so exhausted. so sick of these thoughts. i just wake up everyday feeling like l am inherently evil and inherently bad. l dont want to harm others l would never want to... but my brain tells me l do and my brain tells me l even get PLEASURE from the thought. l am exhausted. sometimes the obsessions get so bad that no compulsion can help. compulsions sometimes help to wipe away these thoughts. l almost wish l could develop one for my harmOCD. l cant do this anymore. l need someone to tell me it isnt real. l am so sick of people on the internet thinking that OCD is fun in anyway. That intrusive thoughts are fun and silly. People even make TRENDS out of intrusive thoughts. Everyone has intrusive thoughts sometimes. Everyone. This disorder can make you completely convince yourself that not only are you capable of doing horrible things but it gives you false memories that you have already done them. Makes you feel like you are in psychosis and have no control. l wish it was fun. l am so tired.

yea this disorder sucks major ass, especially in this regard. harm ocd does awful things to my brain as well but lately i’ve found that constant positive affirmation is what helps me to cope. honestly this is probably a compulsion, but whenever the scarier thoughts pop into my head i repeat the phrase “you are not that thought” over and over until i finally forget. or i simply sing over the “loudness” of the thought at play. i also keep in mind that if i were truly as abhorrent as my brain wants me to think i wouldn’t be so completely and utter disgusted at the content. so yea :) i hope this helps

utterly*

Are you in treatment with an ocd specialist? I can see and feel your pain. And I’m so sorry your ocd has gotten this bad. Unfortunately, compulsions aren’t the answer. They never have been and never will be. What you’re doing isn’t working. And it’s time to try something new. That new thing is proper treatment where you resist compulsions and learn to sit with all of the icky feelings you have instead of spending all day trying to get rid of them. It won’t be easy. It will feel hard. It will be exhausting in its own right. But it will be productive. It will help you heal. And it will get better with time. What you’re doing now won’t get better with time; it will continue to get worse. Find an ocd specialist. If that’s not an option, do an online course for ocd. If that’s not an option, get an ocd workbook. Join an ocd support group. Read some books on ocd. And most importantly: start implementing what you learn. You can do this!

I am going through the exact same thing at the moment and it’s so hard. I have always been a nice person but these thoughts make me feel like I’m not and that I was manipulating people into thinking I was nice when deep down I wasn’t which isn’t true and I know that. It’s so hard but we will get through this. Sending you all my love ❤️