Why Can’t I Get Over Disagreements?

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year now. We have a difference where he doesn’t really like talking about gossip or people but I feel the need to vent a lot. I’ve told him a few times that I’d like it if I could vent to him without him offering some sort of advice or solution and sometimes he does this but other times he does not. I find it really annoying and then I get mad that he doesn’t just let me talk without trying to help. I used to be the same way as him and I know that it takes time to not be this way so I don’t know why I get so upset when he gives me advice. I feel like it means he thinks I shouldn’t be upset and that he doesn’t care about what I’m talking about. The problem here is that I let it ruin my mood for hours and I will think about it for hours. I’ll think that I’ll always be upset at him and I’ll never be able to tell him anything and that he never lets me talk about things. How can I get this under control? I know it’s fine to want to feel heard, the problem lies in the fact that after we discuss that I wanted to vent and he apologizes I’m stuck thinking about this relatively minor annoyance for hours and hours.

Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Sounds like OCD. Also I find I need to pick and choose who I talk to about things. Some people give advice, some people listen and some people distract. So I have to choose which person I want to talk to about it otherwise I get frustrated.

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

@Honeyshark I agree and I just read a very helpful article that says venting, although it feels good in the moment may not be as helpful as you think. I also want to say that I have been venting to him about my roommate situation all week and he’s on vacation so I can definitely understand why maybe he’s not as interested right now on top of the fact that venting isn’t his cup of tea. Here’s the article if you want to check it out: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/does_venting_your_feelings_actually_help#:~:text=While%20letting%20your%20negative%20emotions,worse%20in%20the%20long%20run.&text=We%20all%20get%20upset%20from,of%20us%20more%20than%20others

KittyBuff

Date posted: 1y ago

Have you trued journaling? I like to write my thoughts & feelings. I’ll list options if it’s a situation that needs action.

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

@KittyBuff I will try and get back into it. I was very diligent at first but I fell off of my consistency when I started feeling better.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 18w ago

I’m sick of confessing, advice please

I don’t know how to stop confessing. It’s driving me insane. I confess every little thing to my boyfriend. I confessed that I liked attention (this is so obviously human), that I liked it when people found me pretty (also very human??) I confessed about a million other things and I feel out of control. I felt so safe with him last night that it just started pouring out of me. I felt guilty and awful and I just needed release, I couldn’t breathe I felt like I was dying. I’m stuck in a confessing loop and I know I’m only making things worse. Has anyone experienced this and been able to overcome it? It feels absolutely horrible and impossible. I tried to ERP this and I genuinely feel like I am suffocating if I hold off. I feel so disappointed in myself, but I can’t seem to stop. I even had a dream where I confessed to him and woke up needed to confess that. I’m scared I’ll start sharing my worst intrusive thoughts I’ve had if I feel too safe around my bf. Help please :(

ashleynicoleeee

Date posted: 12w ago

Does anyone else experience this in their relationship?

When my boyfriend and I are apart, it honestly feels like I've lost all feelings for him. I start questioning everything, wondering if I even love him at all. Then, when we're finally together again, the memory of those earlier doubts creeps in and completely ruins the moment. I get so caught up in overthinking and analyzing my feelings that I can't even enjoy being with him. It's like I'm constantly second-guessing myself. The worst part is, sometimes later, when we're still together, I do feel the love. But then the anxiety kicks in again! I start worrying that I'm just faking it because I had those doubts earlier in the day. It's this endless cycle of questioning, doubting, and overthinking, and it's exhausting. I'm really struggling to stay present when we're together, and it feels like this constant cycle is preventing me from truly connecting with him. We have been together for three years and we love together, and I just started feeling this way about a month ago; it’s been almost every day since. One day, I randomly thought about breaking up with him. Our relationship is healthy, especially compared to my previous toxic one, where I was anxiously attached for two and a half years. My boyfriend is very supportive of me. I have talked to him about my doubts and everything I’m experiencing, and he continues to support, care for, and help me through it all. I am very grateful for that. One aspect of my current relationship that I would like to improve is our communication, but we are both willing to work on it together. I often find that my overthinking leads me to question whether I really want to try to fix things or if I’d rather just continue as we are. This creates a constant push and pull in our relationship. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Any advice on how to break this cycle and just be present in the moment? I'd love to hear from anyone who's been through something like this.

clair_m88

Date posted: 11w ago

ROCD & friends

Hi everyone☀️ has anyone ever vented to a friend without knowing it is a compulsion? Meaning like you believe the thoughts so much in your head you vent to them and they agree with you? Which then fuels your obsessions about your relationship even more? I have really done that less lately the more I have learned about my ROCD, but wanted to know if anyone else experiences this? It’s so hard when we think we are just venting and then someone agrees or goes along with the obsession because they don’t understand the OCD..which then fuels my ROCD 😭 idk if I’m making sense lol hopefully someone understands

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Why Can’t I Get Over Disagreements?

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