I’ve been thinking for hours no stop about how I am cells and microbes and bacteria with no ME. There is no “i” It’s scary because i can’t be in my body rn. It’s not MY body. I can’t sleep either. I wish I could make this thought go away.
I think about this sometimes too. It's tough but at the end of the day all of the universe is made of separate tiny pieces and that's what makes it beautiful. We are the universe itself, you are also a part of something bigger. Something extraordinary. It's a beautiful thing.
I think you may be looking at it with the wrong perspective. I used to struggle with fearing this too. However, now I'm so intrigued by it and feel so blessed. I am nothing and I don't need to be. I don't need to have some grand purpose for life and existence. Thats just my ego fooling me. Now I feel I can relax and do what I was meant to, just enjoy the gift that is life. Who knows what comes after? We don't need to know. But the truth will be revealed in time. Until then, just relax and dream up a good life. :)
@daltonb.971 I appreciate this, thank you.
@jjtornado My pleasure.
I understand how hard existential OCD is. For example, sometimes I start thinking, "What is the point of me being a vegetarian if so many other people eat and use meat all the time?" Basically, my advice is, there are a lot of questions out there like this that don't have solid answers. Try to accept that you won't have the answers and that you don't need to find them, as tempting as it is to try.
I’ve just had the freakiest moment. My ocd is related to losing myself and last night I was just let in bed and instantly felt like a different person. It’s like someone just went and rewired my brain right there. Since that moment, I haven’t slept all night. It’s like my subconscious doesn’t want me to. Like I’ve tried and pushed the moment out my mind, but my alarm just went for college and I can’t believe I’ve basically been awake all night bc I’m hanging. Idk what to do, I’m so scared. I feel like this is real. I’ve had depersonalization and it doesn’t feel like that - it feels like someone actually just went into me. Anyone had this??
I woke up today terrified cause I didn’t feel connected to my body. I looked in the mirror and thought I was watching someone else and that was scary. Feeling depersonalized fueled my intrusive thoughts. Like “what if I’m going crazy”, “what if I have shifted personalities” or “what if I’m bipolar.” The fear of turning crazy also fueled the intrusive thoughts of me acting mentally crazed or like a child. These intrusive thoughts also tainted me into believing that everything I did was something a mentally crazed person would do. Now I have become more hyper aware of how I feel when I do simple things. This also fueled my OCD subtypes like harm/ suicidal because I think that if I’m not connected to my body then I have no control or might do irrational things. This feeling of not being connected to yourself is really scary and I hate the feeling. How do I get connected with myself again.
For the last few weeks I’ve been having terrifying thoughts when out in public, especially in busy crowds. Fixating on humans around me and how we exist, and then I start to think about how we all are skeletons/bones/have all these organs, and it is so scary. And then everyone looks so creepy and alien-like almost. And then how no one feels real and how and their limbs look too big for their bodies, etc And it makes me feel INSANE. I’m convinced something is terribly wrong with my brain. Has anyone ever experienced these type of scary thoughts?
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