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Username: TPD

Date posted: 1y ago

I worry that OCD is making me immoral

I’ve always been a huge feminist, anti-racist, anti-sexual assaulters, etc. Basically against everybody anti-human rights. But because my OCD has been trying to convince me that I’m a sexual assaulter, a pedophile, racist, etc. (basically everything that goes against my morals), it also tries to tell me that I should sympathize with people I used to be against. Sometimes I’ll read about, say, teens committing sexual assault, and in the past I would have firmly said “they need to be punished”, whereas now I think “well, what if they didn’t know better? I made a mistake when I was a teen; what if they thought it was okay?” I never say these out loud because I dont want to make real victims feel bad, obviously. And if I hear someone has been racist, I’ll think, “What if they’re like me?” I still believe we need to eradicate sexual assault, racism, homophobia, etc, but I can’t help but think I’m a part of the problem, so sometimes I find myself sympathizing with “bad people”. It’s really messing my mind up. I don’t know what to think. Does anyone feel the same way or have any tips?

Username: Mau NLMau NL

Date posted: 1y ago

Ocd is an ego-dystonic disease, meaning that it gives you intrusions about what you absolutely do not want, and goes against your values diametrically. Maybe it helps you a bit to know this? You have internalized those values so deeply, that your alarm system went into overdrive warning you in a stupid way what you absolutely do not want. This actually means that you have very pure values. Hang in there, your intrusions are actually telling you that you are a beautiful human being with your heart at the right spot.

Username: TPDTPD

Date posted: 1y ago

@Mau NL This does help, actually, thank you. I knew this realistically but it’s relieving to know that other people think I’m at least somewhat of a good person. Thank you ❤️

Username: peaceandluv peaceandluv

Date posted: 1y ago

same, it’s horrible

Username: TPDTPD

Date posted: 1y ago

@peaceandluv I’m sorry ❤️ hope things get better

Username: 123g123g

Date posted: 16w ago

Same. I struggle with this too. I know those things are very immoral and terrible and I can’t stand people who do those things but then my I intrusive thoughts tell me that I could potentially be as bad as those kind of people so I think I should be more empathetic to them and then I feel bad because people like that don’t deserve empathy. You’re not alone.

Username: Worry24Worry24

Date posted: 1y ago

I deal with very similar themes and it’s really, really tough. I totally understand where you’re coming from :(

Username: TPDTPD

Date posted: 1y ago

@Worry24 I’m sorry :/ it’s really touch to feel like the foundation of your morals are getting eradicated. I hope things get better ❤️

Username: Ocd9239Ocd9239

Date posted: 1y ago

Yes, I've been struggling w the same thing too:(

Username: TPDTPD

Date posted: 1y ago

@05kuromi_ I hope it all works out for you ❤️ I’m sorry you’ve been struggling

Username: Ocd9239Ocd9239

Date posted: 1y ago

@TPD Right back at you❤

Username: LalilolouLalilolou

Date posted: 1y ago

I feel the same way!! I struggle with real event false memory ocd over my “exploration” as a kid, and I keep panicking that I affected others. My brain also tells me similar things😭 the thing is I know that for the last decade and more I have been as morally perfect as I could possibly be, always trying to do the right thing, never hurting a soul. My ocd has made me feel like I’m an abuser and a bad person, when I KNOW that I’m not and I used to be so grounded in the “goodness” that exists in me! But I definitely feel like I have become so much more empathetic towards people who have done bad things, especially as people who are younger and have room to learn and grow. I certainly have learnt and grown from my experiences

Username: LalilolouLalilolou

Date posted: 1y ago

@Lalilolou That being said, although I have moral issues with always reasoning for these “bad people” I do think it’s a positive change because we are teult those people who care about all HUMANS. We’re so much more accepting of others despite their mistakes and bad decisions. At this point I’m the person you could talk to about anything, who would actually empathize with you even if the rest of the world wouldn’t, and I think that’s pretty special! Although many mistakes and acts are seen as unforgivable, I do believe that people can rehabilitate and grow- especially if they feel guilt and remorse, and in those situations I feel all the more empathetic towards them

Username: TPDTPD

Date posted: 1y ago

@Lalilolou Oh my god, the exploration theme!!! I had the same for so, so long, at least four years. I’ve only now managed to “get over” it, but I’ve moved onto other themes, sigh. I hope things get better. ❤️ And I love how positive your outlook is. I agree, I am definitely more sympathetic than I used to be. I think that’s a strength of its own. While I don’t support abuse of any kind, and everyone can choose to forgive or not to forgive anyone, I also believe rehabilitation is possible. (Obviously this does not mean society has to accept them; just that they can become a better person if they make the effort.) Thank you for sympathizing with me!

Username: Ocd9239Ocd9239

Date posted: 1y ago

I try to be a decent person, but I feel like I've said something that will make others look at me differently, especially on social media. I wish I stayed off of it, cuz then I don't think I would stay stuck thinking abt this😞

Username: LalilolouLalilolou

Date posted: 1y ago

@TPD How did you get over it😂😭😭

Username: TPDTPD

Date posted: 1y ago

@Lalilolou It’s a long, long process. I used ERP obviously—I would search up stories of child abuse and expose myself to them, allowing the feelings in and out without interacting with them. I also kept talking to my therapist, who helped me work through my emotions without confirming or denying whether or not I’m a bad person. But mainly I practiced self acceptance. I would tell myself repeatedly “you did what you knew”. I know myself; if I thought it was bad, I wouldn’t do it. You were a CHILD, as was I. Just remember that as long as you’ve moved forward and become a better person, it doesn’t matter. OCD will try to tell you that a childhood mistake defines you, so YOU must remind yourself it doesn’t. I know this probably isn’t anything you haven’t thought of yet, but I promise things will get better. And feel free to vent if that makes you feel better (without seeking reassurance!!!). We’re all here for you, especially me: I know the pain of the childhood exploration theme. I hope things all work out well. 💕

Username: TPDTPD

Date posted: 1y ago

@05kuromi_ I know what you mean, lol. Social media is great but GOD people are so judgmental there. Sometimes it’s deserved; certainly I’m glad people are pretty adamantly against racism, sexism, homophobia, sexual abuse, etc. But sometimes I think they forget children are children, and people are people—we make mistakes. I’d suggest staying off social media for a while and then slowly re-exposing yourself to it, if you so like. I go on it regularly now and when I see something that triggers me, I take a couple deep breaths and continue. Hope all goes well!

Username: Ocd9239Ocd9239

Date posted: 1y ago

@TPD I definitely agree with you!! People expect a lot of people to not make mistakes as a kid on the internet if that makes sense

Username: TPDTPD

Date posted: 1y ago

@05kuromi_ Yup. A lot of the time it’s because they personally didn’t make that mistake, which is funny because I’ve likely not made the same mistakes they have. I don’t know. It’s best to just ignore them.

Username: LalilolouLalilolou

Date posted: 1y ago

@TPD The acceptance part is so so difficult for me because I can’t physically accept having done something bad in that way. I am so certain of my intentions and I know they were just curiosity and play but my actions still may have affected others, and the grey area around the situation plus all the blurry memories don’t help at all:/

Username: TwistedLogicTwistedLogic

Date posted: 20w ago

Feeling empathy or sympathy is not the same as saying what they did is OK.

Username: T.

Date posted: 5y ago

I feel like my head is so messed up. I tell myself, you wouldn't do the things you think about and fear, you have morals. But then I question if my morals are strong enough? Or if my morals have changed at all? I never used to question things like this until my ocd really flared up in the beginning of September, and it's sort of been hell since. Questioning myself, questioning my morals, questioning my intentions, feelings, everything. My main obsession right now is if I find the thoughts enjoyable or not. I feel constantly uncomfortable, uneasy, and anxious. Whenever I see kids in real life I feel fine, I know I'm not attracted to them. But when I'm in my head and the thoughts pop up I question everything and worry that I enjoy them, even though I don't feel bad about kids for the most part in real life? The thoughts are never usually even explicit, it's just like, do you see children in a sexual i ed way? Did you imagine that child in a sexual used way? And I bounce back and forth between being like "no, I'm fine, I know I'm not a pedophile, I find the thought of pedophilia disgusting," and "constant anxiety worrying that I am one and that I only feel anxiety all the time because deep down I know I'm a bad person." Does anyone else share any experiences similar to mine or have any words of wisdom?

Username: MJocd

Date posted: 4y ago

I believe I have moral OCD and I reassurance seek about things because my brain genuinely cannot recognise if I should be upset/worried/ashamed about something or not. My brain just gets locked on one thought and cant get any real perspective. I read a post today on a OCD support group on fb where someone said "bad people often want reassurance to make them feel better about who they are/what they have done and get this reassurance online from people who dont know the full story about them". And it really triggered me because it made me think, am I not a good person? Is this really OCD? what if it's not and I am doing exactly what that person said? And that was so scary to me. I dont think I'm a bad person, I'll admit to making mistakes in the past like every other human on the planet but my intentions were never bad ones. And then I feel scared for even worrying about what that person said bc why would I worry after reading that? I feel like my brain just cant distinguish from reality and the reality that its created and its terrifying.

Username: canigetawitness

Date posted: 3y ago

Convinced I'm a racist, even though it's the complete opposite of my morals & what I believe. - - - - - - I've currently been struggling with something that is going to make me sound like a piece of shit, even I recognize how messed up it's going to sound. Over the past couple months, I have been worrying about the proper way to interact with POC without coming across as racist. I know, this is already awful. I consider myself to be an ally who supports POC & civil rights movements. I'm ashamed of white people honestly, we've oppressed POC from the beginning of time. I'm personally ashamed of my white ethnicity. I've been even more so in the past year. I feel like my OCD has recently attached to this though. At least, I think it has, or maybe it's guilt knowing I'm white and part of systemic racism problem as a whole. When I pass a POC on the street, or in a place of business, I'll immediately start to get thoughts like "Am I coming across as rude? Am I being nice enough? Am I being too nice? Am I smiling too much? Am I smiling enough? Do I look uncomfortable? This isn't about me, so why am I anxious? Stop being so self centered. Are you appearing racist? What if this POC thinks I'm racist? That's awful to assume what they think. Stop making this about you!" And basically the entire time I'm trying to interact with someone of color, I have all this anxious dialogue in my head and I probably physically appear to be anxious, which in turn I'm sure the other person thinks "Why are they acting so tense/afraid?" It's not that I'm afraid, or dislike POC, I'm way too overly cautious, I recognize that, and it's actually coming across as racist. And I don't want to make this about me, because it's not, I can only imagine the racism POC have to endure on a daily basis. It's like my own OCD/anxiety is getting in the way. I hate it. I want to get over it. I don't know why it's coming up, but I want to get past this.

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