Real event stopping me from having a relationship

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE ANSWER When I was younger (like 17/18) I met a girl who went to the same school as me and lived in the same town. She was younger than me. (like 14). I was so stupid to talk to her and become friends with her. I thought she was cute and all. She also liked me (which was very wrong) and right now (a couple years later) I'm ruminating on it. I have the fear of becoming a pedophile and I'm so scared this means that I become one. I used to chat with her, and one time when I drank too much, I told her that she was pretty and stuff. I've so much guilt around it and I feel so freaking bad. Is it normal if I liked a girl around her age that time? I'm so scared because of this, I'll have to go to jail??! I NEVER intended on more than that, she was just cute and nothing more.

I’m 26 and a female. I have this big thing about guys talking to younger girls like I think it’s super creepy when a 26 year old goes after like 18-20 year old girls. Like going out of their way, usually if I know the age of a guy is under 22 even I’m like NOOO. But my friends brother is 20 turning 21 soon and he’s very cute and I am attracted to him and we kissed and I am in my head so much about it because of the age difference. I didn’t really think I’d be attracted to him because I did think he was cute but his age was like a no no for me but now I’m like it isn’t even a big deal & im not going after young guys as I hate men do it like legit go after those ages specifically. I’m in my head a lot about it thinking am I a creep for that? Does this mean I like younger people? I have had sexual trauma from childhood of being weird with other kids with games and stuff even though I was only 7. So I get scared I’m just this creepy creep who likes younger kids even though he’s 20 and not a kid but I’m scared in my head ugh.

So I have a confession to make. I was raised very strictly so I had barely any access to social media, no friends, no social interaction. I was smart, but it really made me lag behind when it comes to social situations. When I was 18, I befriended a 14 year old that became one of my closest friends as we were in the same sports club. We hung out together everyday and he was my first ever friend that made me feel special. I was raised with an abusive dad so he made me feel very safe. One day, I ended up kissing him. (He has kissed multiple people and been in Relationships before but because I was a man child this was my very first kiss) it was like those first kisses you see in movies. Pretty brief like 4 pecs. I just loved him as he saved me from my depression. At that time, I had no idea that a 4 year age gap was weird and inappropriate. We only kissed that one time and we never talked about it until I remembered after 3 years. I was essentially a person with no access to social media no idea about relationships I just assumed it was ok because he was my friend. Around 3 years after the incident, I got access to social media and hear people saying people like me are pedophiles. I regret kissing him very much and even asked him if I hurt him, and he says he loves me as a friend and that I never did.(he is still very close to me). I still feel like a predator that I kissed someone that was 14 and I was 18, I attempted suicide multiple times, racked up over 100k in emergency and medical bills and therapy, but I feel like the only way is to end my life. I asked multiple lawyers if the kiss was legal, they all say it’s legal but I still don’t think I deserve to live. I’m mad that I was raised as this socially isolated loser. If I wasn’t, maybe this would never have happened. I want to hear the opinion of Reddit, am I unforgivable ? By I didn’t know the 4 year age gap was weird, I was complete socially isolated never even knew how relationships work, didn’t know about age of consent and stuff nothing. I essentially came out from the jungle. My worst fear is that I will go on the sex offender registry and my life ruined. I think I would rather die before that happens.