Riso123

Date posted: 5y

Damn it. I've been doing so well. Just got up to put the kids to bed and the wife was washing up. The boiler switched on and I instantly saw it explode. I walked upstairs and can still the floor shaking where it's going to collapse. Went to the toilet and could feel it getting lower and lower as it fell through the floor. Still got to have a shower before bed and worried is going to fall through the floor :(. Trying hard not to cry as the kids are about. But wasnt expecting this sudden rush. Feel sick, legs are weak. Can't breath properly. Just want to run away from it all :(

Carl Cornett

Date posted: 5y

First, it’s a temporary state. That rush of anxiety was the result of a spontaneous intrusive thought. The novelty of it scared you. The loop began of you thinking about what if it’s true, why do I think about these things, what does it mean to think about them... Give yourself a moment and let your anxiety stay there. It’s going to be hard, but the very best thing you can do is go take a shower. While you’re there, you’re going to have the thoughts. Don’t resist, cancel, try to change, or argue with them. Just notice. Spend time in that space. You’ll get through it. The thought will become less sticky.

Riso123

Date posted: 5y

I can hear every creak in the shower add my kids are washing. I swear the cracks in my house suddenly got bigger. I have a sudden headache. This is so shit.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Oh my that must be hard. Fearing something that may or may not happen. But please try to calm down, nothings going to happen I promise. It was a sudden anxiety attack after all :(

Riso123

Date posted: 5y

It feels so real. I can feel the house vibrating, like it's about to collapse. Am I actually going insane?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Riso123 You could be having auditory or maybe sensory hallucinations. Feelings like these come with OCD and hallucinations. But that doesn't mean you're insane

Riso123

Date posted: 5y

@chamomile It certainly feels so real. Like I've been drinking too much and can't very my balance. Yet I don't drink! I've slept so much more than usual this weekend. I guess all this could be the antidepressants I started last Sunday kicking in. But it's still horrible.

Riso123

Date posted: 5y

I want tomorrow to come do I can go to work and get away from this house. That's so unfair on my kids and family though.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

That isnt unfair to an extent though I understand your fear, I mean your kids are going to go to school, they're gonna be fine.

Riso123

Date posted: 5y

@chamomile It's half term here, but I have to go to work anyway. Pay of me just doesn't want to come back though :(

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Riso123 That must be extremely distressful, I really wish I could help in any way but I'm not best at dealing with something that has possibilities of being really high :(

Riso123

Date posted: 5y

I can't think straight again. My mind is flooded. I've been so good for the last week and enjoyed this app for the last two days, feeling maybe I wasnt that bad, but now I feel like a failure. Weak. I've let myself and my family down. I can't take this responsibility of children. How can I look after them when I can't look after my own mind. Yet somehow they are perfectly sound and lively kids and I live them so much. How can I be so torn. It's like my head is being ripped apart :(

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I can understand the pain of you just how your responsibility as the bread winner of the family and as a husband and a father is being overtaken by OCD. But try to calm down, I hope your house isnt an old lot, creaking sounds in houses are pretty common but if it's happening too much like on a regular basis, reinforce the walls and floors maybe.

Riso123

Date posted: 5y

@chamomile It's about 70 years. Houses here ate built to last. We had a survey dinner on our house last week and nothing major wad reported.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Riso123 70 years?! Wow that's honestly incredible, houses around here don't last very long, but still if you're afraid that it IS going to break and collapse, reinforce it cause they possibilities are uncertain, maybe high maybe low. But that's a good sign of nothing major was reported :)

Mike1234

Date posted: 5y

I call this “chaining”. You are rolling your initial intrusive thought into another and then into another... chaining them together to build yourself a story line that eventually effects you physically. A good way to handle this is to acknowledge that your ocd brain is generating these intrusive thoughts and tying them to what matters most to you “your family”. Tell yourself it’s the ocd again and I’m ignoring it. It’s just a waste of my valuable time. I don’t have to run through these scenarios and bring them into my life.

Riso123

Date posted: 5y

This is exactly what it's doing. I just can't stop. :(

Riso123

Date posted: 5y

@Greenwhale I just want it to go away. My son Judy come to me and said, I look sad is it my OCD? Bless him. He's cuddling me now telling me not to worry and it will be ok. I just wish he didn't see me like this.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Riso123 That's extremely sweet of him to do. Seriously may God bless him. It's a sign he's going to be very understanding boy growing up. But having OCD isn't a simple thing and communicating it with your children and family is important, and I'm happy that he from a young age understands that :)

Riso123

Date posted: 5y

@chamomile He does, but sometimes he asks if he has made me sad :(. I hope my own OCD won't affect him later on life.

Mike1234

Date posted: 5y

Please be aware that ocd that is not managed can turn into depression. Sleep patterns can be affected by depression. Make sure you eating healthy and getting outside for walks etc. Self-care is very important. It’s ok to take care of yourself so you can better care for family. Please don’t beat yourself up over this. It’s a brain disorder called “ocd”. Pull back and evaluate where you are today, you can adjust and make course corrections as needed. Take baby steps, a little each day. You’ve got this.

Riso123

Date posted: 5y

I already have depression unfortunately. Have done since I was 15 and I'm 38 now. Part of me feels guilty for bringing children in to this world :(. Now I'm back to hoping for a war to break out our something. For ssome reason this makes me feel at ease. I don't really know what to write now. My mind is a jumbled mass of negative thoughts flashing in front of me. None of it is nice. Is this OCD? Is this something else? It's like my brain lines to torment ne with negative and horrible visions. Mocking me :(

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Riso123 I'm so sorry you had depression, honestly you're such a brave man. Youve lived with depression since you were 15 and come so far. You shouldn't feel guilty for bringing your beautiful children into this world, they understand as young kids and know about your problems. You're still having OCD, in of the other threads you said it yourself, OCD is fed by fear and all other negative thoughts. Im providing reassurance but I really think you need it just for a bit. Kind of a silly question, but are you on medication?

Mike1234

Date posted: 5y

@Riso123 Here’s an article on OCD and Depression and how they are linked. Learning as much as you can about your condition and learning techniques for managing it are good places to focus on for well being. https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/ocd-and-depression/

squirrelobse...

Date posted: 19w

Panicking and feel back at stage one

Earlier I posted about trying to get back to sitting on my sofa without a blanket covering it. And I did it, but now my day has been ruined. I left for two seconds and my cat decided to sit there, so now it's not clean anymore. This is because sometimes she's had number two stuck to her and no longer trust that she's clean. It took so much for me to just do that and sit without a blanket and now I'm just so done. I'm also scared to walk anywhere in my house. We sometimes get slugs in our conservatory and I don't walk in there anymore because there can be slug slime trails (it's carpet). The thing is, my mum regularly goes in there, my dad too. And then they proceed to walk around the rest of the house without changing shoes or anything. I'm just panicking because I was having a good day and now I feel like I'm isolated to my bedroom.

Contamination OCD

BiancaIsGrowing

Date posted: 11w

Having a hard time

I have to be alone with my children tomorrow and I'm scared. Harm OCD has me panicking and ruminating. I don't want to hurt my babies they mean everything to me. I keep fighting for them, I got a better job for them and I want to create a better life for them. I'm so afraid that I might hurt them so I need to be away from them but I also don't want to be away from them. The thoughts and images are so much. I'd rather die before I hurt them. Accepting the uncertainty of possibly hurting them is not something I can accept or live with. And it doesn't help having existential ocd because that says none of it matters anyway. I just want to be the old me, I hate this disorder I hate this disease I hate me for having these thoughts. I'm sorry for ranting. I just need to get it out. I hate this worry disorder!

Tireddd

Date posted: 11w

I harmed myself

I had the biggest emotional breakdown of my life. I don't even understand why, but because of something that bothered me the slightest bit, i started yelling SOO loudly and bad at my parents: "YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME!" I threw some things, i even ran, tried to leave the house, and i ran to my room, i hit my head and i got a bump and some really bad scratches. Afterwards i felt super guilty, i feel horrible for having made my parents feel this way, and how was it possible that I hurt myself like this? I don't understand why i reacted that way, it's so, soo bad. They hugged me and we cried for a while, but i don't understand, am i crazy?

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