The thoughts are coming in like rapid fire. And I’ll be fine for a minute and they are back again the next minute. Scarier and more intense. It legit feels like I am losing my mind.
This is what being in the grips of OCD is like. It is scary and those who have not experienced it will not understand. It’s important to try your best to calm yourself in healthy ways and be aware that you are not “going crazy” you are currently experiencing disordered thinking while you await proper support and therapy. You have got this 💪🏻
@JellyBeansss Thank you. This is definitely a bad relapse for me.
You are not loosing your mind. You are trying to control what you have no control over, your thoughts. Thin about ii, you need another brain to control your brain, how absurd is that? Just let it be, even if it triggers bad feelings, just acknowledge it is not you who control that. What is under your control is doing compulsion as a reaction under the illusion that it will relieve your feelings. Resist them, and don't feed the beast, it will make it more aggressive. Hope you feel better soon
@hanysm@gmail.com Thank you. The fact it feels so real doesn’t help!
Guys, tell me, please, What could be something similar to loss of consciousness? I'm not losing. But it's like with every thought, there's a distortion. I know what I'm thinking, then out of nowhere I realize what I'm thinking and it hits me: I thought something wrong? It's all the time. And I can't focus on it.It's so much that I can't even imagine anything in my mind. It seems like I'm so focused on the now, on my body, that I can't do anything.
I was doing so much better with my OCD. I thought I finally figured it out. However, the last two weeks have been a nightmare. It’s like I went from 0-100 all over again. And it’s become scarier than it ever has been. Every other thought is either causing me anxiety or turning into an intrusive thought. Any headache or feeling of derealization, and I start to spiral. My thoughts are becoming more gruesome and feeling more real. The intrusive urges are so bad it feels like at any moment I could actually just snap. It feels like I am about to go crazy. Another hard aspect is when I’m getting these intrusive urges it feels like I want to do it or I don’t care if I do it. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like this disgusting monster who is just going to lose it and I want it to be over. Why is this happening when I was finally better? It makes me feel like it’s not OCD and I’m actually this person and I’m just holding my true self back. I’m sick to my stomach.
I know I am going a bit cuckoo because my period is coming up, but lately it feels like every intrusive thought I have, I *like* it. Like I genuinely feel like I like it, and then I immediately panic because I start checking. Mentally, emotionally, whatever it is. And I know that is a compulsion. I *know* that. But it feels so real that I cannot stop myself. Every single time I check, it still feels like I like the thought, and it is driving me absolutely insane. It is especially the POCD thoughts. They feel so real. I feel like something is going on mentally, like some kind of confusion or glitch, because I swear I was not like this before. I would have intrusive thoughts, and they would feel real, but not *this* real. And I do not even know if this is normal. I know OCD is **supposed** to feel convincing. That is the whole thing. But I have never experienced it to this extreme. I have never gotten the same thought so many times and still felt like, “Oh my God, I did enjoy it,” even after checking a million times. It is like no matter how many times I check, it feels like I liked it. Especially during intimacy :( and it is making me lose it. Then I start thinking, “Well, I am in distress, so maybe that is proof it is not actually me.” But right after, I am like, “What if I am only panicking because I care about what society thinks and not because I actually have morals?” And then I spiral again, wondering if maybe I just care about how I am seen rather than who I am. I am panicking so much no today. I had to take my Xanax today for the first time in two months, and I needed three separate doses. I really need some support right now.
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