- Username
- Qbert
- Date posted
- 4y ago
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A sex therapist sounds like it could really be helpful!!
Ive been to one and they can only help so much. They dont specialize in OCD and dont really understand the condition. Eventually she referred me out to and ocd specialist. I had the same issues as u. Performance anxiety, inadequacy, not feeling like "a man" etc
@js94. did u find the OCD specialist could help in that area? it's so confusing to me. she tells me I'm too much in my head and its logical that sexual problems happen when u aren't present in the moment and able to let go, yet ERP is about exposing yourself to your anxieties. it doesnt make sense to me.
she wants me to constantly think of sexual dysfunction and ED. how am I supposed to get in the mood to feel good about sex if I'm constantly focused on dysfunction
I just resign myself to avoiding sex. it's a compulsion in itself
Yes u two will work on it together as in any other ERP, exposing urself to the fears and anxieties. We have too much in our heads its difficult to enjoy the present.
I'm on session 8 with this OCD therapist and I am doubting if shes a good fit for me.
Why do u think that?
I guess because I get conflicting messages from her like "you're too much in your head and its causing sex dysfunction" but then shes telling me to not avoid thinking about sex dysfunction and to let those thoughts happen. my libido is already low - that kills any desire to try and have sex
Well you are in your head... the performance fears are the obsession. And the compulsion is avoidance so ERP is to entertain the fear while not doing the compulsion. You don’t like that because you are getting anxiety and you’re used to doing your compulsion (avoiding it). Happens to me to
@alex1 My therapist says try to think about the core fear during ERP. While doing that, think about all the different things that go through your head. Don’t push anything away. If you feel tension in your body, try and let it loosen but don’t stop thinking about what’s giving you anxiety. Only move on when you’re bored of thinking about it or your mind wanders
I saw on Psychology Today that Bethann Detwiler does OCD treatment and sex therapy. I’ve never been to her but my therapist is in the same practice as her.
Where is she located
Her Main Office is inside Spring Run Presbyterian Church (6601 Woodlake Village Parkway | Midlothian, Virginia, 23112).Her Satellite Office is located at Sycamore Presbyterian Church (510 Coalfield Rd | Midlothian, Virginia, 23114). The counselor’s usually meet in the church but they are not a part of the church. Due to the virus, she’s doing video chat counseling sessions. If you email her, she shoud explain how. Here’s the link to her contact info http://www.wellspringrva.com/contact
@alex1. so what's troubling is if ERP is to not do compulsion when experiencing obsession, it would mean not avoiding sex, but sex is barely possible because of my ED, so I'm supposed to put myself in a disappointing and humiliating situation and not feel bad about myself? I carry that around with me all day. depressing
You may just be going to far up the hierarchy too quick. If sex (and losing an erection) gets you to a 10 on your hierarchy, then maybe you need to find an exposure that doesn’t induce so much anxiety. Your goal is to get to a 4-6 in your exposure. Identify what your core fear is (sounds like shame/humiliation, but maybe something else is your fear?). During your exposure focus on that fear
Also, does your partner know about these struggles? If not, it may be worth sharing these feeling with them. It may take stress off you. That’s a decision you need to think about before doing it, but if they’re understanding and empathetic, I don’t see how it is a bad idea
I can clearly see how ERP can work for othgger types of OCD, but for this problem it seems to worsen it. I've visited a sex therapist before and they wanted me to not focus on the ED.
I'm done with ERP therapy. another failed sexual attempt because I have no sex drive because I'm supposed to think of ED all day.
hi alex1. I have my next appointment tomorrow with her. I'll explain the situation. my partner understands and tries to help but doesnt really understand. shes understanding. I have an appointment with psychiatrist next week when we discuss meds. I'll tell him. my sex drive sucks and that's a known killer.
I'm not sure shes as experienced as I thought. she never went over a hierarchy. we just went right to impotence and she said sit with the anxiety
I’m sorry to hear you did not have a good experience. Did she specialize in ERP? I know how exhausting it is, add on top of that having a therapist that doesn’t understand you. If you try therapy again, ask the therapist if they specialize in ERP therapy. Also, it may help you, your partner and your relationship to have her sit in on a therapy session to understand how your brain works. I know when I did that, it helped my partner understand much better than me explaining. The therapist is a better explainer than me! But your partner would have to be ok with that, I’m sure some people would get freaked out by it or find it overwhelming. I wish you the best of luck!
thanks. I'll consider having her sit in a session. the therapist said shes experienced. its exhausting to figure out what the real problem is. is it meds? is it bad ERP? is it psychological? os it my age (50)? is it I've been in this relationship for 28 years? honestly I'm not really freaked out by giving up sex. I'm so uninterested. my wife thinks it's the luvox I started - on month two. I'm on other meds too so I'm not sure if that's the real culprit
Hi All, I (22F) have been suffering from HOCD for the past three months. I am engaged to the man I want to be with. However, I can't kick OCD. I was recently aroused when looking at a model in lingerie. The lingerie was objectively sexy and I briefly thought about how she was posing for a man with her breasts out. Likewise, I thought about how sexy it would be if I wore that. But, now I'm terrified. If I can get these responses from the female body-not the male body-that must surely mean something. Likewise, I have trouble orgasming during sex and I don't always love making out. But, I really don't think I'm a lesbian? Long story short, I need help getting over this. I'm in college and I can barely study. All I do is worry. I can't even enjoy my engagement at this rate because I'm convinced I'm in denial. This sexual arousal gives me incredible amounts of anxiety, especially considering I have been turned on by stuff like this in the past. If anyone has any helpful words, please let me know. I am not seeking reassurance, but I felt this backstory was necessary to explain why this fear has been so potent. There may be some real attraction here, which terrifies me. I don't know what to do. I want to enjoy life and improve sex with my fiance but I'm feeling hopeless. If anyone has any words of advice, it would be deeply appreciated.
Hello I am looking to start ERP on here with a therapist. I am quite nervous about it incase it doesn't work, I've had BWRT Therapy, CBT privately for months and I'm still horrified and scared of these thoughts. I haven't been officially diagnosed either which leads me down a horrible thought path.. but every therapist I have seen has said I have got harm ocd/pure o. Any advice on starting ERP? Thank you
WALL OF TEXT INCOMING (sorry)! Hello, I hope everyone is doing well and are managing their OCD symptoms well. I have a question concerning SO-OCD and ROCD. A little background first: I developed SO-OCD (have been to therapy here at NOCD and therapist says I meet criteria for OCD and SAD so far) I can't really pinpoint when exactly this developed, but it seemed to have happened when I got depressed, lost interest in sex, then convinced myself that I lost interest in sex because I must be gay despite the rational part of my brain knowing that I haven't desired to be with the same-sex before. It spiraled into heavy rumination, obsessive thoughts and then avoidance. My long-term relationship ended (got cheated on) and that sent me down even further. I've always had low self-esteem, but this killed any semblance I had left. I couldn't sleep, had persistent anxiety, and just felt like my brain exploded from the shock of it all. It's been around 2 years since this ramped up, and it has felt like absolute hell on earth. Lately, my SO-OCD seems to not be triggered so heavily (not getting as highly anxious of the thoughts, and have noticed the thoughts slowing down in overall frequency and have been able to dismiss them easier than before), but I think I have started taking a liking to a gal the past few months, but don't trust my sense of feelings anymore. Some examples: 1) I think I have felt butterflies? But not sure if it is or just anxiety. 2) I am terrified of getting intimate or sexual (fear of embarrassment, or perhaps my "member" not working when the time comes) despite thinking about getting intimate with this lady. 3) Doubting that I actually have feelings toward her (thinking that maybe I'm just trying to force the relationship because I don't want the OCD to be true). Has anyone dealt with this with similar themes? It feels like my SO-OCD has kind of merged with ROCD or transitioning from one to the other. I have a tendency now to expect arousal from every close interaction with a potential partner and if it doesn't happen (like if we give each other a hug after work) then I doubt my attraction despite having been aroused simply by touch previously. I know it sounds goofy, but I think about it every-single-time ("welp, i wasnt aroused that time. I must not be attracted to her!"). It's all a lot to handle when trying to navigate a potential relationship and fear I'll never overcome this intense anxiety to sex/intimacy. So I avoid getting too close or putting myself in situations where these things could occur. Thank you if you've made it this far. This was tough to put out there, but I'd love to hear others thoughts. Again, I hope all is well for everyone and stay strong out there.
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