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Username: Melody2022

Date posted: 2y ago

I hate this

I swear ever since going through this, my mind comes up with the most dysfunctional scenarios and what if thoughts that I know if I was in a normal mind frame that it would bother me, but it bothers me knowing that it doesn’t bother me as much as it should. I feel so numb, and I feel like I’m morphing into a bad person when I haven’t done anything wrong. It feels so real and it really makes me question who I am. Anyone gojng through this right now?

Harm OCD

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

Me!

Username: Melody2022Melody2022

Date posted: 2y ago

@Catlove9 Sorry to hear that

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Melody2022 It sucks. It feels like my whole identity is changing.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

Meee!! Like I’m so scared that I’m not as anxious towards my thoughts. And my thoughts are sooo gruesome and detailed (Dahmer). Like it freaks me out knowing how I’m reacting to them. Like i breathe heavy and I’m constantly shaking my hands and saying the word no but it’s still not as much anxiety as i was feeling in the beginning before the thoughts go so gruesome. Like i truly am questioning who i am because it just feels so real :(

Username: Melody2022Melody2022

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 Totally feel you, literally as we are speaking I literally had a thought like, what if I were to just poison someone’s drink like dahmer and hold them hostage, and my brain thought, why not take a step bigger and go on the internet and do research. It’s so ridiculous because I’ve never ever thought this way in my life. Like who am I right now.. I just tell myself it’s not real and to not let the ocd control me. I feel not much when I get thoughts like that too, I just acknowledge well that’s a bit concerning

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Melody2022 The dahmer stuff is killing me. I had to do an exposure today in therapy where I watched an interview with him. And he kept saying the words obsession and compulsion and how he tried overcoming his desires but couldn’t. It freaked me out so bad. But I guess that’s why it was an exposure.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Melody2022 I’m so sorry you are going through this but I’m glad I’m not alone. I just keep comparing how i was feeling 2 months ago to how i am feeling now and it’s like no comparison. I just can’t believe how these thoughts have completely derailed me. I have never had thoughts like these before and then boom here they are your life is ruined. And at first they were true harm intrusive thoughts and now they are questioning myself thoughts while mixed in with harm. I’m so new to this therefore I’m not in therapy and have never been truly diagnosed which makes it that much more scary.

Username: Melody2022Melody2022

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 Exact same here, mine were thoughts about harming family and now it’s like any dysfunctional scenario my brain can find. I’m just completely numb and desensitized to them.

Username: Melody2022Melody2022

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 I also am not diagnosed but I definitely have it, like this isn’t normal for me. Before this I was literally the complete opposite.

Username: Melody2022Melody2022

Date posted: 2y ago

@Catlove9 Ugh didn’t need to know this information but it isn’t a desire for any of us, if anything it’s a false desire. The question I have is how that fucked up stuff came a “desire” of his in the first place. That’s horrible, it makes me wonder why bad people are even in this world

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Melody2022 Yes exactly i am not diagnosed but i know that this isn’t normal for me because i too was the complete opposite. I just cant believe what had transpired within the last month or 2. I feel like I’ve always had a slight case of ocd but it has never gotten as bad as it is now so that’s why I’m struggling so hard.

Username: Melody2022Melody2022

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 lol same here, I’ve always suspected I had something and I think changes and stress in my life morphed into this big ocd thing and now it’s been flaring up like crazy

Username: JesseBearJesseBear

Date posted: 2y ago

I'm so happy to be reading this from you all, because as of right now. These are not my thoughts and two months ago, I was a happy, loving, "normal," person and now it's like my brain became a freaking bully. The Dahmer stuff scared the living daylights out of me and it's funny, because I made my mom and I hot chocolate and then boom, the Dahmer thought came up of I could drug the hot chocolate but it didn't phase me. Ocd is so very scary and feels so real. We are all on this road together! Have faith. Recovery is scary without anxiety, but ERP helps a lot.

Username: Naeun

Date posted: 6y ago

I feel so weird these days. Like I feel blank empty person with no emotions. I mean i still do get anxiety here and there but like no emotions or guilt. I see scary movies and feel no reaction, I imagine hurting other and don’t feel any guilt more like the idgaf typa feeling, before I would be in mental torture crying and depressed about being scared I was a serial killer. I would break down but no I feel urges still by no anxiety or anything. I feel mental and crazy. I would be so excited to wear makeup and excited about impressing guys and dating, but now they don’t seem real to me. Before I would care about OCD and now I’m more like idgaf anymore or what I do. What is going on ?! Am I the only one experiencing this.?

Username: BetterDays

Date posted: 2y ago

Does anyone especially with harm ocd feel like they are their thoughts and want to do these things? Like no matter how hard I try and even during my therapy session I get the constant, “what if this isn’t OCD?”, “you like these thoughts”, “your a bad person”, “your going to act on these thoughts.” It gotten to the point where it feels like I’m actually this person and that I have changed into an evil person and it’s so scary cause it’s gotten to the point where it feels like I’m never going to get my life back and that’s saddening. I’ve never had a violent history never hurt anyone or anything but I don’t know why it feels like I am.

Username: OCDSurvivor123

Date posted: 37w ago

Numb

Is it normal to go numb to thoughts? I’ve been struggling for 3 months with intense fear and all of a sudden I am not anymore. While this may seem like healing, I’m incredibly worried I’m not scared anymore. I know that’s crazy. It’s causing me to be scared that the thoughts are mine because I’m not reacting to them.

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