Is wanting to purposefully hurt yourself to get out the stress or guilt of doing something incorrectly something anybody else experiences? I would think harm ocd but isn't that just the fear of doing it to other people? So maybe it's my real event. But I don't want to hurt myself, I feel like I have to or problems do not get resolved and I'm in the wrong, no matter how minor it is. I even relapsed with these thoughts because I left food out overnight and my boyfriend got understandably mad. I've seriously been struggling going without traditionial self harm these past few months and it feels like something is missing, and if I do feel some kind of pain it will "go away". It's starting to feel like a ritual but I don't know what it would be. The thought of using a belt to whip myself is getting a lot more intense by the day but I know if I act on it my boyfriend will be able to tell, I'm assuming it would leave marks. I've always been this way before, very submissive in personality and feeling like I need to be punished, even prior to the abusive relationship I was in years ago. Is this actually ocd too or an excuse for my previous addiction to self harm??

That last question was rhetorical by the way. I don't know if it is yet but I haven't addressed it yet becasue I'm pretty ashamed of it. Just want to know if there's anyone like me

I could be wrong but it sounds like you have moral scrupulosity OCD (which are intrusive thoughts where you feel like a bad person or that you're screwing up/doing something wrong) mixed with some form of harm OCD where you have thoughts of self harm. I don't have thoughts of causing myself pain or anything, but I do have similar thoughts because of guilt or stress. Sometimes I have thoughts that it would be better if I wasn't around, or that dying would be a fitting punishment (even though I can't really logically name what I would be "punished" for)

I’m going through this everyday and am struggling to stay alive. Any tips?

@alittleapple Unfortunately no. I really wish I could give you some tips but the only thing that keeps me here most days is that I know it would hurt some people I care about. Maybe therapy and medication could help you if you have that option

The way you describe it is The way you describe it is exactly what it's like, it's just about thinking I'm doing something wrong. Glad to know I'm not completely alone in this. I think it's probably a similar problem to yours, regardless of what the thoughts are they come from guilt of doing something wrong even if it's minor/forgiven/not true, or needing to rid stress immediately

@JohnDoe21 I’m Christian so that’s sort of the only thing and my family as well. But it is really hard. We are not alone though

you can definitely obsess about self harm - that's a big one for me. I felt really validated reading "Harm OCD" by John Hershfield (I'm actually about to read it again lol)