- Username
- h
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I thought I was really getting better because my anxiety has gone down significantly but now I still have doubts about my sexuality. I'm 27 and have never been in a romantic relationship with a man and want to so bad. But since it hasn't happened yet I feel like I am not capable of doing so because I'm a lesbian and just realizing it. It also doesn't help that I did like watching lesbian porn (i felt nothong about it because i know a lot of straight women do). And when I was 22 I did question my sexuality but "knew" I liked guys and really wasn't interested in sex or a relationship with a woman. But now I feel like I was wrong.
i do not want to reassure you but i feel the same way, i just call myself bisexual it releases some stress although i question if i am really straight or lesbian. i know it’s hard but use the tools and don’t over analyze it just do what you want and even if you feel like it’s not 100% right and what you REALLY want to do, do it anyways
@No_brainier99 just do it honestly. tell yourself you want to and if you don’t like it then you will know what you truly like! it’s up to you. and me struggling with this i keep myself and my mind open to anything to not stress myself out, it doesn’t hurt to try things though ya know?
Im doing erp therapy now it's been 3 weeks! I do feel my anxiety has gone down because it got to the point where i was having suicidal thoughts. But i feel i should be further along in recovery and I'm afraid I'm not doing the erp exercises right. Im reading Overcoming Intrusive Thoughts and have ordered an OCD workbook that comes tomorrow. I also found a workout packet so i can document my exposures and responses better. Another thing that is difficult is learning all of the mental compulsions i have. I have been able to stop the Googling and other physical compulsions but I recently learned of others that I have been doing this entire time. I am happy to discover them so i can stop but i feel i have wasted the past 3 weeks. And it's expensive to go to therapy. Don't get me wrong i have the best therapist and she's so patient and understanding but i feel im the biggest set back.
nope you’re doing great. be kind to yourself because you deserve patience dealing with this for so long, give yourself time and however long you need.
@adri Thank you for your kind words but tbh I want this over with sooo bad! I am happy when I think this wont last forever
@I_WILL_SURVIVE of course:) i do too but we have to remind ourself to be patient because this is our journey & it won’t be forever and we are building our way up to achieving that
@I_WILL_SURVIVE If you were training for a marathon, and couldn’t run the full 26 miles after three weeks of training, would you consider it time wasted? If during training you discovered more effective ways of improving your fitness, would you be upset you didn’t somehow know that without experience? Why are you doing that with recovery?
Same :((
we will get through it :( <3
I agree 100%
Does anyone feel like they don’t know what they want anymore? Like I just don’t know anymore at this point. If someone asked me if I was straight, my head would go straight to “i don’t even know anymore tbh.”
I’ve lost my sense of identity now (I don’t know how I am or what I want). I recently read that we can force ourselves to love people, be in denial when it comes to who we really are and develop attraction to an array of different people before and after puberty. Now it seems like my whole life is a lie. Has everything been forced? Am I secretly bi and in denial? Ugh, I hate it. To make it worse, I was recently watching a TV game show and a question about Katy Perry and her songs popped up. My immediate answer was her song I kissed a girl. Obviously, I took that as a mental sign. On top of that, I’ve had many “uncertain,” crushes (I wasn’t too sure whether I really liked them) that have actually developed into love. Now I’m wondering whether I forced myself to feel that way and I feel horrible; I just want to be with a man, not a woman. The idea of touching a women inappropriately makes me want to cry and throw up; it generally makes me distressed and uncomfortable. I don’t know what to do because I don’t know who I am anymore; I was so boy crazy and romantic beforehand. Now I’m plagued with anxiety and uncertainty.
Does anyone else get these feelings that they don’t even trust calling themselves their correct orientation anymore? Like I just feel like I’ve lost myself and deep down I’m not really a lesbian. Even though I was once so sure that I was :(
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