I get major suicidal thoughts when I think my OCD thoughts are real. I don't know how to cope with the fear of knowing that they are because I really don't think I could live with myself if they were true

The trick to beating ocd is accepting that they might be true. If you are feeling suicidal please seek professional help. Know though that you can overcome this disorder. Suicidal thoughts have been a major ocd theme for me for a long time. I try to just say things like "maybe i do want to kill myself". Its not easy and I still go on runaway mental rumination about it but you can learn to manage it.

But I appreciate everyone's support. This app and community has been a life saver for me (as I've never met anyone else that has OCD in my life).

I have this too... sometimes im like ... do I want to die?? Or am I going to black out and hurt myself

Yep

Thanks @phisch I am seeking professional help. I guess that can be an effective method on beating OCD depending on your theme, but in my case it doesn't work. My OCD has to do with false memories and believing that I've cheated on my partner. So if I accept that these thoughts might be true I'm accepting the fact that I'm a monster who doesn't deserve to be with my partner.

Yep, I can relate :/ It’s not a constant theme for me, but sometimes I obsess over whether or not in the future I might become a murderer or lose my mind and hurt someone, and I can become pretty suicidal bc I’d rather me die than lose control of myself and hurt someone else. Also, depression is a pain in the butt, and sometimes just tells you you deserve or need to die anyway, so the two combined are just loads of fun lol But keep coming on here for support:) We’re in this together, and no matter how real it seems, we are the only things that are real. OCD is - and forever will be - an intangible liar, incapable of reproducing our fears in reality. WOW just as I was typing that last sentence, I thought “but maybe it could??” Oh joy?

@Maureen - do you truly believe that if you cheated on your partner that you are a monster?

Yes I do. I love him more then I've ever loved anyone in my life, and even though he's so supportive either everything I'm going through before any of this started early on in our relationship he told me that he saw himself marrying me one day and I was the one, and the only thing that would ever break us up is if we cheated on each other. I also used to have Harm OCD, so feeling like I'm a monster capable of hurting people is a constant theme for me.

And deserve to die? If that’s an OCD thought, then maybe you could try to do an exposure. But if it’s a you thought - know that you deserve to live, even if you cheated in your partner a hundred times. Sure, you’d be a really lousy spouse, but you and your life would still have value. Maybe being with your partner wouldn’t be in the cards, but you could rescue an animal from a kill shelter, you might become friends with someone just when they were thinking of ending it all themselves, maybe you’d compliment someone just when they needed it most. Just because you make big mistakes doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of enormous compassion and deserving of joy❤️

I don't want to live without him. I've been afraid from day one of losing him. Now that OCD has relapsed I'm terrified of what is real and what's just OCD/false memories, and the uncertainty is driving me to intense guilt and insanity. And even though I know you are right Devon (because I'd tell anyone else the same thing) it's hard to accept and apply it to myself. Thank you for the support though ❤️

Oh boy do I know it:( I so often discount sage advice I know to be true when it comes to my own life. Although cheating on your partner and murdering someone are two very different things. So I can’t apply the same logic to my obsession. Bc if I did kill someone in the future, I would be a monster:( Ah, OCD, what’re you doing messing w all of our heads?