Hi everyone! Hope everyone’s doing well. I just wanted to ask a question because I’ve been trying to improve with not letting the intrusive thoughts make me spiral, but something happened the other day that has been making me really upset, and down, but I don’t know if my worry is connected to my OCD or if it’s just general feelings. I just wanted some advice. Basically, I’ve been struggling with POCD and also have struggled with HOCD however the HOCD is not as bad now, however I do still frequently get the intrusive thoughts. Anyway, someone on here told me and several sites that I had been making my OCD worse by avoiding things such as masturbating or porn to avoid the intrusive thoughts in these situations. So the other day, I tried to watch some whilst masturbating, and not stopping if the intrusive thoughts came, and just try and brush them off and not have a guilt spiral. But I watched a video that came up and it was a man working as a masseuse and there were different women coming in and he was massaging them but going close to her down below and then touching her there. And the camera angle was weird, and it looked hidden and I did get a bit worried about it but just carried on. But then I looked at the top of the video and it said sponsored by hidden cameras in massage places. And then I was like omg no what if this video has been uploaded and the women didn’t have consent and they didn’t know they were being filmed and I’ve just watched a man touching them. And I didn’t stop the video, I watched for around 20 more seconds and then turned it off so now I feel so so guilty, and I feel like a terrible person. Is this my OCD ? I’m just so stressed and feel awful, I keep trying to brush the thoughts away but it’s becoming difficult to, and it’s making me feel terrible. Any help ?

It would be illegal to upload such content, let alone to molest anyone going in for a massage. Where was this posted?

The fact that you are anxious about that tells me that it is OCD You can get though this Just don’t be afraid I have had several types of OCD: HOCD, POCD and ROCD (now) and I went though this, if I can, then you can do it as well Be brave, be powerful, everything is gonna be okay, I promise!

It was on a site called redtube. I’d heard about it a while ago and I didn’t really want to search for sites I didn’t know. I’m not even sure what the video was because I only saw around 20 seconds. I just feel so guilty that I’ve seen some of it. And I don’t even know if it was a ‘hidden camera’ because from what I saw, the women didn’t seem to be uncomfortable with it. I don’t even fully remember the video but it was just a strange camera angle and the ‘sponsored by’ thing was just weird to me, and then I started to panic.

These major websites put in a lot of effort to policing the content that goes on there. They could get into a LOT of trouble if they let something illegal in their site. I wouldn't worry too much about it

@dariamerchant Thank you for your reply. Yes, that makes sense, I was suspecting it would be my OCD. Thank you ! I hope you get better too :) @deputydean yeah, that makes sense, the video just seemed weird to me, and then of course that led me to spiral and literally not think of anything else. I just feel terrible about it. Have you heard of the site before ? Is it one that would make sure the content it okay ?

I've stopped going to those sites since a long time ago bc porn messes with your head on so many levels. Just stick to the known ones and you'll be fine.

Okay. Thank you for the advice. If you don’t mind me asking ? In what ways does it mess with your head ? I just want to make sure I’m sling the right thing for myself. Someone told me it would help with the OCD but I don’t want to watch it if it’s not going to help.

*Doing* not sling