- Date posted
- 6y ago
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I love the interview with Jon Hershfield and have listened to it many times and think it might be a form of a compulsion because it makes so much sense to me and I find when I listen to it, it’s reassurance that I have ocd. Do any of you do that? Like I’ve listened to it at least 15 times lol.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Well just listen to another story on there. I was searching for EMDR stories and stumbled upon it. The follow talking said he has had a fear of death driving his OCD symptoms. He seeks ERP style visualizations about imagining his own death. He also emphasized befriending his OCD since it’s so much a part of his artwork and it breaks the pattern of resistance/safety seeking/anxiety about anxiety about anxiety.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
You know what, maybe you’re on to something DollarMustache..I definitely have a fear of suffering and of what people think of me. Those beliefs could be fueling my obsessions...I’m proud of myself for sticking through the anxiety attack the podcast gave but my God was it hard as I just kept having intrusive thoughts about HIS intrusive thoughts lol. It’s never ending!
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I LOVE the OCD stories podcast. I actually loved the Aaron Harvey one because of how detailed he was; it made me feel less alone and messed up. I think it’s important to do some reflection after listening and figure out why the things that bothered you triggered you so much.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
But anyway, he has so many resources on his website too in his blog. He really gets ocd.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I haven’t listened to the podcast with Aaron Harvey, of course now I want to. But kind of scares me because It took me over 20 years also to get treatment for my harm and health ocd also. I also have that fear of never recovering, suffering for so long, it’s all my brain knows and is probably fueling my obsessions too. I think the key to recovery is self compassion, which is hard for all ocd sufferers. Erp has been harder than I thought it would be and I find myself being harsh with myself and I believe that is what is making me think i wont recover.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
They were just so upsetting to picture visually. I’ve had similar thoughts and maybe I’m scared of creating new obsessions by hearing about his. I am trying to approach recovery like Mark Freeman says and see it as eventually I will take the steps to have no symptoms but hearing about Aaron’s story just left me feeling so unbelievably hopeless, like there’s no point in recovery because he hasn’t recovered at all...
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Yes I’ve done that too and it probably for sure is a compulsion so we should all try to just listen once, take notes and absorb the info and then not listen again :) I know this is just me ruminating (another compulsion) but I can’t help but think that part of what’s taking Aaron longer to go into recovery is that fact that he went over 20 years undiagnosed. For me, mine has only been debilitating for about 2 years. The harm ocd started about 3 months ago is all so treatment might not be as hard for me, idk
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I can understand that. In a way I’m kind of viewing that podcast as ERP. So it scares me too that I was so triggered so quickly and already have started ruminating over what he said in the podcast, (creating NEW obsessions!) I think the key is self compassion too. Because the past two days I was doing great, and now I’m back to 24/7 ruminating, intrusive thoughts are at an all time high and I’m feeling every physical symptom of anxiety I ever have. I need to figure out what got me here and keep practicing
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Curious to talk more about this, but 11 days late to the party. Are you all still on this thread?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Yes!!
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Word. So a couple thoughts: 1. Thank god for that podcast. Saved my ass! Stu, if you’re listening ✌️+ ? 2. I was also 100 percent triggered by that episode with Aaron Harvey (if it’s the one I’m thinking of? That razor blade detail, holy shimole). That said, I ultimately decided to keep listening because the more I delve into my own treatment, the more committed I am to leaning into what scares me. And there is something kind of hilarious about that OH SHIT reaction that immediately pops up when you encounter some new and wildly appalling thought that could possibly be added to your repertoire. Like OH NO, MY BRAIN HASN’T THOUGHT UP THAT SHIT OUT YET BUT MY GOD. Tempting to immediately put on your earmuffs. But I love the idea that we don’t have to be afraid. That all the craziest available ideas are just waiting to be plucked out of the air and that doesn’t necessarily have to rock our world. 3. Re-listening to compelling episodes is DEFINITELY reassurance seeking. It’s glorious not to feel alone, but chasing the high of having someone else confirm that we are, in fact, suffering from OCD in a way that feels really really good is detrimental to true progress and liberation. Similarly, I feel like this app functions as a constant stream of reassurance for a lot of users looking to have the fact of their OCD confirmed for them again and again and again, when the truth is that we need to lean into that dizzying place of not knowing / not needing to know.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Great advice Fivel! So I actually also made myself go back and finish this episode! And it didn’t end as badly as I thought. I think what triggered me mostly besides the detail of his thoughts was that he wasn’t responding to treatment (I have an issue comparing myself to others which this episode made me learn.) And one of my biggest fears is obtaining an incurable disease or disorder (guess I gotta face that one head on exposure or not lol.) How’s your recovery been so far Fivel??
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w ago
This might contain triggering content, but I'm also wondering if others have dealt with this similar thought, and if so, how to deal with it? Overall, I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm able to eat again, which I hadn't been able to do because of how much anxiety I'd been experiencing. I'm spending time around loved ones and not just rotting in my room, and I've been able to wake up without immediately being bombarded by intrusive thoughts. When things first got really bad, I'd wake my mom up every night for reassurance, but I haven't done that in a while either. I'm really proud of myself, but there's still this nagging thought in my mind... While looking through others posts on here, hoping to find advice that'd fit my situation, I ended up making things worse. Someone mentioned how they had a fear that they'd purposely search for illegal content (related to POCD). I panicked, and "what ifs" flooded my thoughts. "What if the intrusive thoughts affect who I am as a person, and I do that?" I'm terrified that I'll search for those things, which I know means I wouldn't do it. But then, another person on here said they'd actually looked for those things, and that freaked me out even more. Does that mean it's possible for that to happen to me? I don't want to do that, but I keep having intrusive thoughts surrounding it. I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm just... stuck. I don't know what to do. I've spoken with other people who have the same fears, but how do I manage this? It's not something I've even thought about before seeing those posts. I've been practicing accepting the uncertainty, but I'm really struggling with this one. I hate this. This morning, I woke up, and the intrusive thoughts were back. It's just disheartening.
- Date posted
- 13w ago
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
- Date posted
- 12w ago
Does anyone else struggle with this? It's been the main thing powering my POCD, and it's only been getting worse. Especially when I see posts online of people sharing their personal stories relating to CSA, specifically grooming. It's so triggering now, but before this theme developed, the most I'd feel while reading posts like that would be disgust targeted towards people who did those things. Now, my first thought is, "What if I do something like that one day? What if I've done it before and I don't remember or didn't know I was doing it?" I have many, many different intrusive thoughts or worries related to this theme, but it all circles back to this specific fear that I'll become like the people who hurt and took advantage of me. Does anyone have advice for this? I'm not sure if I've asked a similar question in the past or not, but is this something I need to deal with separately before beginning ERP for OCD? I'm just curious and also lost on where to begin with all of this. I'm just glad I'm able to begin working through all of these issues now, rather than later in life when I'd probably have a lot more responsibilities. Anyways, any feedback is appreciated! 🤍
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