i feel miserable, i don't know who to turn to anymore. i had very bad periods in my life where i felt depressed and suicidal for years but nothing compares to this, not only i feel depressed but my ocd is at an all time high. idk what to do i Just want to cry. i feel like I'm a monster and it feels reasonable to see myself this way. im a horrible person who doesn't deserve any of the good things in my life
You are not a horrible person. You are not a monster. I bet you ARE sweet and kind though. Those thoughts feel consuming but it gets lighter and easier. Sometimes it can fluctuate. Sending love hun. I was in the same spot when I was about 18.
Please don't think that way, i'm sure you are good person, i believe in you. If you want to share something you are going through at the moment, you can! I als go through such anxiety but we have to survive for ourselves but for no one.
I just wanted to let you know that you are very valuable and worthy and god has an amazing plan for you. Try telling yourself affirmations every morning and night (im valuable, im a good person, im worthy, i love myself, everything will work out…) and see what happens after a month or two. you can also start eating helathier. And don’t forget that the probability that you were born is 1 in 400 trillion. You are basically a miracle 💕
I'm currently feeling like this too, I believe we will get better even if it doesn't feel like it right now!
As hard as it feels right now, please remember that there are people who would be devastated without you. I’m not sure if you have a pet, but even your pet would be devastated. Hold on friend and don’t give up! These feelings are so heavy and I promise they will pass. I’ve had suicidal and harm thoughts for years now as well and there are days it’s really hard. These thoughts suck me away from the people around me. I’m so glad you reached out here.
And please cry! It’s okay to just cry! 💕
I’ve said and done so many hurtful things growing up, especially in elementary and middle school. I was very passive aggressive and mean for a majority of my life, and I’ve hurt peoples feelings. I’m no longer like that now, but every single thing I’ve ever done wrong replays in my head constantly, from the moment I wake up to the second I go to sleep. I know I deserve to feel the chronic guilt and shame, so I feel even more guilty pitying myself. It’s eating me alive, I’m so scared. I know people must hate me, and they have every right to. feel like I don’t deserve to have moments of happiness because I’ve taken that ability away from someone before. I’m not diagnosed, but this has been going on for years and I’m scared to talk to anyone about it because I fear they would look at me differently knowing I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. I feel like a monster. It’s ruining my life and I don’t know what to do.
I don't even know if I should put this here, but I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world, and I love her very much, but my thoughts keep saying I'm going to hurt her, so I can hurt God and idk what to do, I feel so disgusted and idk what to do, and the worst part is why does some part of me just not even care idk what to do anymore, it's almost like I'm turning into this horrible person and idk what to do, I'm really not sure what to do. I have really been able to be happy I just feel like I don't deserve it and I want to care about people and God and I want to be a good person, but a part of me shuts off my caring nature and idk what to do, I'm really freaking out because it's like IDC and idk what to do I just feel so nasty and scared because why don't I feel like I care. Why does it feel like it's something I wanna do idk, what to do I'm really freaking worried. Also I don't want OCD but a part of me says I need it or I like these thoughts and idk what to do, as im writing this i just feel like laughing and idk what to do, i really judt want jesus to hug me and say everything will be alright, i am such a monster....
I can't stop thinking about ending my life. I feel like I'm not even living, I'm just surviving. Everyone is capable of being a person and functioning and I'm just stuck here avoiding everything. My psychiatrist said my ocd is severe and it will all take time and I'll start erp and I'm already on medication but I just feel so depressed and like I won't be able to handle erp and it's already too late for me. I feel inhuman, it's debilitating. My major theme is just fear or contamination, I can't even make myself a meal I can't touch anything in the kitchen. I get stuck in the shower for 2 hours and when I don't shower because I'm depressed I feel like a walking germ. My hands are a mess, my school work is shit, I avoid and avoid and I'm just so tired of "living" like this. My psychiatrist said they don't have any therapists available right now like.... excuse me? What do you mean u don't have any 😭 I honestly don't even know why I'm typing this becuase nothing helps, nothing ever will. I'm so deep into this I can't get out, my room looks like shit, I can't live in this body anymore, I really can't. I let everyone down, I am and will be such a dissapointment. I don't have any dreams or goals or passions I just wasn't made to be here. I don't know how or who to ask for help like there's nothing anyone can do, I'm already on meds. I can't keep being like this, seeing everyone judge me for acting insane.
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