SO-OCD memories

Lately my SO-OCD latches on to the things I did or paid attention to as a child. I don’t remember having a celebrity crush until I was like 11 or 12 and I was kind of choosey about it. I was super boy crazy for boys I knew and boys my age, but my brain ignores that a lot. It also latches on to how as I child I paid a lot of attention to women in movies more, especially how their bodies looked. I always wanted boobs, so I have memories of times where I was hyperfixating on chests in movies and the media and my OCD is telling me it was because it turned me on a kid. Makes me feel weird and confused. I struggled with this theme as a young child, and didn’t struggle with it until the beginning of this year and it’s been hard to shake. If anyone feels similarly I’d like to hear what your childhood experience with this is like, or at the very least bring some more awareness to how this theme can mess with your head and make you question your memories.

Username: IwillconcureOCDIwillconcureOCD

Date posted: 1y ago

Your not alone! Have suffered with the exact same experience!

Username: aesvantes aesvantes

Date posted: 1y ago

Me too! I’ve always been really boy crazy and before the theme I never even thought of being involved with a woman. Somehow my brain is always “scavenger hunting” and trying to unearth memories that may “prove” my theme. It’s always ruminating about a p*rn video i might have watched or even if me being a fan of a model when i was a teenager means something. Anyway my head is always trying to find patterns, even though i know i’ve never had any desire to engage in anything my ocd says

Username: gp gp

Date posted: 1y ago

@aesvantes Scavenger hunt is such a good way to say it. My brain will look at ANYTHING to prove it correct. Which in turn, makes you feel like it must be real.

Username: blazedblazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I always knew I liked guys, but around the age of 12/13 I started questioning if I was bi bc this was a topic of conversation among my friends at the time- so naturally, I was just curious. At 15, I became friends with a girl at my school who was queer, and we flirted with each other but idk if I was into it or not. But a few months after meeting her I got into a relationship with my (now ex) boyfriend who I really liked a lot. All of this happened years before SOOCD hit so it never really bothered me until now. My OCD brings up my past and it makes me sick sometimes. However, I know that my past experiences don’t define me today, but it’s just hard to let go of yk?

Username: gp gp

Date posted: 1y ago

@blazed Truth. I think it’s hard because it feels real. Like the ‘evidence’ your brain points out seems and feels real. Like facts. This is by far the hardest part of this disorder for me. Thoughts are not facts. Feelings are not facts. But ocd doesn’t make those statements easy to genuinely grasp or agree with.

Username: IwillconcureOCDIwillconcureOCD

Date posted: 1y ago

Haha no worries, same here!

Username: shopgirlshopgirl

Date posted: 1y ago

There are a lot of grammatical errors in this 😂 I do know English, it’s just been a hard brain day!

Username: deputydean

Date posted: 5y ago

Question for you guys, Those of you who suffer from HOCD or POCD and have vivid memories that contradict who you feel you are, how do you manage those memories? I had an OCD/anxiety attack that clinged on to the memories around me being curious after being bullied in school. My OCD keeps telling me that I enjoyed those experiences more than I should have. Even though it ended in tears and me knowing that that's not who I am, my OCD keeps telling me that it's an indication of my being gay or bi. I realize that some of those memories may be fake, but in the scope of acceptance of uncertainty let's assume that everything is right. My therapist tried to calm me down by saying that this is really normal and expected in young children and that it has nothing to do with who we are, especially since I was interested in girls and always fantasized about chased after them from a very young age.

Username: figuringital...

Date posted: 4y ago

Been ruminating a lot on the fact that the groinal responses that I got that caused my OCD all happened with kids of the same gender, that’s been terrifying me lately. It’s making it feel more real ya know? That if it was just OCD/intrusive thoughts it would be gender specific. Have any of you guys had anything like this, where the same type of kid caused your OCD to start?

POCD

Username: Scooterino

Date posted: 2y ago

Undiagnosed SO OCD since childhood?

I'm starting to believe I have had SOOCD since childhood. I remember having thoughts since as early as 7 that felt bad and wrong and made me sad and worried. Thoughts of being bisexual or lesbian still make me so unhappy and uncomfortable, but they also feel so deeply ingrained in me that I have a hard time knowing what my sexuality is. I felt forced to accept the fact that I was bisexual when I was an adult, even though it made me sad, but is that even true? Is dealing with this since childhood really just denial? Am I just gay? Or is ALL of it a lie and I'm straight? Maybe I'm asexual, and am not attracted to anyone? I can't sort it out in my head, my heart is breaking- my wonderful fiance has been so careful and kind as I process what is going on. Now the idea of having sex or attraction to ANYONE of any gender makes me panic and cry. He is so patient, but he doesn't deserve this, he deserves better than my panic attacks and doubt. Has anyone else had a theme since childhood? How have you sorted what IS real from what is NOT real, now that you know you have OCD?

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