- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 4y ago
these are just intrusive thoughts! You cannot control what just pops up into your mind and usually intrusive thoughts are to do with things that offend you and things that you’d never want to do and things that do not align with your values and beliefs. When you get these thoughts just stop take a deep breathe and then carry on with what you was going. The more time you give these thoughts the stronger and more frequent they will get but if you give them less time they will get weaker and less frequent! I hope things get easier :)
Thanks a lot of the reply. Felt better after reading your comment.
how do you ignore them when they’re causing you so much distress
I’ve never related more to a post in my life ? literally everything you said I deal with the same thing. It’s debilitating some days but you’re brave because I have not been brave enough to tell anyone about it besides online here. It’s so reassuring to hear that it’s normal and that I’m not alone in this. I’ve had periods of thought where I convince myself I’m crazy and I start to become suicidal just because I convince myself that if I’m not here then I can’t hurt anyone. I’ll start to convince myself that I secretely want to hurt people and I need to die so I don’t do it. It’s so so scary living with this condition.
@awkwardturtle Same, how are you now?
@awkwardturtle 100% feel the same way. It’s like word for word reading this post! It made me feel relieved when I read it even though I’ve been dealing with this for 6 months now and have had MANY ups and downs of where one week I’m fine and the next I’m not. But it honestly helps so much to hear that others are having these experiences which only validates that it is harm OCD or other subtypes. I know my therapist says that OCD is the doubt disorder so hearing people’s stories helps “debunk” any doubts that something worse is wrong with us. At least for me. Thank you both for being vulnerable and sharing your experiences. It really does help others like myself.
Hi, I read your story and I just want you to know that you are not alone. Although I’m dealing with more of just Self-Harm OCD (Which is the same experience you’ve described except they’re about hurting myself), I know many individuals struggling with Harm OCD and their stories are very similar to yours if not the same. It’s good that you have this app because you’ll start to better understand yourself and how these thoughts are unwanted and mean nothing. Make sure to start therapy if possible and make sure your therapist is specialized in OCD so that you may start doing ERP and get on meds if needed. I’m here if you want to talk!
Hey! Can we talk?
I have this same thing. Everything you described. I’m so sorry I know how awful and debilitating it is ... if you’d like to talk I’m here!
Honestly that is so nice to hear as weird as that sounds that I’m not the only one dealing with these thoughts! Honestly the random “I wanna hurt her” or “I wanna kill her” thoughts scared the living day lights out of me. We will get through it!
@Zoë We will. I get that too. I’ve had it on and off for years!!!! Feel free to reach out :)
Thank you so much for replying. I feel a bit more at ease now I know I’m not the only one getting these thoughts. I’ll be here for you too if you need to talk !
I have harm ocd too. I’ve felt some of your fears you’ve shared too in my ways also dealing with my ocd
Hi All, I have been having these intrusive thoughts for like a week now and I don’t know how they’ve started and why but it started all of a sudden and this random thought pops up in my mind to hurt someone especially my girlfriend. I’m like why the hell would you do that?!!! I live with my girlfriend and we’ve been together for 5 years now and will be getting married next year. I love her more than anything in the world and i would never ever hurt her. I just have no freaking clue why these random violent thoughts pop up!! I tell myself these are just stupid thoughts and don’t mean anything and tell myself i’m fine but it’s hard to stop thinking about thoughts. Although it’s good to know there are people who have these kinda thoughts too. I’m having a 15 minute call tomorrow so looking forward to it.
Hi, I replied to your comment underneath. I hope u can see it
@Vikaspratap I have this thought too it’s so fucked up! This thought “kill someone” pops into my head and it’s living hell. I am such a kind person and would never do such a thing. OCD is hell. It plays on your worst fears.
You are not alone! My brain keeps telling me “kill yourself” or “kill someone” and it is like living hell because I would never ever act on these thoughts. They started as mental images like yours then turned into word type thoughts because I was scared of having them/that I was psychotic for having these thoughts pop into my head. I know it’s all anxiety but I just can’t get out of this loop of thinking I could go mad because of these thoughts
I’ve never been the type of person to open up about myself but these last 3 months have been the hardest, worst time of my life. I’m 16 years old, and I’ve been anxious and had anxiety my whole life. Over the last couple years I’ve learned how to cope with my anxiety and be a happy person. But one night in January, i was watching random videos on YouTube, and a video about serial killers came on. I’ve always been interested in crime shows/documentaries, so I didn’t think twice before deciding to click on it. In the middle of the video I had this intrusive thought that said “why do people murder loved ones or innocent people” and “what does it feel like to kill somebody” I am not aggressive, or have ever caused harm, but these thoughts scared me to death. I felt a instant shock of anxiety and panic immediately. I thought something was wrong with me. I turned my phone off and went to bed hoping the next day I would forget about it. Unfortunately I never forgot about the thoughts, and still have intrusive thoughts that affect my day to day life. I feel so hopeless, even after seeing a therapist, and being on Prozac for 5 weeks I don’t feel a difference. Every time I try to be positive and tell myself “they’re just thoughts” ocd tells me, “yeah sure, but what if you did these things”? “What if you WANT to do these things”? I stress that I might actually want to do these horrible things secretly and am convinced that one day I will commit these crimes. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel so hopeless, and even being around my girlfriend who used to bring me so much joy, I still can’t be my regular self. Please I feel so hopeless and sad I can’t even do the things I used to enjoy, remembering I have these thoughts is with me 24/7 from the second I wake up to the second I fall asleep. Anybody have advice? Sorry for the rant I just needed to get this off my chest. I just want to be normal again and enjoy being around my family and my girlfriend again
UPDATED VERSION, MAYBE SAVE THIS TO RE READ. TRIGGER WARNING. This is a list of all the OCD'S I can think of. Please feel free to add to any in the comment section below. I don't go through each compulsion to get rid of the thoughts, but I go through most of the obsessions. I hope this one day helps at least one person, to know that they are not a weirdo. OCD is a recurring thought (obsession), that you try to prevent, or get rid of the anxiety about (compulsion), e.g, checking your mind to make sure you didn’t do a criminal act, or checking everyone is okay to make sure you didn’t kill, assault, offend, or hurt them, or checking they are okay with you so you know you didn’t cause them to doubt how lovely you deep down know you are, because of how strange you acted when certain things were brought up in conversation. Checking your body for any sexual feelings about intrusive thoughts you wish you didn’t have because you can’t get rid of them. All of these thoughts make you doubt who you are, you get urges to do things which you know you wouldn’t ever want to do because for one, it’s disgusting, and horrendous, and for two, it would fuck your life up. OCD latches onto anything that could fuck your life up. Making you doubt who you are and question how much prevention you need to take.Even the kindest, yes, one of the kindest OCD thoughts, like “If I don’t tap the candle someone in my family is going to die and it will be all my fault”, can make you question how much control you actually have. Pedophelia OCD - Worrying you are, will be, did something without knowing, convinced everyone/someone else is, or everyone thinks you are a pedophile, worrying everyone thinks you think they’re a pedophile. Can come with groinal response. Crime OCD- Worrying you will, have or want to, or someone else will or has, or wants to, worrying everyone else thinks you have, committed any type of crime, worrying everyone thinks you think they’ve done a crime, e.g. pedophelia, stealing, cannibalism, murder, fraud, an affair, vandalism, rape etc. Can come with groinal response. Animal OCD- worrying you will/have, want to, or worrying others will; have or wants to, worrying everyone thinks you have, killed, hurt or been sexual with an animal, worrying everyone thinks you think they’ve done something to an animal. Can come with groinal response. Groinal response OCD: This is a sexual response you get to an intrusive thought. You can get aroused from it, because you’re worried you will so you do, and also the fact that it is a sexual thought and your brain sometimes treats any sexual things as just that. This doesn’t mean anything about you as a person. You can get it any time your intrusive thought is triggered. Sexual feeling is different than desire. Harm OCD- Worried you will/have or want to or worried others will/have or want to, worrying others think you have, harmed someone else or yourself, worrying everyone thinks you think they’ve harmed someone. Suicide OCD- Worried you’ll kill yourself when you don’t want to, worried everyone thinks you want to kill yourself, worrying everyone thinks you think they want to kill themselves. Contamination OCD-Worried you will/have or want to, contaminate yourself or other people, worried others will/have or want to, contaminate themselves or other people, worried other people think you have contaminated yourself or other people, not just by things that could hold germs, but by things like poison, e.g worried you put bleach in foods unknowingly or have a false memory of it etc, worrying everyone thinks you think they’ve contaminated people. Paranoia OCD- Paranoid that cameras are watching you in your own home etc. Acting a certain way when you feel watched. Scared that aliens are coming to get you, worrying you're in a parallel universe and that everyone knows you've came from a parallel universe, but you. Feeling like you can't trust anyone. Fake OCD: Thinking you might not have OCD and you're just faking it. Hoarding OCD: Hoarding things in case you need it in the future, stuff can date back from donkey's years ago. Correct OCD: Feeling the need to make sure everything you say is correct. No mistakes. Also feeling the need to make sure what someone else says is correct. If someone swears on their life you tell them to take it back in case they aren't telling the truth because you don't want them to die. Religious OCD- Worrying you have/ will/ want to, do something against your religion, worrying others have/will/wants to, do something against their religion, worrying everyone thinks you’ve done something against your religion, worrying everyone thinks you think they’ve done something against their religion. Can come with groinal response. Possession OCD- Worried you will/have or want to, worried someone else will/has/wants to, get possessed, worried others think you’re possessed, worried others think you think they’re possessed. Can come with groinal response. Straight OCD- Worried you will/have or want to, worried others will/have or want to, turn straight, worried others think you’re straight,worrying everyone thinks you think they’re straight. Can come with groinal response. Trichotillomania OCD: Hair pulling OCD. Can involve counting the hairs you pull out. Feeling an intense compulsion to pull the hairs out and obsessively thinking about it. Eating disorder (I think it's an OCD): Believing if you eat certain foods you'll get fat, believing you're fat when you're not. Dieting to the extreme etc. Or believing you're too skinny when you're not, and eating excessively to gain weight. Appearance change OCD: Feeling the need to constantly change your appearance or be extremely focused on one imperfection etc. Thinking people will look at that one thing all the time etc. Homosexual OCD- Worried you will/have or want to, worried others will/have or want to, turn gay, worried others think you’re gay, worrying everyone thinks you think they’re gay. Can come with groinal response. Transgender OCD- Worried you will/have or want to, worried others will/have or want to, turn transgender, worried that others think you are transgender, worrying everyone thinks you think they’re transgender. Can come with groinal response. Inscest OCD: Worried you will/have/want to, worried others will/have/want to, do Inscest. Worried people think you've done Inscest, worried people think you think they've done Inscest. Can come with groinal response. Existential OCD- Worried you will/have/want/need to figure out the meaning of life, worried others will/have/want/need to figure out the meaning of life, worried people think you know the meaning of life, or you don’t know the meaning of life enough, worrying everyone thinks you think they know the meaning of life. Health OCD- Worried you have many different illnesses, worried other people have many different illnesses, worried you or they will get many different illnesses, worried they think you have many different illnesses, worrying everyone thinks you think they have many different illnesses. Social anxiety (I think it is OCD)- Worried you will go red, shake, faint, panic, etc, worried others will go red, shake, faint, panic, etc, worried that you or others will do anything inappropriate in a social setting, worried others think you’ve done something inappropriate in a social setting, worrying everyone thinks you think they’ve done something inappropriate in a social setting. Relationship OCD- Worried you or your partner will stop loving each other, worried you or your partner have stopped loving each other, worried your partner thinks you don’t love them anymore, worrying everyone thinks you think they don’t love you anymore. Can come with groinal response about someone else. Checking OCD- Worried you or other people, left,turned on,or endangered yourself and/or other people in some way, with machinery that are rarely but potentially hazardous, worried other people think you left,turned on,or endangered yourself and/or other people in some way, with machinery that are rarely but potentially hazardous on purpose, or you’ll be judged even if it was by accident, worried people think you think they left,turned on,or endangered yourself and/or other people in some way, with machinery that are rarely but potentially hazardous. Cheating OCD- Worrying you will/have or want to, worried your partner will/has.wants to, cheat, worried your partner thinks you’ve cheated, worried your partner thinks you think they’ve cheated. Can come with groinal response. Mind reading OCD- Worried everyone can/will/wants to, read your mind, worried you can/will/want to, read everyone’s mind, worrying everyone thinks you can read their mind, worrying everyone thinks you think they can read your mind or that you can read theirs. Body Image OCD: Worried your body image is disfigured/ugly/smelly/abnormal, worried other’s bodies are disfigured/ugly/smelly/abnormal, worried everyone thinks your body is disfigured/ugly/smelly/abnormal, worried everyone thinks you think their body is disfigured/ugly/smelly/abnormal. Worried that you walk funny, talk funny, worried you feel physically weird and out of this world, an OCD detachment from reality, worried something is wrong with you. Worried that other people walk funny, talk funny, worried there is something wrong with them. Worried other people think you walk funny, talk funny, worried they think you look physically weird and out of this world. Sleep OCD: Worried you don’t sleep enough or you sleep too much, worried you’ll never sleep again, worried other people sleep too much or not enough, worried they will never sleep again. Worried they worry you’ll never sleep again but they just aren’t telling you. Death OCD: Worried you are going to die because of things like loss of concentration, not remembering things, brain fog, becoming slower etc. Dead OCD: Worrying you are dead or other people are dead or everyone thinks you are dead, or everyone thinks you think they’re dead. Word OCD- Words triggering embarrassment in case everyone thinks you’ve done something wrong within the concept that they are talking about. Unconscious OCD- Worried you will act on your thoughts unconsciously or that someone else will act on their thoughts unconsciously. Worried everyone thinks you will act on your thoughts unconsciously, worrying everyone thinks you think they will act on their thoughts unconsciously. Magical OCD- Thinking words or phrases or actions or people or things, hold great power to prevent or induce terrible events, worrying everyone thinks your words or phrases or actions or people or things, hold great power to prevent or induce terrible events, worrying everyone thinks you think your words or phrases or actions or people or things, hold great power to prevent or induce terrible events. False memory OCD - Believing you remember you acting on one of your OCD’s listed above or down below, believing other people remember you acting on one of your OCD’s listed above or down below, worrying people think you’ve acted on one of your OCD’s listed above or down below, worried people think you think they’ve acted on one of the OCD’s listed above or down below, but you haven’t and somewhere in your brain you know that. Typing OCD - Worrying you will, did, everyone thinks you did, or someone else did or will type one of your OCD’s online or write it down etc, worrying everyone thinks you think they typed one of your OCD’s online or wrote it down etc. False confession OCD: Worried you’ll confess to something you haven’t done. Speaking OCD: Worried you’ll speak out your intrusive thoughts. Just right OCD - If I don’t do this, or others don’t do this, then something bad will happen, worried other people think you’ve made something bad happen, worried other people think you think they’ve made something bad happen. Worrying you make people uncomfortable with how odd you seem when things trigger your checking or anxiety OCD (a few others have this but there is no name to it): worrying people think you make people uncomfortable with how odd you seem when things trigger your checking or anxiety. THIS IS JUST SOME, OF THE ENDLESS OCD’S. There are so many more. Carry on us OCD lot, we’re so ill but hopefully there’ll be a cure soon. The worst possible things that could happen from doing some of these things (we won’t, I’m just saying this because the scarier the worst possible scenario, the more the intrusive thoughts keep popping up), is we would lose our family and friends and get sent to prison and the death penalty would come to England and we’d be put to death. But to be honest, actual prison is better than the prison that lives in our minds. And death is something that happens to us all eventually anyway. It's OCD guys, stay strong!
Hi everyone, this is probably going to be long, so sorry for that I need some assurance.. Im going mad I don't see a doctor in 15 years because I thought that whatever I end up having I get better or I just die, so I have no ideia If I have OCD. But you know what Im afraid.. Being a pedophile. Im 30, and a week ago I was living my normal life and suddenly out of nowhere I get a horrrible thought.. Hurting a child. I realize that and start thinking what the hell, why did that pop in my head? And start analyzing it over and over in my head and I began being overwhelmed with thoughts of hurting children, and I worried more and more, couldnt stop thinking about it.. I barely slept that night When I woke up, the thoughts slowly came back but worse, now it was sexual related.. And thats when my life truly became hell on earth. These thoughts/images were pretty much in mind all the time and anything would trigger, sometimes not even a trigger is needed, they just appear and get stuck in my head.. Like there was two me in my mind. And without realizing, I started doubting myself.. Will I ever hurt children? Am I evil? Am I.. a pedo? I started walking inside my house randomly when it gets really bad, shaking my feet or legs when sitting, and I check my penis all the time now.. I even compare the size it is and sometimes if its even 1cm longer, I panic and do it all over again.. mind you I never got an erection.. I even torture myself thinking about these thoughts just to check and it pains me, makes me feel physically sick even. These things are pretty much automatic, I do them without even realizing it sometimes. I argue with myself in my mind, i seek comfort in memories but they are somewhat changed making me doubt even more.. I avoid thinking about my niece that I love and miss so much, just so these horrific images/thoughts don't show her. My head feels so heavy, like its about to explode, I thought about killing myself, I avoid children, just the mere mention of one makes me anxious and worried.. What if Im really a pedo? What if I end up hurting children? What if? What if? Always what ifs.. But then I get the thought that I am a pedo and have to accept it and I argue with that thought trying to prove its wrong and the reasons.. And so on and on I don't even masturbate anymore with these thoughts popping in my head I never had these thoughts before, always loved women and their body and never had thoughts about children like that in my life. My life was always a mess, depression, backstabs from people I trusted, anti-social and social awkward, emptyness, and so on... But then my niece was born and she was like a light in that sent my hollowness away.. She is 7 and she is a part of my life since she was born, we are very close.. Im not even joking when I say that when she was little, she would cry if I had to leave, but she wouldn't if her dad or mom went away as long as she was with me.. she gave my life a meaning, made me feel like someone important in this world and I vowed to protect her at all costs.. And now I am afraid if she comes near me, I am afraid she will think I don't love her.. Its breaking my heart just thinking about it.. She is the most important person to me in the world.. And now I need to protect her.. From me.. I cry everyday, I cant find comfort anywhere, I argue with myself all the time, I feel a demon.. Or even worse than that.. I honestly just want it to end, I pray for that everyday.. I can honestly say that this is and will always be the worst thing that happened to me and Im 100% sure of it. This is hell on earth for me, I would rather be dead, crazy, a killer, whatever.. I dont know for how long I can endure this.. Its pretty hard, trust me.. I cant enjoy what little life I had before.. I just want to die, I even told God to just kill me cause I cant take it anymore.. And its been only one week of this.. Ever since my hell started, I do google searches regarding these thoughts everyday and try to find some comfort and yesterday I posted my situation on a YouTube video of a girl talking about POCD and I felt much better that night.. Like I was me again, didnt have any of these thoughts but I could hear a low voice in my head all the time saying that I should worry, are you a pedo? You are a pedo, etc.. But I ignored it and it was a relief.. I always thought my life before this was baby, but that night my previous life looked like the best thing ever.. I was so happy, I thought about my niece clearly without any random shit that my brains decides to pop added, I cried, I thanked god, I thought I was myself again.. But then I woke up.. And for a while these thoughts and images were trying to gain control but I stood strong for a while.. And now Im here.. I lost the battle.. So.. Can I have some kind of OCD or am I just a monster? Please be honest.. Cause if I end up being indeed a pedo, I will make sure I will never see my niece again, never be near kids or watch shows with them, I will tell my family about the monster I am and will seek castration or something. BTW, like yesterday, talking about it is making me feel better.
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