- Username
- Melodyocd
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I've dealt with the same fear many times and posts like that are super triggering! It's because these things- butterflies, crushes, being in love - cannot really be generalised because even if there might be similarities in describing them, they are veeeery subjective feelings that each of us experiences in a different way. OCD makes us obsess about identifying with a clear definition that doesn't exist, it is something we could only in ourselves but how can we do that if we don't trust our own gut anymore? In the end we have to accept that we might never know 100% what our feelings are or were exactly, and that is ok. We don't have to be sure even if OCD tells us otherwise...
Thank you so much! This was so helpful, really helped me to try accept the uncertainty again as I was very much in a “it’s all true omg” state of mine, which was very upsetting because I’ve been doing so well recently. So thank you :)
@Melodyocd I am so glad it was helpful. It's so hard to accept that we might never be 100% and comfortable, but I hope it will get easier the more we practice.
What an insightful reply thanks :)
If you see things about rules to feel a certain way ignore them. There’s no rules in how to act, how to dress, how relationships feel; etc
Yeah I know you’re right deep down, I guess it’s just that fear of not knowing who I really am/ lying to myself. Like I just keep thinking “what if I am gay/bi” and I just haven’t realised. Trying really hard to not push the thoughts away and say maybe but it’s so tiring
@Melodyocd It’s tiring but the more you just laugh and say yep maybe the more it goes away
@Justmesadly Yeah I’ve been doing more of that lately as well as cutting out pretty much all my compulsions and I’ve felt so much better. Still have slip ups and I’ve been really bad at doing erp tho
@Melodyocd Give yourself grace! You can’t be perfect at it all the time! Cutting complusions is huge and a good step! Keep going
@Justmesadly Thank you!
This! This is what brings my hocd back everytime, this specific trigger. I feel so anxious and, not really disgusted but a feeling like I actually rather be alone than being with him etc. like I am scared that I don’t experience the same feelings towards guys that my friends do and how Its supposed to feel. All the dates I have been on for the past 3 years have all turned out bad and I haven’t really felt that “good honeymoon” feeling ever in my life? I wonder everyday what’s wrong with me and then HOCD comes and says “stop fooling yourself it’s because you want a woman!” It’s so hard
Yeah I feel the exact same way. I mean I think it’s just because I’m 21 and never had a relationship, so they always seem so scary for me because it’s so out of my comfort zone and I’d have no clue what to do. But then of course I get the same doubts you described like “what if it’s because you don’t like men and you would prefer being with women”
I was recently talking to an old friend of mine about the time it takes for friendships to really develop into something deep (often a few years) and how it is kind of paradox to expect us to feel the deepest love within a few days or weeks when it comes to romantic relationships. There is so much pressure on how it is supposed to feel.. I don't mean that people should stay in relationships where they are uncomfortable or unhappy or to invalidate the feelings of those who fall in love fast but everyone has a different timeline...
@Shoeshifter Yeah that’s a very good point tbf, I guess everyone expects it to be like the movies where it’s live at first sight
@Melodyocd It is for sure a different timeline! With my ex i was writing in my diary that I loved him right away but I think it took 6 months for me to realize I wanted to marry him and he says it took 1 month but then he broke up with me 😭
i deleted twitter because of how many triggers there were, especially about comphet
aare you okay though you need anything?
@Nour04 Yeah it’s very triggering, I feel like if I delete it it would be avoidance tho :(
❗️HUGE HOCD TRIGGER ❗️ I‘m having a panic attack right now. I saw a lesbian who said sometimes it can take a lifetime to figure out that you are homosexual and that the easiest way to figure out if you are gay is to see who you fall in love with. And then she said something that triggered my HOCD so, so much. She said „When I was a teenager the thought of having sex with a woman made me cringe, but whenever I kissed a man it was dull and when I kissed a woman it was really interesting.“ That’s the end for me. I‘m losing hope.
Just got off the chat with my therapist. Immediately triggered by late bloomer lesbians who loved their SOs. I love mine but I can’t orgasm and I’m afraid I’m not turned on enough by him naked. I’m so so so so scared I need a woman to be satisfied or that eventually I’ll take action and be with one. I want to vomit but it almost feels like I’m turned on in my groin. I’ve been working through ERP but these types of stories are 100% a huge trigger for me
Thinking about relationships makes me feel so bad. At this point both men and women trigger this obsession with trying to figure out what my sexuality is. I don’t really want to date anyone, I’ve been okay with this for over a year, and it’s not like I’ve been completely detached from the lgtbqia community. Like, I know lesbians and other wlw and for a long time I thought I was like bi (I think I’m honestly more aro than I realized), and I haven’t thought much, but ever since I realized I don’t want to share my future with anyone it’s like my brain is screeeeaming that this just means I’m a lesbian, when that’s never been a thought that crossed my mind. It’s definitely been better for me lately when I started cutting out compulsions and all that, but I’m still undiagnosed and I don’t know for sure what exactly is happening to me. If I was a lesbian I’d accept myself, but it’s the fact that it feels SO BAD when I think about it that makes me feel like I need to figure it out even more. Like is it anxiety because I don’t like it or anxiety because it’s like internalized homophobia? And it’s like omg I need to figure it out otherwise I’m just living a lie and I won’t ever be happy. I’ll get flashes of anxiety when I’m just watching a movie or a YouTube video about a boy band I like... and it throws things from the lesbian masterdoc in my face about how I had crushes on fictional characters and celebrities and how that’s something that lesbians do because it’s ‘safer’ to crush on unobtainable men. And it just feels bad bc I know I’ve had crushes on guys that were my friends too but I also have a lot of trauma and I wasn’t allowed to date growing up so that’s what I did to actually explore romance. When the anxiety spikes it makes me feel as if it was all a sign. What’s worse is that I started looking to aromanticism before I read the doc and there’s this bit about how some lesbians think they’re aro bc they don’t like men but never explore their attraction to women either and it’s like ahhhh what’s the truth. I don’t know anymore. Not thinking about it makes me antsy, & the second my anxiety spikes it’s hard to do anything during the rest of the day. I don’t want to think about falling in love and having relationships, I miss when I was just living life in the moment. I miss not thinking twice about when I found a guy attractive, or even a girl. Like it just makes my brain hurt so bad.
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