Qbert
- Date posted
- 5y
alex1alex1
- Date posted
- 5y
.
froggy123froggy123
- Date posted
- 5y
A sex therapist sounds like it could really be helpful!!
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y
Ive been to one and they can only help so much. They dont specialize in OCD and dont really understand the condition. Eventually she referred me out to and ocd specialist. I had the same issues as u. Performance anxiety, inadequacy, not feeling like "a man" etc
QbertQbert
- Date posted
- 5y
@js94. did u find the OCD specialist could help in that area? it's so confusing to me. she tells me I'm too much in my head and its logical that sexual problems happen when u aren't present in the moment and able to let go, yet ERP is about exposing yourself to your anxieties. it doesnt make sense to me.
QbertQbert
- Date posted
- 5y
she wants me to constantly think of sexual dysfunction and ED. how am I supposed to get in the mood to feel good about sex if I'm constantly focused on dysfunction
QbertQbert
- Date posted
- 5y
I just resign myself to avoiding sex. it's a compulsion in itself
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes u two will work on it together as in any other ERP, exposing urself to the fears and anxieties. We have too much in our heads its difficult to enjoy the present.
QbertQbert
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm on session 8 with this OCD therapist and I am doubting if shes a good fit for me.
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y
Why do u think that?
QbertQbert
- Date posted
- 5y
I guess because I get conflicting messages from her like "you're too much in your head and its causing sex dysfunction" but then shes telling me to not avoid thinking about sex dysfunction and to let those thoughts happen. my libido is already low - that kills any desire to try and have sex
alex1alex1
- Date posted
- 5y
Well you are in your head... the performance fears are the obsession. And the compulsion is avoidance so ERP is to entertain the fear while not doing the compulsion. You don’t like that because you are getting anxiety and you’re used to doing your compulsion (avoiding it). Happens to me to
alex1alex1
- Date posted
- 5y
@alex1 My therapist says try to think about the core fear during ERP. While doing that, think about all the different things that go through your head. Don’t push anything away. If you feel tension in your body, try and let it loosen but don’t stop thinking about what’s giving you anxiety. Only move on when you’re bored of thinking about it or your mind wanders
ElizabethElizabeth
- Date posted
- 5y
I saw on Psychology Today that Bethann Detwiler does OCD treatment and sex therapy. I’ve never been to her but my therapist is in the same practice as her.
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y
Where is she located
ElizabethElizabeth
- Date posted
- 5y
Her Main Office is inside Spring Run Presbyterian Church (6601 Woodlake Village Parkway | Midlothian, Virginia, 23112).Her Satellite Office is located at Sycamore Presbyterian Church (510 Coalfield Rd | Midlothian, Virginia, 23114). The counselor’s usually meet in the church but they are not a part of the church. Due to the virus, she’s doing video chat counseling sessions. If you email her, she shoud explain how. Here’s the link to her contact info http://www.wellspringrva.com/contact
QbertQbert
- Date posted
- 5y
@alex1. so what's troubling is if ERP is to not do compulsion when experiencing obsession, it would mean not avoiding sex, but sex is barely possible because of my ED, so I'm supposed to put myself in a disappointing and humiliating situation and not feel bad about myself? I carry that around with me all day. depressing
alex1alex1
- Date posted
- 5y
You may just be going to far up the hierarchy too quick. If sex (and losing an erection) gets you to a 10 on your hierarchy, then maybe you need to find an exposure that doesn’t induce so much anxiety. Your goal is to get to a 4-6 in your exposure. Identify what your core fear is (sounds like shame/humiliation, but maybe something else is your fear?). During your exposure focus on that fear
alex1alex1
- Date posted
- 5y
Also, does your partner know about these struggles? If not, it may be worth sharing these feeling with them. It may take stress off you. That’s a decision you need to think about before doing it, but if they’re understanding and empathetic, I don’t see how it is a bad idea
QbertQbert
- Date posted
- 5y
I can clearly see how ERP can work for othgger types of OCD, but for this problem it seems to worsen it. I've visited a sex therapist before and they wanted me to not focus on the ED.
QbertQbert
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm done with ERP therapy. another failed sexual attempt because I have no sex drive because I'm supposed to think of ED all day.
QbertQbert
- Date posted
- 5y
hi alex1. I have my next appointment tomorrow with her. I'll explain the situation. my partner understands and tries to help but doesnt really understand. shes understanding. I have an appointment with psychiatrist next week when we discuss meds. I'll tell him. my sex drive sucks and that's a known killer.
QbertQbert
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm not sure shes as experienced as I thought. she never went over a hierarchy. we just went right to impotence and she said sit with the anxiety
alex1alex1
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m sorry to hear you did not have a good experience. Did she specialize in ERP? I know how exhausting it is, add on top of that having a therapist that doesn’t understand you. If you try therapy again, ask the therapist if they specialize in ERP therapy. Also, it may help you, your partner and your relationship to have her sit in on a therapy session to understand how your brain works. I know when I did that, it helped my partner understand much better than me explaining. The therapist is a better explainer than me! But your partner would have to be ok with that, I’m sure some people would get freaked out by it or find it overwhelming. I wish you the best of luck!
QbertQbert
- Date posted
- 5y
thanks. I'll consider having her sit in a session. the therapist said shes experienced. its exhausting to figure out what the real problem is. is it meds? is it bad ERP? is it psychological? os it my age (50)? is it I've been in this relationship for 28 years? honestly I'm not really freaked out by giving up sex. I'm so uninterested. my wife thinks it's the luvox I started - on month two. I'm on other meds too so I'm not sure if that's the real culprit
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