This is going to be a post that talks about sexual OCD, real events, and POCD. People 18 AND OLDER please. I actually have something that bothers me from time to time about OCD. The topic of that is avoidance. Masturbation is a problem for me. Everybody knows what it is, most of us have done it, yet we don't talk about it. Is it avoidance if I choose not to masturbate because of the guilt I feel after? Should I not do it because of the sexual intrusive thoughts that come up? Should I avoid it completely because I don't want to be addicted to it or be deemed a pervert? When I do it, pornography is not only not used, not needed, but not preferred. I don't know if avoiding it will help me or make me feel better about myself. On one hand I want to control my urges but on the other I feel like I'm restricting myself from what's being used as a harmless sexual release. This confuses me a lot. I find myself only doing it so the feelings of arousal, groinals, and urges go away completely but they come back. Is there a way for it to go away long term or should I get used to it?

I spoke with my therapist about intrusivr association ocd thoughts. When i watch porn ocd says the person reminds me of a kid i know or a relative. I told myself repeatedly this is an ocd thougjt its intrusive associations. Multiple times. And i compulsivrly stopped and tried regrounding when the anxiety was too much. My intention was to look at my eofes photo then to look at a woman on pornhub who reminded me of my wife and On the last time i had the intrusive thought of a nephew. I exited the video and went back to my wifes photo and said her name to refocus. Ocd makes me feel guilty flr engaging in sex while having tbat intrusive thought of our nephew and ocd made me doubt “was i thinking of my nephew or was it ocd?” I know its ocd. Its ocd thought number one million. This happens for seven years now when i have sex or watch porn. I know my ocd brain hyperfoxates and worries about grtting intrusivr thoughts during sex so of course ocd is going to semd those intrusivr thougjts sincr my brains hyperworried about it. I know its OCD. I know my intent was to think of my wife and watch the video. Its just engaging in sex while having these intrusive thoughts is very uncomfortable. My therapist said not to stop because its a compulsion. It feels so uncomfortable so i know the intrusive thoughts of the nephew is ego dystonic and the fact inwent back to see my eifes photo and refocsus and say her name repeatedly put lout shows my true intention is to arouse over my wife. I just feel guilty for masterbating while the intrusive thoughts enter my mind. Ocd tries to trick me and say i was thinking of it but i know thats not true. Its my ocd brain hyper worried about getting these intrusive thoughts and them intruding. I often avoid sex and masterbation because of the fear of intruding ocd thoughts so i know its ocd. I cant avoid it or stop. Im doing erp. I recognize its ocd. Yet ocd tries to grt me to ruminate with feelings of guilt ans doubting if its my thoughts or ocd thoughts when i know my intent is to only arouse and think of my wife and i know indont want these thoughts i know its ocd.

Guys I just wanted to hang up and I was looking at pornography every time I was you know do it and I would get bombarded with thoughts I'd get overwhelmed with them like my mind is just constantly thinking of and it was just so hard infuriating I was looking at like anime pornography and Isaw one of the videos that looks familiar I watched it before but I remember they had like a underage anime character and then I clicked off it as soon as I saw them and my mom said oh you clicked it just so you can see that and what makes it worse is like pretty ejaculation already leaked out so now it feels like I did it i didn't even jerk off to you all I did was see the thumbnail and then I have thoughts like saying oh well might as well already get off to it when it wasnt the content I wanted to see I seen that the thumbnail before in the sight I just ignored it was focusing on the video I wanted to see for now I feel like i have to restart everything not only with the overwhelming thoughts but also my thoughts made it feel like I was actively seeking it like if I want my thought it was like oh you knew it was going to be there but u still click it anyway oh yes I had a feeling but as soon as I saw it I clicked off I don't know I'm just overthinking I guess and also like as soon as I saw it like my mind had a urge like might aswell get off to it finish it very hard I don't even remember how I climaxed I don't even know if I did it right but now I feel like I have to restart

(Possible TW; mentions of taboo sexual topics.) Hi, I (22M), have been suffering with OCD for many years now since I was a kid, and I suffer with POCD in particular as one of my main themes. On top of that, since I was young I've also had quite an excessive use of porn, which led to me to watching or reading quite a lot of different taboo porn/hentai and erotica. I engaged with a lot incest content, and when I was younger and going through puberty, I (unfortunately) even looked at a lot of animal hentai/erotica too (most of it being fake obviously, but I did seem some real stuff too which also aroused me. This is another main theme of my OCD, and I should stress that I very much regret, and I haven't interacted with such content for many years, nor have I felt the desire to, and the fact that I ever did makes me feel very disgusted and ashamed of myself). Now, groinal responses are one of the parts which I struggle with most, mainly because the feel incredibly real. Often times, my brain will create these very graphic and detailed sexual thoughts, surrounding whatever taboo theme, (it doesn't matter really; I struggle with pretty much all kinds of themes you can think of lol) and a lot of the times, I try and let the thoughts just pass without freaking out or reacting to them, but it feels like the longer I allow the thoughts to sit in my mind, the higher chance I have of becoming "aroused". For instance, if I have a sexual thought about a close family member, and simply let it happen, it feels like my brain focuses on the taboo aspect of it and tries to make the thoughts seem more detailed, or "erotic", and it causes an intense erection, very similar to how it feels when I look at any kind of "kinky" or taboo porn. Obviously this makes me worry even more, because it makes it feel even more real which only makes me question myself even more. It's like there's a disconnect between my brain and my body, because no matter how horrified of these thoughts I am, and how much I want to avoid any of those topics, my body feels like it's on a different page altogether, and becomes aroused, and sometimes even more intensely than it is with "regular" arousal. Another example is through my years of excessive porn use, I looked at a lot of (again, fictional) incest porn, a lot of which was centered around mother-son relationships. In all honesty, I probably do have a bit of an incest kink, but only between people who AREN'T my real family. I don't fantasise about my own family members, instead I usually just imagine made up, fictional characters. I'm so worried that now I've created an association within my brain between that topic and arousal, because of two reaons; One, I even experience arousal when I see people recalling real events of incest (I should mention that through the posts I've seen, it was all between consenting adults. Not that it makes it necessarily much better, but I thought I should clarify). Even though it seems to arouse me, at least physically, I try to do my best to avoid such content because it just feels wrong given that it's real. Additionally, my brain will throw intrusive thoughts at me of my own real mother, and it feels like it causes this same "taboo arousal" that the porn itself does. I do not want to be aroused or attracted by mother in any way, so this in particular is quite bothersome for me. So my question is, is it possible that over the years of watching different kinds of porn, I've trained my brain to become aroused by "forbiddeness" or taboo aspect, and THAT'S why I feel physical arousal from my intrusive thoughts? It feels like in my mind it makes sense, because as I mentioned before my body seems to react to ANY kind of sexual taboo, even ones I never had any interest in at all (enter POCD). But at the same time, my mind is trying to convince me that I'm just lying to myself to make myself feel better lol. I'm trying to look for reassurance, but I would like to know if anyone has any information on this kind of thing. I'm not currently in therapy as right now I simply don't have the funds for it, but I am working on finding a therapist as soon as possible. I apologise for the long post, and thank you all for any help. :)