- Username
- Qbert
- Date posted
- 4y ago
.
A sex therapist sounds like it could really be helpful!!
Ive been to one and they can only help so much. They dont specialize in OCD and dont really understand the condition. Eventually she referred me out to and ocd specialist. I had the same issues as u. Performance anxiety, inadequacy, not feeling like "a man" etc
@js94. did u find the OCD specialist could help in that area? it's so confusing to me. she tells me I'm too much in my head and its logical that sexual problems happen when u aren't present in the moment and able to let go, yet ERP is about exposing yourself to your anxieties. it doesnt make sense to me.
she wants me to constantly think of sexual dysfunction and ED. how am I supposed to get in the mood to feel good about sex if I'm constantly focused on dysfunction
I just resign myself to avoiding sex. it's a compulsion in itself
Yes u two will work on it together as in any other ERP, exposing urself to the fears and anxieties. We have too much in our heads its difficult to enjoy the present.
I'm on session 8 with this OCD therapist and I am doubting if shes a good fit for me.
Why do u think that?
I guess because I get conflicting messages from her like "you're too much in your head and its causing sex dysfunction" but then shes telling me to not avoid thinking about sex dysfunction and to let those thoughts happen. my libido is already low - that kills any desire to try and have sex
Well you are in your head... the performance fears are the obsession. And the compulsion is avoidance so ERP is to entertain the fear while not doing the compulsion. You don’t like that because you are getting anxiety and you’re used to doing your compulsion (avoiding it). Happens to me to
@alex1 My therapist says try to think about the core fear during ERP. While doing that, think about all the different things that go through your head. Don’t push anything away. If you feel tension in your body, try and let it loosen but don’t stop thinking about what’s giving you anxiety. Only move on when you’re bored of thinking about it or your mind wanders
I saw on Psychology Today that Bethann Detwiler does OCD treatment and sex therapy. I’ve never been to her but my therapist is in the same practice as her.
Where is she located
Her Main Office is inside Spring Run Presbyterian Church (6601 Woodlake Village Parkway | Midlothian, Virginia, 23112).Her Satellite Office is located at Sycamore Presbyterian Church (510 Coalfield Rd | Midlothian, Virginia, 23114). The counselor’s usually meet in the church but they are not a part of the church. Due to the virus, she’s doing video chat counseling sessions. If you email her, she shoud explain how. Here’s the link to her contact info http://www.wellspringrva.com/contact
@alex1. so what's troubling is if ERP is to not do compulsion when experiencing obsession, it would mean not avoiding sex, but sex is barely possible because of my ED, so I'm supposed to put myself in a disappointing and humiliating situation and not feel bad about myself? I carry that around with me all day. depressing
You may just be going to far up the hierarchy too quick. If sex (and losing an erection) gets you to a 10 on your hierarchy, then maybe you need to find an exposure that doesn’t induce so much anxiety. Your goal is to get to a 4-6 in your exposure. Identify what your core fear is (sounds like shame/humiliation, but maybe something else is your fear?). During your exposure focus on that fear
Also, does your partner know about these struggles? If not, it may be worth sharing these feeling with them. It may take stress off you. That’s a decision you need to think about before doing it, but if they’re understanding and empathetic, I don’t see how it is a bad idea
I can clearly see how ERP can work for othgger types of OCD, but for this problem it seems to worsen it. I've visited a sex therapist before and they wanted me to not focus on the ED.
I'm done with ERP therapy. another failed sexual attempt because I have no sex drive because I'm supposed to think of ED all day.
hi alex1. I have my next appointment tomorrow with her. I'll explain the situation. my partner understands and tries to help but doesnt really understand. shes understanding. I have an appointment with psychiatrist next week when we discuss meds. I'll tell him. my sex drive sucks and that's a known killer.
I'm not sure shes as experienced as I thought. she never went over a hierarchy. we just went right to impotence and she said sit with the anxiety
I’m sorry to hear you did not have a good experience. Did she specialize in ERP? I know how exhausting it is, add on top of that having a therapist that doesn’t understand you. If you try therapy again, ask the therapist if they specialize in ERP therapy. Also, it may help you, your partner and your relationship to have her sit in on a therapy session to understand how your brain works. I know when I did that, it helped my partner understand much better than me explaining. The therapist is a better explainer than me! But your partner would have to be ok with that, I’m sure some people would get freaked out by it or find it overwhelming. I wish you the best of luck!
thanks. I'll consider having her sit in a session. the therapist said shes experienced. its exhausting to figure out what the real problem is. is it meds? is it bad ERP? is it psychological? os it my age (50)? is it I've been in this relationship for 28 years? honestly I'm not really freaked out by giving up sex. I'm so uninterested. my wife thinks it's the luvox I started - on month two. I'm on other meds too so I'm not sure if that's the real culprit
My OCD has massively spiked from last weekend to tonight. I usually can pinpoint why. Tiredness, not feeling well, stressed, dreaming (out of my control); these are all wonderful times for OCD to attack because you're already feeling crappy and less on guard, which makes it easier to flare up. However, I have zero clue why it's so bad currently. I'm not stressed, not tired, not not feeling well. And it's not a little flare where it's picking on just one thing. It's picking on the ENTIRE spectrum of sexuality: incest, beastiality, pedophilia, and homosexuality. It's horrible. I seriously want to cry and feel like I'm suffocating. I can't listen to music, go places, really do anything without it taking something and trying to twist it. Like driving in the car with my mom and maybe a more sexual song comes on on the radio: Oh you're listening to a sexual song with your mom. That's weird. That means something! You're into your mom! Cuddling my dogs and just feeling loved: Oh you're too close to your dogs. You're into them. You're sick. Oh you really like your trainer cause she's super nice and funny: You know a good deal of female trainers are gay right? You were wondering if she was gay or bi. Why were you wondering? Cause you're gay and you like her. Like seriously NONSTOP. I can't even watch tv and see a character that's gay or a celebrity who is gay and not start freaking out. I have absolutely nothing against the LGBTQ community. It's just I don't want it or like it for myself. But here I am freaking out. Then you have random physical arousal that goes with all that crap, and it just makes it all worse. There are seriously no therapists where I'm from who understand and properly treat OCD. It's all reassurance based. And then there's all these places I hear about that sound great and like they really get OCD. Think they offer online/on the phone therapy for my state? lol NO. Like how are you supposed to feel any better feeling like no one can help you? I know there are self guided therapy books. But I'm terrified. Petrified. I need a professional to help me get over that first hurdle. Can anyone relate?): Also, does anyone get triggered by seeing the posts on here? If there's even anything that slightly mentions sexuality on here that someone is having trouble with, my OCD latches onto that and turns it into a new attack for me. That's why I've always been hesitant to join OCD support groups. Because I KNOW my OCD will see someone's own OCD issues and latch onto them to further attack me. It SUCKS.
Hello I am looking to start ERP on here with a therapist. I am quite nervous about it incase it doesn't work, I've had BWRT Therapy, CBT privately for months and I'm still horrified and scared of these thoughts. I haven't been officially diagnosed either which leads me down a horrible thought path.. but every therapist I have seen has said I have got harm ocd/pure o. Any advice on starting ERP? Thank you
This is going to be a post that talks about sexual OCD, real events, and POCD. People 18 AND OLDER please. I actually have something that bothers me from time to time about OCD. The topic of that is avoidance. Masturbation is a problem for me. Everybody knows what it is, most of us have done it, yet we don't talk about it. Is it avoidance if I choose not to masturbate because of the guilt I feel after? Should I not do it because of the sexual intrusive thoughts that come up? Should I avoid it completely because I don't want to be addicted to it or be deemed a pervert? When I do it, pornography is not only not used, not needed, but not preferred. I don't know if avoiding it will help me or make me feel better about myself. On one hand I want to control my urges but on the other I feel like I'm restricting myself from what's being used as a harmless sexual release. This confuses me a lot. I find myself only doing it so the feelings of arousal, groinals, and urges go away completely but they come back. Is there a way for it to go away long term or should I get used to it?
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond