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- 5y
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- 5y
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- 5y
A sex therapist sounds like it could really be helpful!!
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- 5y
Ive been to one and they can only help so much. They dont specialize in OCD and dont really understand the condition. Eventually she referred me out to and ocd specialist. I had the same issues as u. Performance anxiety, inadequacy, not feeling like "a man" etc
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- 5y
@js94. did u find the OCD specialist could help in that area? it's so confusing to me. she tells me I'm too much in my head and its logical that sexual problems happen when u aren't present in the moment and able to let go, yet ERP is about exposing yourself to your anxieties. it doesnt make sense to me.
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- 5y
she wants me to constantly think of sexual dysfunction and ED. how am I supposed to get in the mood to feel good about sex if I'm constantly focused on dysfunction
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- 5y
I just resign myself to avoiding sex. it's a compulsion in itself
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- 5y
Yes u two will work on it together as in any other ERP, exposing urself to the fears and anxieties. We have too much in our heads its difficult to enjoy the present.
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- 5y
I'm on session 8 with this OCD therapist and I am doubting if shes a good fit for me.
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- 5y
Why do u think that?
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- 5y
I guess because I get conflicting messages from her like "you're too much in your head and its causing sex dysfunction" but then shes telling me to not avoid thinking about sex dysfunction and to let those thoughts happen. my libido is already low - that kills any desire to try and have sex
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- 5y
Well you are in your head... the performance fears are the obsession. And the compulsion is avoidance so ERP is to entertain the fear while not doing the compulsion. You don’t like that because you are getting anxiety and you’re used to doing your compulsion (avoiding it). Happens to me to
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- 5y
@alex1 My therapist says try to think about the core fear during ERP. While doing that, think about all the different things that go through your head. Don’t push anything away. If you feel tension in your body, try and let it loosen but don’t stop thinking about what’s giving you anxiety. Only move on when you’re bored of thinking about it or your mind wanders
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- 5y
I saw on Psychology Today that Bethann Detwiler does OCD treatment and sex therapy. I’ve never been to her but my therapist is in the same practice as her.
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- 5y
Where is she located
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- 5y
Her Main Office is inside Spring Run Presbyterian Church (6601 Woodlake Village Parkway | Midlothian, Virginia, 23112).Her Satellite Office is located at Sycamore Presbyterian Church (510 Coalfield Rd | Midlothian, Virginia, 23114). The counselor’s usually meet in the church but they are not a part of the church. Due to the virus, she’s doing video chat counseling sessions. If you email her, she shoud explain how. Here’s the link to her contact info http://www.wellspringrva.com/contact
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- 5y
@alex1. so what's troubling is if ERP is to not do compulsion when experiencing obsession, it would mean not avoiding sex, but sex is barely possible because of my ED, so I'm supposed to put myself in a disappointing and humiliating situation and not feel bad about myself? I carry that around with me all day. depressing
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- 5y
You may just be going to far up the hierarchy too quick. If sex (and losing an erection) gets you to a 10 on your hierarchy, then maybe you need to find an exposure that doesn’t induce so much anxiety. Your goal is to get to a 4-6 in your exposure. Identify what your core fear is (sounds like shame/humiliation, but maybe something else is your fear?). During your exposure focus on that fear
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- 5y
Also, does your partner know about these struggles? If not, it may be worth sharing these feeling with them. It may take stress off you. That’s a decision you need to think about before doing it, but if they’re understanding and empathetic, I don’t see how it is a bad idea
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- 5y
I can clearly see how ERP can work for othgger types of OCD, but for this problem it seems to worsen it. I've visited a sex therapist before and they wanted me to not focus on the ED.
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- 5y
I'm done with ERP therapy. another failed sexual attempt because I have no sex drive because I'm supposed to think of ED all day.
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- 5y
hi alex1. I have my next appointment tomorrow with her. I'll explain the situation. my partner understands and tries to help but doesnt really understand. shes understanding. I have an appointment with psychiatrist next week when we discuss meds. I'll tell him. my sex drive sucks and that's a known killer.
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- 5y
I'm not sure shes as experienced as I thought. she never went over a hierarchy. we just went right to impotence and she said sit with the anxiety
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- 5y
I’m sorry to hear you did not have a good experience. Did she specialize in ERP? I know how exhausting it is, add on top of that having a therapist that doesn’t understand you. If you try therapy again, ask the therapist if they specialize in ERP therapy. Also, it may help you, your partner and your relationship to have her sit in on a therapy session to understand how your brain works. I know when I did that, it helped my partner understand much better than me explaining. The therapist is a better explainer than me! But your partner would have to be ok with that, I’m sure some people would get freaked out by it or find it overwhelming. I wish you the best of luck!
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- 5y
thanks. I'll consider having her sit in a session. the therapist said shes experienced. its exhausting to figure out what the real problem is. is it meds? is it bad ERP? is it psychological? os it my age (50)? is it I've been in this relationship for 28 years? honestly I'm not really freaked out by giving up sex. I'm so uninterested. my wife thinks it's the luvox I started - on month two. I'm on other meds too so I'm not sure if that's the real culprit
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Sometimes I think " do I like kids?" "Would i get aroused if I saw content with kids?""What if I'm a pedo and cant accept it?" "What if I'm ok with these thoughts?" "What if I'm not distressed enough " "What if I enjoy these thoughts?" , i avoid kids as much as i can, i cant look at them bc I'm scared I'm gonna have some groin like response. I keep testing if I'd get turned on or if I'd have some groinal response to sexual scenarios with kids. Sometimes I think that if I took my life this would be over and i wouldn't have to think about this and i wish i doubted something else instead of things like this. I had similar situations just with different topics such as if i loved or found sexually appealing a guy while in a relationship and i kept asking myself those questions for months and i avoided going to school for weeks and when I went I'd cry and have anxiety attacks. I had it with past actions i obessed over and felt the need to exploit every detail and be honest because otherwise i was being a fraud. I had it for sexual things that happened when i was a child. Im not diagnosed with ocd but should i tell this to my local counselor? Can someone help? Give me advice or tell me anything?
- Date posted
- 19w
I have had ocd for decades! Could I still be cured???? (Of you can call it that?) I have seen different therapists but it never had fully left me...not by any stretch of the imagination. I do want to be free of this ocd and its power over me and all the bad that it brought into my life!!! Some days I am strong and feel like I am fighting it put other days...many days...I don't get things done or if I do I take a long time to-do the things I need to get done. I feel like I know this is just then ocd stopping me and that these are just thoughts but nobody in my family understands and though they have shared my journey and hated it a I do.....it just feels like I want so bad to be the best person I coukd be but I avoid places, people, things, that have any reminder of my ocd.......and so it restricts me from getting better and completing tasks the way I used to. Now UI might go and make 2-3 trips cuz I am worried to shop at a place and therefore it takes my time up. The avoidance I do is bad! When I actually don't listen to my ocd and don't avoid something...I feel great! ,However, it happens so rarely!!! I.dont know how finding a therapist through NOCD will help me. It is not in person and two be honest I almost think I need medicine to push me along. I don't have anybsteady and consistent improvements. However, I don't think I want to be on medication for the rest of my life! I am very confused!
- Date posted
- 15w
Hello! What a journey this ocd thing is! After 17 years with one therapist, I knew I was no longer making progress, so I changed to a new therapist. After just 6 months with her, she suggested I might have ocd and to look into getting diagnosed. She was right and I was diagnosed with ocd last summer. Meds are making a big difference but I still have lots of unlearning and re-learning to do. I’ve been struggling with whether or not to switch to a therapist who specializes in ocd. I have no issues with my current therapist, but she doesn’t specialize in ocd and I sometimes think I need someone who does specialize in it. But of course, I have Pure O, so I can think myself in circles til the cows come home. Can anyone share experience about switching to a therapist who specializes in ocd?
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