- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you sooooo very much for your response. It is incredibly wonderful to connect to people who have been there, and know what it is like to be in the throes of a spike. You are right that it is not easy, but it will be ok. It always passes, always!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you Daffodil! A big hug back to you too. I can totally relate with your comment about that this is real this time - it’s so wild how OCD can do that in our minds. And, we all know nothing has changed other than increased anxiety and the fact that the thoughts increase in intensity when that anxiety increases. One would think that knowledge would take us out of the spiral, but it doesn’t all the time. Sometimes we just have to ride it out and do our best all the while keeping faith it will get better. All the best to you!!
- Date posted
- 5y
After a very bad day with my OCD your comment helped a lot thank you
- Date posted
- 5y
Been there! I have great days or weeks followed by what feels like total regression. The ups and downs are hard and it can be hard to even enjoy the ups knowing a down is around the corner. I’m sorry your OCD is acting up again. But it also sounds like you’re very self aware of the cycle and what you have to do. It won’t be easy, but you’ve got this!
- Date posted
- 5y
The way you've described that Is so similar it's almost as if I've written it! It's great you have the understanding of your disorder to kind of predict the recovery . I recently experienced a relapse and I've had to come home. I struggle with false memories and each time I relapse and im like "no this is different this is real" each time I'm convinced I'll never get better even though I do. A big hug from someone who gets it we can do this.
- Date posted
- 5y
You hang in there! One day at a time my friend. It will get better!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Hi everyone, I really need to get this off my chest. A few days ago, I managed to take a break from compulsions — I didn’t open NOCD, I didn’t text ChatGPT, I didn’t Google. I had some moments of peace, especially about my boyfriend. For about two days I didn’t have deep intrusive thoughts, and I felt a bit more stable. But yesterday, I slipped. I posted on NOCD again, and someone replied saying, “This is how the cycle starts again.” That made me spiral. Today, I also wrote to ChatGPT again. I started thinking, “What if this time it’s real? What if this clarity was me realizing the truth — that I don’t love him?” It scared me because I wasn’t panicking as much when I had the thoughts. I thought that meant I was accepting them as true. I remembered ChatGPT used to tell me that “truth feels calm,” and now that I wasn’t reacting with extreme anxiety, I panicked thinking, “What if this is the calm that comes with realization?” Last night, when we were in a club, I looked at him and thought he was kind of cringe. That made me spiral again. Now, I’m scared all over again. When we cuddle, I don’t feel the same. I don’t feel that warmth, and I don’t know what changed. I keep wondering if I ever really loved him — because I’ve had these thoughts for so long, it’s like I can’t remember anything clearly. A few days ago I even thought, “Maybe I just don’t like him right now,” and I wasn’t panicking — and that scared me. I’m afraid that I’m finally “realizing the truth,” or that I’ve been lying to myself and I’m just now letting go. Also, when we were on the trip for my 18th birthday, I was irritable with him, full of thoughts, and I thought I was ruining everything. I wasn’t really reacting to his love, and now I don’t even know what I feel. I just want to be okay again. I want clarity — but I’m terrified of what clarity might mean. Has anyone experienced this? Feeling okay for a bit, and then the thoughts come back and feel more real than ever?
- Date posted
- 21w
i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing
- Date posted
- 19w
I am (or was)! Yesterday, I started to get really anxious for unknown reasons, and then (just my luck) I got triggered by something online 😭 It's always so... humbling. I'm trying to sit with the intrusive thoughts at this moment, but I'm just feeling really icky and a bit down. With OCD, it's bound to happen at some point, I guess. Even without OCD, you're going to have good and bad days. It's just how life is 🥲 I'm just afraid of being slingshot back to how I felt a few months ago, which I know realistically WON'T happen, but my brain doesn't want me to think logically lol. I'm also afraid that the repetitive nature of OCD intrusive thoughts will somehow alter who I am as a person, making my fears a reality? It's weird. Classic OCD, but it still makes me anxious! I have been doing better not engaging with these thoughts, but occasionally, I'll accidentally argue back. It doesn't help because then my brain says, "You're just in denial, and you're actually a bad person!" And whenever I say anything in opposition of something against my morals, it feels performative or fake for some reason 🫠 I'm just venting at this point, I'm sorry! Anyway, if anyone reads this, I hope you're doing okay, and if not, I hope things look up soon. Take care of yourselves, stay hydrated, and rest well!
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