This has been one of the worst days of my life. I’ve had 2 break downs today, over taxes. I think I’ve made mistakes in past years returns, and now I don’t know what to do. I’m going to be in such trouble. I can’t function like this anymore

Please help. I have felt so off/wrong all day. I constantly worry that the “bad guy” is going to get me. I have awful thoughts and I constantly want God to know that I don’t mean these thoughts. I am at a point in my therapy where I need to choose to use my ERP but it feels too scary. I then do compulsions, which makes the OCD worse, which makes me want to use ERP less. And the cycle goes on. I am currently sitting in my car crying because I feel so lost and exhausted. I’m not supposed to figure out my thoughts, but today I just went into a spiral of sadness and depression, thinking that I will always feel like this. When my thoughts got really bad at the end of the day, I tried to use ERP even though I was shaking and not believing my responses and I ended up feeling like I missed something and that I gave into the “bad guy.” I have no one to talk when I’m not doing therapy twice a week. I am alone and have no one to talk to when I am like this… please help

I’m really depressed and lately life has been really really bad. Everyday, it’s like something horrible happens and my mind tries to make me forget it. My family life isn’t that great and everything is super tough for me. It’s like when I get better I go like a million steps back. I ended up doing something bad today:ended up becoming aggressive to myself and caused some ouchies) it hurt a lot and right now I’m really stressed and have been for a while. My mental well being has been extremely bad these days. I have obsessive compulsive disorder but for me it’s decently strong so it’s hard to contain, Complex-trauma, depression, and possibly ADHD. It’s an awful mix. My life is a living hell everyday. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep lying to myself to Myself that I’m getting better when in reality I’m in so much pain, it’s like I’m barely doing anything at all. Please, help, I’ve been acting not like myself. I want to live, even though it’s extremely difficult too and I rather much not be here, but people are counting on me and I don’t want to fail them. How can I convince myself to stay a little longer when I am fully burnt out from trying to get better? I’m in so much pain. I don’t know how to even deal with it. I’m so lost, I might lose it more, and I’m scared for myself. I feel like I don’t even deserve help. I’m so mentally unwell I can’t even think correctly. I hate everything and just want to sleep forever and ever. I’m so numb to it all. I don’t feel anything anymore.

So I work in a tutoring company that helps kids improve in math and reading. I usually do the grading and help out kids who are 3-6 years old. Today because there was 10mins left till closing I sent out a kid early and the mom came back asking me if he actually finished and I told her that he did two packets and that there was 5 mins till closing which I think was a mistake on my part to say that but like I was in shock because of how strong she came in and I then told her that if she wants I can do one reading with him and stay a bit longer but she also didn’t like that response due to her being upset that I let him leave 10 mins early. So then I told my boss the situation and the mom came back and for some reason the mom was now nicer and understanding about it and both just told me that next time to do one hour but my boss understood why I let him out early. It’s because I had another kid I was teaching and that kid likes to talk a lot and cause us a hard time so she thought that It was too much since I was working with that kid and the moms kid at the same time. But in the end I apologized to my boss about it and she told me that it’s okay that she only said certain things in front of the mom just so she can be happy or not have any problems. I just was very shaken up about it and still am. I feel like I always believe that I can handle people who come up to me in a frustrated or angry tone but nope I start wanting to hide and cry instantly so I was disappointed in myself. I have been wanting to quit this job for a minute because of the pay, I get paid monthly and it just doesn’t help with all the events and traveling I want to do. But I think I stay because I want the experience of working with kids so that I can seek other jobs but tbh I don’t think working with kids is for me. Not that I can’t handle kids, I know I can help and teach them it’s more so that it’s not a long term career that I wanna do. It’s just hard being a psych major and finding jobs or internships that relate to clinical psychology. I want to be able to hear people out and help them. I think I’m ranting at this point but in short I am just frustrated with myself for today because I’ve been working there for months and made a mistake that could’ve been easily fixed. It’s been bothering me all day and I hope it doesn’t ruin my mood for the rest of the week because I just wanna relax but feel like I can’t because I wanna cry.