoughts. When i was 16, i said something out loud (i think that was impulsive/intrusive) that was immorally wrong and against my morals. I was aware of my wrong doing, yet i still said it because i announced it in a “jokingly way” i completely regret it and ashamed of it. i don’t want to go into detail on what i said, because i don’t feel comfortable. But anyways, at the time i didn’t think what i said was “bad” and i just brushed it off to the side. then 1-2 months later, i came to the realization, that what i said was wrong. Since then, i have been fixated on the event as i feel like a “bad person”. What is wrong with me? Why would i say that? I feel like i don’t deserve pity or forgiveness. I don’t know what to do. I am not trying to find reassurance. I just want to find people who share similar experiences.

I don't feel like my real event ocd is actually normal. people don't just make mistakes or do stuff like that as a child. and I feel guilty and shameful because it's awful. how is that ocd and not just terrible and criminal. and the fact that I can't remember if I actually did something just as bad or something similar when I got older is insane. like why would I have done it again if I'm not a bad person? it feels like i might actually remember it and there's no way of knowing. it's gross and disgusting and criminal!!! how would I ever tell a therapist about those actions and expect them to not be weired out, concerned, and inclined to tell me same things that I'm thinking which is that I shouldn't be alive or I belong locked up for what I did. having ocd doesn't excuse my past mistakes, child or not. especially when I'm unsure if something happened again when I was an older teen and would have known better. and how do I live on and the people in my life don't know these mistakes. they wouldn't want to know me if they knew what I did so am I lying to them by omitting the awful things about myself??