- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
these are just intrusive thoughts! You cannot control what just pops up into your mind and usually intrusive thoughts are to do with things that offend you and things that you’d never want to do and things that do not align with your values and beliefs. When you get these thoughts just stop take a deep breathe and then carry on with what you was going. The more time you give these thoughts the stronger and more frequent they will get but if you give them less time they will get weaker and less frequent! I hope things get easier :)
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks a lot of the reply. Felt better after reading your comment.
- Date posted
- 3y
how do you ignore them when they’re causing you so much distress
- Date posted
- 5y
I’ve never related more to a post in my life ? literally everything you said I deal with the same thing. It’s debilitating some days but you’re brave because I have not been brave enough to tell anyone about it besides online here. It’s so reassuring to hear that it’s normal and that I’m not alone in this. I’ve had periods of thought where I convince myself I’m crazy and I start to become suicidal just because I convince myself that if I’m not here then I can’t hurt anyone. I’ll start to convince myself that I secretely want to hurt people and I need to die so I don’t do it. It’s so so scary living with this condition.
- Date posted
- 3y
@awkwardturtle Same, how are you now?
- Date posted
- 2y
@awkwardturtle 100% feel the same way. It’s like word for word reading this post! It made me feel relieved when I read it even though I’ve been dealing with this for 6 months now and have had MANY ups and downs of where one week I’m fine and the next I’m not. But it honestly helps so much to hear that others are having these experiences which only validates that it is harm OCD or other subtypes. I know my therapist says that OCD is the doubt disorder so hearing people’s stories helps “debunk” any doubts that something worse is wrong with us. At least for me. Thank you both for being vulnerable and sharing your experiences. It really does help others like myself.
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi, I read your story and I just want you to know that you are not alone. Although I’m dealing with more of just Self-Harm OCD (Which is the same experience you’ve described except they’re about hurting myself), I know many individuals struggling with Harm OCD and their stories are very similar to yours if not the same. It’s good that you have this app because you’ll start to better understand yourself and how these thoughts are unwanted and mean nothing. Make sure to start therapy if possible and make sure your therapist is specialized in OCD so that you may start doing ERP and get on meds if needed. I’m here if you want to talk!
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey! Can we talk?
- Date posted
- 5y
I have this same thing. Everything you described. I’m so sorry I know how awful and debilitating it is ... if you’d like to talk I’m here!
- Date posted
- 5y
Honestly that is so nice to hear as weird as that sounds that I’m not the only one dealing with these thoughts! Honestly the random “I wanna hurt her” or “I wanna kill her” thoughts scared the living day lights out of me. We will get through it!
- Date posted
- 5y
@Zoë We will. I get that too. I’ve had it on and off for years!!!! Feel free to reach out :)
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you so much for replying. I feel a bit more at ease now I know I’m not the only one getting these thoughts. I’ll be here for you too if you need to talk !
- Date posted
- 5y
I have harm ocd too. I’ve felt some of your fears you’ve shared too in my ways also dealing with my ocd
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi All, I have been having these intrusive thoughts for like a week now and I don’t know how they’ve started and why but it started all of a sudden and this random thought pops up in my mind to hurt someone especially my girlfriend. I’m like why the hell would you do that?!!! I live with my girlfriend and we’ve been together for 5 years now and will be getting married next year. I love her more than anything in the world and i would never ever hurt her. I just have no freaking clue why these random violent thoughts pop up!! I tell myself these are just stupid thoughts and don’t mean anything and tell myself i’m fine but it’s hard to stop thinking about thoughts. Although it’s good to know there are people who have these kinda thoughts too. I’m having a 15 minute call tomorrow so looking forward to it.
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi, I replied to your comment underneath. I hope u can see it
- Date posted
- 2y
@Vikaspratap I have this thought too it’s so fucked up! This thought “kill someone” pops into my head and it’s living hell. I am such a kind person and would never do such a thing. OCD is hell. It plays on your worst fears.
- Date posted
- 2y
You are not alone! My brain keeps telling me “kill yourself” or “kill someone” and it is like living hell because I would never ever act on these thoughts. They started as mental images like yours then turned into word type thoughts because I was scared of having them/that I was psychotic for having these thoughts pop into my head. I know it’s all anxiety but I just can’t get out of this loop of thinking I could go mad because of these thoughts
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Basically long story short, ive been dealing with anxiety for a very long time all my life I'm 23 now but about 5 months ago my anxiety started to get really and I overthink a ton and get worried to easily. So my chest hurt for a while from stress at work made me worry why it was hurting, then me worrying and thinking worse case scenarios was making it worse. So i and to go to the doctor and got diagnosed properly with anxiety and I have a med now that I take when I really need it called hydroxyzine but I also have another med that is Zoloft that I have been taking for a about a month now, to help with my intrusive thoughts I have sometimes i only get them when im stressed or when I'm by myself or when i just overthink in general, my loneliness depression is one of the reasons for my anxiety because I wish I had someone as in partner wise to love me and for me to love them. But anyways I've had intrusive thoughts about possibly hurting myself and family, or even my dog. Ive never acted on any of my thoughts in the past and I don't want to but I have had anxiety attacks when everything feels to real and really scares me. I constantly have the thought of am I crazy or am I becoming crazy and stuff and I've done a lot of looking stuff in the past about symptoms but most of them are identical to what anxiety is so it's hard to tell the difference. It's been probably 2 weeks since we last talked. I've been mostly doing good. But I just was wondering if had a little Harm OCD intrusive thought happen yesterday that targeted my Aunt at work she was complaining all day and when it got closer to the end of the shifts for us. I was already annoyed with a situation that happened earlier in the work day. But she came into my department and then went back over to hers and I said it out loud to myself and said you better get back over there or I'll, I tried to say something else because the word I was going to say was kill you. Obviously I don't but that's what my intrusive thought wanted me to say. And made me think thats why i got to hurt her to stop her complaing So the rest of the night I was saying she is safe I am safe I'm control, like this is just anxiety lying to you, it's just because I'm tired and got annoyed earlier. I can't tell if it was working or not because I was so tired and just wanted to go home. But after work her and I spent time together at our house she was on the one couch and I was on the other with a bunch of our dogs in the living room. I tried to keep my mind off of what happened, and I was fighting some stomach achyness already. But I obviously don't want to hurt her and we had conversations just fine. But I went to my other aunt house at night after work to go to bed because she has to watch my aunts dogs because my other aunt and family is on vacation. But anyways I'm trying to get over that word Kill, that word is what is scarring me and sticking. Like my anxiety is lying saying kill, or basically do harm. I don't want to do anything bad but I'm trying to shake that feeling and stickiness of that word. I'm just so scared and worried.
- Date posted
- 19w
So I know I've talked about my fear of being hacked/watched without my knowledge and at the same time that same fear has also made me scared that i've said incriminating things or confessed to a crime I didn't commit out loud without realizing and that this person (who probably doesn't even exist) is going to use it against me in the future and ruin my life. To the point where I've covered all my device cameras. Yeah, I know. Incredibly outlandish. Anyways. The past few months it's just been my brain convincing me that my life is over or that it's going to end and not just end, but like I'm going to lose everyone that I love because of said "incriminating things" though I know I haven't done anything wrong. Of course, there's a part of me that realises that this is really unlikely because I'm not that important of a person for someone to lie in wait for decades and decide to ruin my life just because though I don't doubt that there are people like that out there (i really hope they're few and far between). However, there's another part of me that also really believes that this is all true. And sometimes I wonder if I'm going insane. Coupled with what I believe are false memories, the anxiety has been taxing every day. And I find it hard to sit with uncertainty because this worst case scenario terrifies me. I'm scared of being unloved and abandoned and also deathly afraid of being perceived as a bad person. And of course, also scared of being a bad person and my brain is convinced that I must be. Anyways. Who knows. Maybe. Maybe not. I wanted to share because I know that OCD or I guess any kind of mental illness (whatever it is I'm suffering from if it isn't OCD) likes to convince us that our fears are too niche and that this worry wouldn't be present if it wasn't real. OCD likes to use that as proof. I've learnt though that there are many people like me on this app, and even though it's still scary, it makes me feel less alone. It can be very tiring and honestly sometimes I ask myself how I'm still here even though it's been a few months and some people on here have experienced episodes like this for years or even decades. I keep hoping I'll wake up one day and it will be like this never happened. If you've taken the time to read this incredibly long waffle session of mine that's more like a drawn-pit diary entry, thank you. And if you feel comfortable with sharing, please do :)
- False Memory OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Harm OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- POCD
- Real Events OCD
- NOCD Therapy Alumni
- Older adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 10w
I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again" Love you!!!
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