- Date posted
- 5y
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- 5y
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- 5y
A sex therapist sounds like it could really be helpful!!
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- 5y
Ive been to one and they can only help so much. They dont specialize in OCD and dont really understand the condition. Eventually she referred me out to and ocd specialist. I had the same issues as u. Performance anxiety, inadequacy, not feeling like "a man" etc
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- 5y
@js94. did u find the OCD specialist could help in that area? it's so confusing to me. she tells me I'm too much in my head and its logical that sexual problems happen when u aren't present in the moment and able to let go, yet ERP is about exposing yourself to your anxieties. it doesnt make sense to me.
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- 5y
she wants me to constantly think of sexual dysfunction and ED. how am I supposed to get in the mood to feel good about sex if I'm constantly focused on dysfunction
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- 5y
I just resign myself to avoiding sex. it's a compulsion in itself
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- 5y
Yes u two will work on it together as in any other ERP, exposing urself to the fears and anxieties. We have too much in our heads its difficult to enjoy the present.
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- 5y
I'm on session 8 with this OCD therapist and I am doubting if shes a good fit for me.
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- 5y
Why do u think that?
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- 5y
I guess because I get conflicting messages from her like "you're too much in your head and its causing sex dysfunction" but then shes telling me to not avoid thinking about sex dysfunction and to let those thoughts happen. my libido is already low - that kills any desire to try and have sex
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- 5y
Well you are in your head... the performance fears are the obsession. And the compulsion is avoidance so ERP is to entertain the fear while not doing the compulsion. You don’t like that because you are getting anxiety and you’re used to doing your compulsion (avoiding it). Happens to me to
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- 5y
@alex1 My therapist says try to think about the core fear during ERP. While doing that, think about all the different things that go through your head. Don’t push anything away. If you feel tension in your body, try and let it loosen but don’t stop thinking about what’s giving you anxiety. Only move on when you’re bored of thinking about it or your mind wanders
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- 5y
I saw on Psychology Today that Bethann Detwiler does OCD treatment and sex therapy. I’ve never been to her but my therapist is in the same practice as her.
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- 5y
Where is she located
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- 5y
Her Main Office is inside Spring Run Presbyterian Church (6601 Woodlake Village Parkway | Midlothian, Virginia, 23112).Her Satellite Office is located at Sycamore Presbyterian Church (510 Coalfield Rd | Midlothian, Virginia, 23114). The counselor’s usually meet in the church but they are not a part of the church. Due to the virus, she’s doing video chat counseling sessions. If you email her, she shoud explain how. Here’s the link to her contact info http://www.wellspringrva.com/contact
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- 5y
@alex1. so what's troubling is if ERP is to not do compulsion when experiencing obsession, it would mean not avoiding sex, but sex is barely possible because of my ED, so I'm supposed to put myself in a disappointing and humiliating situation and not feel bad about myself? I carry that around with me all day. depressing
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- 5y
You may just be going to far up the hierarchy too quick. If sex (and losing an erection) gets you to a 10 on your hierarchy, then maybe you need to find an exposure that doesn’t induce so much anxiety. Your goal is to get to a 4-6 in your exposure. Identify what your core fear is (sounds like shame/humiliation, but maybe something else is your fear?). During your exposure focus on that fear
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- 5y
Also, does your partner know about these struggles? If not, it may be worth sharing these feeling with them. It may take stress off you. That’s a decision you need to think about before doing it, but if they’re understanding and empathetic, I don’t see how it is a bad idea
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- 5y
I can clearly see how ERP can work for othgger types of OCD, but for this problem it seems to worsen it. I've visited a sex therapist before and they wanted me to not focus on the ED.
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- 5y
I'm done with ERP therapy. another failed sexual attempt because I have no sex drive because I'm supposed to think of ED all day.
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- 5y
hi alex1. I have my next appointment tomorrow with her. I'll explain the situation. my partner understands and tries to help but doesnt really understand. shes understanding. I have an appointment with psychiatrist next week when we discuss meds. I'll tell him. my sex drive sucks and that's a known killer.
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- 5y
I'm not sure shes as experienced as I thought. she never went over a hierarchy. we just went right to impotence and she said sit with the anxiety
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- 5y
I’m sorry to hear you did not have a good experience. Did she specialize in ERP? I know how exhausting it is, add on top of that having a therapist that doesn’t understand you. If you try therapy again, ask the therapist if they specialize in ERP therapy. Also, it may help you, your partner and your relationship to have her sit in on a therapy session to understand how your brain works. I know when I did that, it helped my partner understand much better than me explaining. The therapist is a better explainer than me! But your partner would have to be ok with that, I’m sure some people would get freaked out by it or find it overwhelming. I wish you the best of luck!
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- 5y
thanks. I'll consider having her sit in a session. the therapist said shes experienced. its exhausting to figure out what the real problem is. is it meds? is it bad ERP? is it psychological? os it my age (50)? is it I've been in this relationship for 28 years? honestly I'm not really freaked out by giving up sex. I'm so uninterested. my wife thinks it's the luvox I started - on month two. I'm on other meds too so I'm not sure if that's the real culprit
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I’m struggling with something I’m afraid to even admit out loud. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone I love deeply. He’s kind, safe, and emotionally close to me — and we’ve built a life together. But I keep obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction anymore. Or maybe… I never truly did? At the beginning, I felt butterflies, excitement, connection — and I assumed that meant I was also attracted to him physically. But now, after reading so much and reflecting more deeply, I’m starting to wonder if I ever truly felt sexual desire in the way I was “supposed to.” Maybe my feelings were more about emotional longing, comfort, and romantic closeness — but not sexual chemistry. And now I don’t know what that means. OCD makes it so much worse. It constantly tells me: – “If you really loved him, you’d want him.” – “You’re leading him on.” – “What if you’re lying to yourself?” – “If you try to fix this and fail, you’ll have to leave.” I feel stuck between wanting to fight for this relationship — and being terrified that trying will just prove it’s hopeless. Has anyone experienced something like this? Can OCD really make you question something so deeply personal? And how do you move forward when even trying feels terrifying? Any thoughts or support would mean the world right now.
- Date posted
- 6w
* Mentions of Sexual OCD, Hypersexuality, among other things. Recently, I had started to feel so much better, after trying to do some ERP therapy at home, i could feel myself becoming much more capable of holding back intrusive thoughts. Well since yesterday.. or, i dont know when, its been absolutely destroyed. About a month ago, I went out with some friends to the mall. everything was great, until while at the arcade, me and one of my friends tried pranking the other two by running off without them noticing. Well it backfired, one of the others went with him, and i was left with someone who i’ll just call J for the sake of simplicity. To cut it short, we had already pranked J earlier, so I stayed back to tell him about what we were trying to do, and things got weird. He started telling me to ‘go to the bathroom’ with him. I’ll admit that i didnt know what to say, i just felt off, but i wasnt going to do any of that. But i didnt say no. Long story short, i had to use the bathroom, so i left the arcade and went to another and luckily my friend distracted J so he wouldnt follow me in. I’d like to also add now that I have someone that i love dearly, me and him arent really together yet, but its a mutual thing. After that i cried when i returned home. and eventually i moved on, blocked the guy and everything. Now, i don’t know why, or how, but i cant stop having images in my head of what would’ve happened if i did do it. If i did go to the bathroom. And at the same time it shows me images of things happening in my own house, i see it in the shower, while on my couch, even while eating. And it doesnt stop at the sexual stuff, No. It shows me romantic versions of all this; hugging, kissing, holding hands, and in the background it mostly shows sexual scenes. All while giving me groinal responses and weird sensations that are akin to attraction of some kind. Im losing my mind trying to get it to stop. Its eating me alive, and its gotten to the point where i feel like im cheating on my partner. And my mind keeps tellint me that i actually dont love my partner, that I should’ve just gone along with what J was saying, and its making me feel like i dont really love my partner. That i should just unblock and text J. Its making me feel like ive fallen out of love and i dont know why, what if i did fall out of love? what if i end up doing something wrong, or making the wrong choice? Im scared of not loving my partner. I love my partner too much to lose him to this bullcrap. Has anyone else dealt with this? I feel lost and I dont know what to do. I cant even think about my own partner, not even about me hugging him, it gets replaced with J, everytime i try to think about anything it gets replaced in some way with something related to J. Even if i see a show, and i see someone that reminds me of J i instantly start getting intrusive thoughts and images. I feel so horrible, i feel like I’ve failed my relationship somehow. I dont know what to do.
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- 5w
Hi! I’m trying to say this story as short as possible. I started realizing I was having an ocd flare up a long time ago and I chose private psychotherapy because I thought it would be better. I had a bunch of other issues and I wanted one quick (I had tried 2 before) and when I met someone that I felt was kind of okay I trusted them with my ocd. The thing was that she was NOT specialized in ocd, in fact, looking back I realize that she barely knew how to handle it at all. I had a really good one when I was younger and I was not having symptoms when I quit years ago, so it surprised me a LOT that all I had learned got unlearned because I trusted a bad psychologist. I have currently Rocd and a bit of compulsive staring as well, plus tricomania. I really really want to warn you, DON’T LET A NON OCD SPECIALIST GIVE YOU ADVICE OR ERP!!!!! It has taken me a while to realize all the damage she did. But I was so desperate for a solution at the time that I ignored the signs. She had no idea what she was doing and she actually asked me what we should do! She also made my staring worse, because she told me to try to not look (which is actually wrong), she also asked me if I was really in love with my partner, EVEN THOUGH I HAD NO DOUBTS AT THE TIME!!! She thought that I actually wanted sex with someone else and was like yeah it’s normal some people do that, instead of understanding my feelings and that I actually didn’t want to, but it was an intrusive thought. (It was very different from the classic: you know what maybe maybe not erp thing) She misunderstood everything and I now have to rewire my brain.
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