- Date posted
- 1y
i hate myself
i hate myself so much and i wish i was different. i know why people don't like me. i wish i could just change everything about myself. i should just leave everyone alone.
i hate myself so much and i wish i was different. i know why people don't like me. i wish i could just change everything about myself. i should just leave everyone alone.
a wise man once said if you live life without any enemies, you must be doing something wrong. Knowing why people hate you doesnt change anything. You can be the nicest person on earth and someone will find a way to hate you as much. Be free
@ErickPham but im not the nicest person on earth, im such a shitty person
Jesus loves you for you. There is nothing you need to change for people all you do is love them. If they don’t like you thats their problem :)
Struggling with OCD is hard work, be kind to yourself. As you practice allowing uncertainty and doing value driven behaviors, you will start to feel better. It’s important that you realize OCD brings with it many feelings, including how you feel about yourself. However, these feelings are being driven by your OCD and they are not true. This may help https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/the-importance-of-self-compassion-when-you-have-ocd. Take care.
I often think this too. I don’t care if anyone hates me, as OCD has caused me to be bitter and I already dislike everyone until they’re proven they’re likable (ik. Not healthy) but I wish my brain was different too. I constantly wonder why me and try my hardest to stay positive and not let OCD take over. I think you should start slowly teaching yourself self compassion. Do things you like, if you find yourself beating yourself up about something, try saying to yourself “hey it’s ok”. Little by little
This is just a vent. Feels nice to just be honest about who I am and my deficiencies. Mental health advocates are always like "you deserve to live no matter what" and I'm like "bet lol" I am not a good person whose presence has any positive impact on the world. I'm not evil, just useless without having the excuse of depression or whatever (it's anxiety based but again who gives a shit). If I were to go away, I wouldn't be missed because I contribute nothing of note. If we did not live in the US where you can get by without being socially accepted as long as you have loving parents, I would either be dead or would have stepped up and might actually be a valuable member of society (like between being dead and pushing through my anxiety I would probably choose the latter lol). Interpersonally, I have no redeeming qualities. No I'm not one of those people who says that shit and then lists all the ways they're actually decent but just have low self-esteem, I'm genuinely useless. I'm unreliable when it comes to group projects and my job, usually doing the bare minimum or less than that. When it comes to my work in general, I tend to drop the ball, often waiting till the last minute to get started on it, turning it in late, or simply not turning it in at all. I make promises about the things I will do and then don't do them. I also lack initiative and just follow orders. Socially, I don't have any friends and don't make an effort to try to gain any - I tend to act distant in social interactions and don't join in when people are having group conversations. I'm a talented artist, but the only work I've ever shown others in the last few years has been shoddy, amateurish, and completely unreflective of my abilities, and I've never been complimented for it lol. How do I feel about all this? Pretty freaking bad, yet I make no effort to change. I'm afraid of most things so I avoid them, screwing up my own life and negatively affecting other people's as well. Despite all this, I have this desire to be accepted by someone else as I am. The fact that I accept myself shows that it's possible, I guess (you could argue that I don't have a choice but I definitely chose to be okay with myself after years of self-loathing). I have a shit-ton of flaws and nothing to really offset them - I mean I'm self-aware but I think self-awareness is completely useless if you don't do anything about what you've observed in yourself, and less self-aware people are able to take more risks - and I just have this fantasy of someone showing up and looking at all that I am and being like "you have contributed literally nothing to society and you have no redeeming qualities but I accept you as you are and love you, for no reason other than I just do." But based on the comics I've read this can only happen if you're childhood friends who've known each other for a long time lol. No reason someone's gonna want to be friends with some random person who leaves a poor first impression and doesn't do anything to further the relationship. The plus side of this is that I have a /lot/ of room for growth, lots of things to change that could make me a better person. The negative side is that it is still just as hard to not be avoidant af as it was yesterday
Sometimes I feel like an overwhelmed anger that I get angry at people who did nothing to me and I feel so bad for it I really don't wNt to be that person I try my best to me nice to people because I know that everyone is going thru something But my anger is not pure anger it comes from from being so depressed and hopeless and to the people I hurt I wish I could apologize they don't deserve that But iam so scared of the person that iam becoming Sometimes I truly I wish I could end it all but my dad don't want that I don't know why it's not iam like their favorite I want to leave because if I stay I will only bring harm to people and I don't want that I feel like my purpose in life is over and there is nothing else I could offer
i’m so tired of everything i can’t take the ocd on top of school life no friends no love never will find good love. i can’t be out publicly i’ll never be in the right body i’ll never be happy and stable i just want to dissapear. I will never escape my ocd and my gender. i can’t do this my entire life.
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