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Damn dude, I feel this to my core. Real event OCD is such a brutal beast, always twisting past moments into something monstrous. I’m actually dealing with something similar right now. I’ve been obsessing over this time when I was in college and I said something stupid to a classmate. I keep thinking everyone who knows about it must think I’m a terrible person, even though it was years ago and they probably don’t even remember. It’s like my brain just won’t let it go, you know? It’s fucking exhausting. But hey, I get where you’re coming from. The shame and guilt can be suffocating, making it feel like you’re trapped in this never-ending loop of self-doubt. But remember, we’re not defined by our past or these obsessive thoughts. You’re not alone in this struggle, my friend. We’re all just trying to make sense of the chaos in our heads. Hang in there, and know that you’re worthy of love and happiness. Sending you some strength and good vibes.

You shouldn't be guilty. You didn't do anything wrong.

Age 18 is such a factor with ocd, but in reality, you were just two years apart. People without ocd aren’t analyzing this, maybe there are a very small few people who have judgments about a small age gap. But I think the only person who is ever going to feel disgusted by this is yourself, so try not to let this eat you up anymore, it is not a reason to stop yourself from finding true love. I hope you are able to free yourself from this