- Username
- Stefanie86
- Date posted
- 2y ago
I feel afraid to be at work or out of the house if he is home because I think he will do it. He says he only does it Occasionally. I asked how often. He said every 2 weeks or every month. He says he doesn’t keep track of it. Could he have agreed to this agreement because he didn’t really do it often to begin with? He said he did it more frequently before we met but still doesn’t know how often or if he has gone without it for months. He has lied to me about his sobriety & going to AA before. The truth eventually came out. I had a feeling about that too & I was right. I keep thinking that this issue I am fearing means I am right too. That maybe we are not compatible & we need to break up. 😞
I do have an issue similar but also not the same? I more worry that I will end up accidentally m*sturbating and it will offend someone? (when I think logically this makes no sense)
I’m sorry to hear your struggle. My obsessions are partner focused on what he does.
@Stefanie86 I hope your situation is able to get better. Have a good day 💕
Rather than going all the way to “maybe we need to break up”, I’m curious what would happen if you explored more about why you’re crushed. Why does your partner choosing to masturbate hurt you or your relationship? I grew up deeply in church and was told it was “wrong” or “adulterous”, but as I grew older I learned that it’s just another facet of human sexuality. It’s not great that he lied about it, but maybe he was embarrassed to talk about it? My partner and I have had to navigate masturbation while living together during COVID, and it was challenging but well worth it. Just my opinion! 💜
Thank you for this. ❤️
I can’t stop being bothered by my boyfriend masturbating. I think it’s because he has a low sex drive and we don’t have sex as often as I’d like, yet he is able to masturbate regularly without issue. Often we will have sex and he doesn’t finish, which I understand and try not to let bother me but with him having such ease with masturbating and watching porn I sometimes wonder if I can’t satisfy him enough. He says that’s not the case and that it’s completely his deal with low sex drive and whatnot. I feel like I’m crazy for being bothered by him masturbating but I can’t help it. It triggers my anxiety and sometimes feels like a slap in the face (he one time left me to go masturbate while I was asleep for an hour and I didn’t find out until I woke up). In that case it felt like he could’ve woken me up or waited for me to wake up if he was in the mood. It just feels like a waste when he rarely gets horny and he was, and I was right there, yet he chose not to initiate sex with me. The other night we were on the phone and we usually talk until we both go to sleep, but he instead told me he was just going to let me go to sleep and he’d talk to me in the morning, not that he too was going to sleep. I know this was because he was going to masturbate and then sleep, but he didn’t want to tell me. Again this made me anxious and led me to go over and over the obsession. In that case we weren’t together, but we used to send each other sexual messages and perhaps photos and that never happens now, so it feels like there’s a disconnect with us sexually and I’m not sure how to feel about it or what exactly is going on if anything is wrong. I’m sure most of this is all normal but as you know, it’s so hard to tell yourself to ignore it. And to top it off I think I’m feeling a bit of cognitive dissonance due to the fact that yes I am human and I too masturbate, so feeling bad about his masturbation really bothers me since I do it too. Maybe it’s the fact that I do it without telling him, because him telling me or alluding to it makes me feel devalued. I’m not sure, but I look forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts. Thanks!
So I've always had an issue about my partners watching porn. I've always felt super uncomfortable with it and just now realized that maybe it has to do with rocd... but then I fight myself on it because I feel like maybe it's just something that I strongly believe in. My current boyfriend thinks I'm crazy for not letting him watch porn. I then caught him watching porn once after he said he wouldn't and I freaked out. I felt really insecure. He said that he would stop doing it but I obsess over it and I check his phone when he's not looking. I also obsess over if he is talking to other girls. And then when I don't find anything, i tell myself that he has just gotten better at hiding stuff.
Has anyone else experienced a huge fear of being cheated on & then obsessing over if it is a gut feeling or that little voice in your head that comes along with OCD that just won’t shut up?? Something as simple as finding one of my in-laws shirts that has been used as a rag & covered in oil/ grease in my partners vehicle has sent me spiraling down a hole of “what if” it belongs to another girl, or a girl he’s slept with in the past? Did he cheat on me? Is he lying to me? Although I know the logical answer I still can’t stop asking for reassurance. He’s treated me well and there hasn’t been any indication of him even wanting to cheat. In return I just get mad at the reassurance because “what if” he is lying? I’m frustrated with myself and struggling. This is causing such a strain on my life and in my relationship. Any advice would help.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond