- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I was reading all these articles of gay men who came out to their wives after many years of marriage, keeping the secret, I was triggered everytime, "that's me" "I will have come out eventually" "I will always be miserable if I don't come out as gay", the urges are so strong and soooooo terrifyingly uncomfortable, it's like I'm getting choked.
- Date posted
- 6y
I experience the same but with POCD. It’s ruining everything.
- Date posted
- 6y
Intrusive thoughts, sentences, words, feelings, urges, groinal responses (by far the worst) I’m anxious when it comes to intimacy. I can’t read or hear anything without linking it to children. I’m giving in to a lot of (mental) compulsions. Feeling like I’m in denial, a liar who just don’t want to accept it. I have thoughts that I need to break up with my boyfriend because my POCD tells me I‘m just searching for something which proves my thoughts and feelings aren’t real. It tells me that I need to believe I’m a p otherwise I won’t ever be happy again. It’s just so exhausting at the moment, I don’t know. I feel miserable, I don’t feel a lot of anxiety anymore but more like giving up because it’s too much
- Date posted
- 6y
This is one of my worst thoughts with my HOCD, and makes recovery hard. The worst part is when you feel like you know that you’re not, but there’s always that nagging doubt. But what helps me is holding on to the moments of ‘clarity’ where I know who I am and what feels right. Also, knowing that there are so many OCD success stories and that people go on to live fulfilling lives. I would suggest listening to the podcast ‘The OCD Stories’ if you haven’t already, because there’s a lot of uplifting but real guests who have gone through bad episodes of OCD and come out the other side.
- Date posted
- 6y
@nInnoaia Sorry to hear that, I can imagine the mental agony, because I feel it constantly, it's pure torture. Exactly, I feel the same, I feel like I am using OCD as an excuse to deny that I truly am Gay and want to live the lifestyle, I also don't feel much anxiety anymore hence it feels more real than ever because the thoughts, feelings and urges are continuous. I feel you, I am exhausted, tired, stressed, in constant mental agony, I feel worse than I ever did.
- Date posted
- 6y
@m.a.d I agree, I really enjoy those moments of clarity, where I am able to think more rationally and clearly, the 'bad' days are pure torture, it's like I have a different brain all together, I feel completely convinced by the thoughts and doubts, it's terrifying, so much guilt, shame and sadness.
- Date posted
- 6y
yep, the bad days are horrible. I always described it to my family as like a ‘switch,’ like I had two brains that saw things two ways. But unfortunately the OCD brain feels more powerful because of the anxiety that comes with it. It’s very scary to feel like you don’t hold any power over your own life, but we have to remind ourselves that that’s the OCD talking. I always try to remind myself that I feel crazy when I’m in my OCD thoughts, so I really don’t think that they are my truth.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I’ve suffered with this and it has affected my sex drive before. It’s a horrible affliction to have.
- Date posted
- 6y
Omg same!!! :( the urges are the thing I’m struggling with most af the moment. Feels soo real doesn’t it
- Date posted
- 6y
That’s crazy @Ahmed I have the exact same thing but actually recently am starting to feel a bit better, my sister had harm ocd and got over hers using CBT (blocking out the thoughts or procrastinating them “I’m not thinking of that now”) she’s helped me a lot and given me hope, she told me to stay really busy and not to worry about your sexuality as it’s only feeding into your ocd. The more you wonder the worse you feel because you’re torturing yourself for an answer and you don’t know what it is! I don’t know why but whenever I try to learn a song, from start to finish I feel better as I’m concentrating on the song and not my ocd thoughts and when that happens I’m not obsessing over my sexuality and I know I’m not gay. This may not work for you but when I’m in the depths of despair this is one technique that helps me and I hope it helps you!
- Date posted
- 6y
I always remember my father saying to me that you don’t make life changing decisions when you’re in a bad place and when you’re suffering from HOCD you’re in a bad place and need to get out of it before you discover your sexuality. This is very easy in theory and nylon impossible in practice but try and do things that occupy the mind and make you think of something other than your sexuality if you can. A voice in the back of your head says if you turn gay you’ll feel so much better but if that’s not who you are then that’s the OCD talking.
- Date posted
- 6y
@nInnoaia sorry to hear that, Its too painful, what kind of symptoms are you feeling?
- Date posted
- 6y
i hate HOCD. :(
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
- Date posted
- 15w
I don’t know what to do with this bs anymore. I’m crying again and again and again and again. I cannot describe how painful this is. I’ve recovered from every single OCD subtype expect this one. HOCD is so scary and it’s so incredibly scary how it feels so real. The issue with this subtype is how intertwined it is with feelings and sensations. I hate how it keeps latching onto the past and uses the past as proof. I don’t want it to be the truth. I don’t want to accept any possibility.
- Date posted
- 14w
I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
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