My OCD that I am a bad person, a racist, a homophobe, etc. is ruining my life because literally EVERYTHING is a trigger. This has been a hard quarantine because I am unable to escape my thoughts.

My OCD has massively spiked from last weekend to tonight. I usually can pinpoint why. Tiredness, not feeling well, stressed, dreaming (out of my control); these are all wonderful times for OCD to attack because you're already feeling crappy and less on guard, which makes it easier to flare up. However, I have zero clue why it's so bad currently. I'm not stressed, not tired, not not feeling well. And it's not a little flare where it's picking on just one thing. It's picking on the ENTIRE spectrum of sexuality: incest, beastiality, pedophilia, and homosexuality. It's horrible. I seriously want to cry and feel like I'm suffocating. I can't listen to music, go places, really do anything without it taking something and trying to twist it. Like driving in the car with my mom and maybe a more sexual song comes on on the radio: Oh you're listening to a sexual song with your mom. That's weird. That means something! You're into your mom! Cuddling my dogs and just feeling loved: Oh you're too close to your dogs. You're into them. You're sick. Oh you really like your trainer cause she's super nice and funny: You know a good deal of female trainers are gay right? You were wondering if she was gay or bi. Why were you wondering? Cause you're gay and you like her. Like seriously NONSTOP. I can't even watch tv and see a character that's gay or a celebrity who is gay and not start freaking out. I have absolutely nothing against the LGBTQ community. It's just I don't want it or like it for myself. But here I am freaking out. Then you have random physical arousal that goes with all that crap, and it just makes it all worse. There are seriously no therapists where I'm from who understand and properly treat OCD. It's all reassurance based. And then there's all these places I hear about that sound great and like they really get OCD. Think they offer online/on the phone therapy for my state? lol NO. Like how are you supposed to feel any better feeling like no one can help you? I know there are self guided therapy books. But I'm terrified. Petrified. I need a professional to help me get over that first hurdle. Can anyone relate?): Also, does anyone get triggered by seeing the posts on here? If there's even anything that slightly mentions sexuality on here that someone is having trouble with, my OCD latches onto that and turns it into a new attack for me. That's why I've always been hesitant to join OCD support groups. Because I KNOW my OCD will see someone's own OCD issues and latch onto them to further attack me. It SUCKS.

Is there anyone with Racism themed OCD? I've been really struggling with this taboo theme & I'm finding it hard to function/find myself avoiding people out of fear of being perceived as racist. I constantly worry that I'm being perceived as racist. I'm white, I consider myself to be an ally of BIPOC and to work on being anti-racist. Lately though, I get hit with a ton of intrusive thoughts about coming across as racist when I speak to a BIPOC, which causes anxiety, which my anxiety probably then appears racist to the other person. I can't imagine what BIPOC have to endure on a daily basis just because of their skin color, so I'm not trying to make this about me. I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this or if other people struggle with this OCD theme. To be honest, it's pretty severe and it's attacking my core, because this "theme" feels opposite to what I value (being an ally, fighting to be anti-racist & dismantle racism) & who I am. I can tell that other people notice I'm anxious, and I just hate that I'm displaying nervousness because I'm sure it makes the other person uncomfortable. I know I'm coming off as anxious to other people. I know it because I'm trying so hard not to be perceived as racist, to get the interaction "right", that interactions just get weird, anxiety filled & awkward & I'm sure the other person is like wtf, this person is a racist. I don't know how to stop getting so lost in my head. I've tried to tell myself "Maybe I am a sick, racist human being, oh well", but that doesn't help because I don't agree with that statement.

Guys I'm really scared to talk about this but it's taken over my life at this point. Occasionally, I would get an intrusive thought that would be kind of racist and I'd be scared or I'll sit and think for like an hour of past situations where I may have been racist. It's terrifying because I talked to my mom about it and she laughed because she said I'm like the opposite of racist which I'd like to believe, but these thoughts are so triggering especially because I am also in a biracial relationship. I would never want to hurt him or make him feel lesser than me. I wanna show him off to the world but there's this put feeling in me like, what if you're only doing all this for him not to be perceived as racist? What if you don't actually believe in being with him and you're scared to show him off? Are you afraid what others think? And then I try to prove the thoughts wrong by disagreeing with them in my head and thinking about the past situation. I try not to compulse while with my bf because the last thing I want him believing is that these thoughts are real and are gonna make me treat him differently. Someone pls help like I can't keep thinking of the only person I love like this.