Hey guys, POCD trigger. Have been diagnosed with pocd. Help needed. Having s massive panic attack. Woke up early and out of no where came an intrusive thought of a naked kid. As much as it caused me disgust and to have a tight chest anxiety etc it seemed like I enjoyed the thought? Like I couldn’t deny I enjoyed the image? Do not want to act on it and went to markets this morning and saw kids and got intrusive thoughts but thought oh that’s just OCD however these thoughts really upset me and now I feel like a non offending pedo in denial. Like I read some pedos can feel disgust too and I’m just freaking out. My therapist said thoughts don’t mean action but I wonder if I have secret desires and I can’t live like this. Has anyone else felt the same? Can an OCD thought seem “enjoyable?” And like you “like” the thought?

That’s basically what I am going through. OCD can make you believe a lot of things, it gets worse when you try to accept those thoughts because it tells you you might enjoy them. It’s a typical symptom!

I know how you feel, but also have no idea how to deal with it. I've never had a concrete "I enjoyed that thought" moment but I've had thoughts (that I pray to GOD are intrusive) that are like why would that be so bad? What's so wrong about that? Etc and those freak me out a TON. Like I ALWAYS wonder if I'm just a non offending pedo. And the fact that I'm only 20, I always think so I really have to live the rest of my life like this?? Terrifying.

I go through similar things. I picture doing horrible things that i know i would never do but it scares me and makes me question myself. It is a typical symptom and doesnt mean u wouls ever do or enjoy these things

It’s like I said to myself, “yep I admit it I enjoy that thought” and couldn’t deny it. Anyone else had the same but extreme anxiety after? Feel like I’m just in denial

I haven’t read further material Philippians 4:7, I didn’t want to. I guess uncertainty is part of the battle - but perhaps these people have undiagnosed pocd instead? OCD is based around fear. Hope you’re going ok Soniclen

Like I relate to 99% of what you wrote down, it's like you're in my head

Although I relate to everything you stated I also feel like you saying pedos can also feel disgust has left me wondering and got me a ljgtlet triggered ?? that's my fault though i shouldn'tve read your post since it clearly said it was a pocd trigger.

Little triggered*

And please don't reply with any further material you read about ?

Avoiding places, posts, articles will only feed avoidance. Deep down we all know this. Gotta face the demon. I have this amongst other themes which shift like sands over time but you HAVE to accept the uncertainty- that it is technically possible but highly improbable. I wrote a script on here - truly my worst nightmare where I act on my obsession in the present tense. Horrid. Fucking horrid. But living with ocd fear is worse longer term.

I’m not doing bad Anonk. As I write this I see things and feel some sensations. But I HAVE to face them. If it helps I have never gone after this theme as hard as this time - no pun intended. It still scares me, and I’m the same as you and here are some of the questions I have had: - thinking it is almost as bad as doing it ( even though it is not voluntary). - thinking it is a precursor to doing it ( even though I’m in control). - thinking it must represent some intentionality surely (even though intellectually I know it’s my literal worst nightmare). - thinking it just mean on some level I’d like the idea of it (even though I hate it) - having these thoughts intrude during intimacy means I’m wiring my brain to include a nefarious interest ( even though all the literature says otherwise). That last one is the one that always gets me - without that.........this theme doesn’t get a look in. Ever. Which means underneath this is some impact or rather my obsession with sex through some addiction, with four or five intermittent bouts of obsessing about performance (and killing it in the process). Which is all preceded by major hyper responsibility (which is awful but at least in those images I’m trying to SAVE people). I will never be absolute 100% certain I could not be capable of this. I have to accept that I am, or that I could be capable of developing this interest technically ( even though I’m repulsed by it). Through exposure I am getting my life and sanity back ( yet I’m numb to images and sensations that used to make me feel awful and would others). I don’t give into the Blackfoot spikes that tell me ‘they don’t bother you now. See? You DO like it!’ It’s possible but highly improbable, I chose absolute confidence over absolute certainty. So........just fuck off ocd. You’re a bore and a crazy ‘best friend’. This was epic but I hope it helps you. Writing this shit gets easier. Do not reassure me. It’s about time I learnt to trust, respect and love myself again.

@anonk let's hope they have that instead. Now I'm telling myself "nah you're just having wishful thinking now" ?