- Username
- nlnnoaia
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Oh honey, this is just ocd. I’ve had these thoughts when being intimate with my husband. A main part of my pocd is false memories so I’ve constantly had feelings of checking or trying to ruminate during sex as well. Which made me feel worse. Please don’t despair. One time I read something on a forum that really comforted me. It said that whatever many people are aroused by in their minds, is not something they would ever carry out. Not saying you were aroused by that thought intentionally but you might have felt like it because you were in that sexual moment when the thought came along. To give perspective, some women have a fantasy of being raped at one point or another. Would they ever do such a thing or want it to actually happen to them? Of course not. Basically, thoughts and actions are separate. The difference is that we have ocd and we attach way too much meaning to our thoughts. However It is our actions around us that define us. Acceptance does not mean that we have to accept we enjoy the thoughts, because that would be very hard to accept because it is against our morals and values. Accepting means accepting that the thoughts can come and go as these please, because they are simple thoughts. Nothing else. Anything can come into our mind while we are enjoying sex. I hope this helps some. If this is affecting you so much (not eating, sleeping) try to reach out to a therapist if you haven’t already. Next time it troubles you, practice just letting the thought come and saying ok well it doesn’t mean anything it’s just a thought We are here for you
Oh never mind just reread that you said you are seeing a therapist. Excellent. Pedophiles enjoy their thoughts they don’t obsess and worry over them and especially stop eating or sleeping because of them. It is most definitely pocd
Your not ! It’s hard and I’ve been there and still at times there with you. They are thoughts that send us on wild journeys. I hate them feel sick distressed and lonely, but the more we play with the thoughts the worse they get, it will get better and you will have ups and downs along the way, as do I ! It’s an horrendous topic but it is what it is and we can get through this
Thank you for your response. I am just so afraid that something like this happens again, now it feels even harder to accept the thoughts because OCD is telling me this situation is proof that I actually enjoy them. I just don’t know how to stop thinking about it and I feel like I will never be over this, forever anxious about getting wrong feelings thoughts and emotions, acting wrong. Don’t want to do sexual stuff with myself/boyfriend any longer, I am so scared of this happening again or something else :(
Everything your describing is in your head, your not acting on your thoughts/ feelings. Hang in there it will get better.
Hey so I’m an 18 year old college student I’ve had ocd for a long time but I never wanted to admit this aspect of it as part of it and I still don’t. That’s why I won’t say it cause I’ll just end up crying again. I don’t even want to post about it cause this would just make the problem real. I know I’m not sexually attracted to them but my mind wants to trick me and I end up getting confused on which is rlly me, like the other aspects of my ocd. It spiked ig when someone sent me a meme and it was fine but at the end of it it showed a child being shown in a sexual way which was suppose to I guess be funny but it wasn’t rlly funny to me at all and got uncomfortable and the pocd thoughts came in hard and I had such a bad panic attack and then I felt the need to go back and check to see what I was feeling and went to the video the next day after avoiding it to see which after reading the threads here is I guess a big no no? I know I’m not sexually attracted but my mind is playing these games and confuses me and I’m so scared to even talk to my therapist about it or ask people for help cause what if they think I’m a pedophile? Children genuinely make me happy and I have a motherly instinct to care for them but my mind turns it into something darker and I know I don’t think of these kids sexually but it’s like I have the power to?And that freaks me out so much and it won’t leave me alone I don’t know what to do I know I’m not one but my mind is tricking me and it’s freaking me out and if my mind says it could be what if other people think I am no one I trust will even understand idk what to do I just needed to put this somewhere to vent
So I (16 f) haven't been diagnosed with it but I think I have OCD. Specifically POCD and real event OCD. I did something in 2021 that I regretted then and I regret even more now. I read some fanfiction that involved incest and minors and I hated it. I hated it bc it was disgusting, bc it went against my morals, and bc I read it. I was bored but I still wish I didn't read them. And since April of this year, I have been suffering bc I read them. I'm scared I'm a pedo and I really don't want to be one bc I don't want to do the things they do to kids. I Don't even find kids attractive but I get groinal responses and I'm scared that I actually do. I suffer from intrusive thoughts everyday. Even though this flair up started in April, I've been suffering from it for a couple years. But nowadays I'll be lucky to go a hour without them. I posted a similar post like this on Reddit a month or two ago and all of the comments said I wasn't a pedo and that it was POCD but I'm spiraling. During those months I would be scared I was a pedo and not be scared bc I knew it was ocd back and forth but this time it's different. I'm scared that I'm actually a pedo but I don't want to be. I don't like the thoughts and I don't want to do anything to kids. I know people say that 'if you were a pedo you would like the thoughts." Or "if you were a pedo you would know you are." And that's helped me but now I feel like I could just be in denial. I tried to not let it bother me but my brain tells me that if I don't react, that means I like the thoughts. I have younger cousins and a nephew and I hate being around them bc I'm scared that I'll get attracted to them. I hate when my younger sister hugs me bc I get scared that I'll get attracted. There has been multiple times where I just went in my bathroom and just broke down crying. And I hate crying but I cried more than I usually do. It's gotten to the point where multiple times I felt suicidal and honestly I feel like that now. But I usually got over it and realized it was just OCD but I'm scared that it's not. And I feel like if it was just thoughts then maybe it would've been better but it's the fact that I read those even though I hated it and was disgusted by it. I just really don't know what to do. I'm sorry that this post is too long.
I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about pedophilia, I was highly addicted to porn for 2 years or more, I even masturbated a couple times to someone younger but when I did that my ocd didn’t trigger or nothing till months after thinking what if I am a pedophile, after that is when I decided to quit porn indefinitely I realized I was going too far,I always thought I was a decent person, I have never hurt anyone, I always had this idea that I could become someone people can look up to or just become someone everyone respected, I’ve always loved sports, my family and video games, but lately I haven’t been able to enjoy any of that it’s like my ocd is making me think I’ve always been like this and all my actual beliefs weren’t real that I’ve always been this horrible person, at first I would get panic attacks and disgust but now I feel kinda numb and I don’t want to feel like that cause it’s making me think that maybe I am one and my mind is getting used to it, I even feel uncomfortable talking about kids or just being around them and I have never been like that . I am a heavy nicotine and weed smoker (I’ve tried to stop since it seems to make them worse). Now it feels like I am a completely different person, I also have a girlfriend who before this i would love with everything in me, and would be afraid to lose her every time we would argue, I would even think about a child with her in the future, but now I don’t even feel love or any attraction or any of the previous feelings I would feel towards my future and I just feel it makes it even worse cause if I’m not attracted to her and all my previous beliefs feel like lies then what can I believe in? Any advice or tips? I’ll be starting therapy this week so I pray there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
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