i hate myself

Sometimes I feel like an overwhelmed anger that I get angry at people who did nothing to me and I feel so bad for it I really don't wNt to be that person I try my best to me nice to people because I know that everyone is going thru something But my anger is not pure anger it comes from from being so depressed and hopeless and to the people I hurt I wish I could apologize they don't deserve that But iam so scared of the person that iam becoming Sometimes I truly I wish I could end it all but my dad don't want that I don't know why it's not iam like their favorite I want to leave because if I stay I will only bring harm to people and I don't want that I feel like my purpose in life is over and there is nothing else I could offer

everyone hates us. everyone is moving on without us and we're being led by a lunatic and we're going to suffer the consequences of his irresponsibility while he's still just fucking fine. i hate it. i hate him. no one likes us, no one likes *me*, no one wants me because im useless. im garbage. why *would* any other country take me? i just want out. i just want it to be over. i feel like im cursed

i feel depressed. i’m so tired of living with constant guilt, fear, and pain. i feel so lost and lifeless. i feel like i’m not living for myself anymore. i'm so done with my life. i really hate myself. it’s all my fault. everything that goes wrong and everything that keeps happening to me is all my fault. i feel sorry for the people who have me in their lives. they don’t deserve someone like me. this world doesn’t deserve a person like me. i can’t do this anymore. every night, i keep crying. i just don’t want to wake up the next morning, yet i keep waking up. for me, another day is another suffering. i hate myself so much. i don’t deserve anything good. i hate my really bad and dark thoughts, and i can’t tell whether they are truly mine or not. the guilt is eating me alive, and i feel hopeless and undeserving of forgiveness. my family doesn’t know about my struggles, and i don’t want them to. i don’t want to be a burden or make them feel like they failed as parents. i don’t want to make their lives any harder. i just hate my religious ocd. sometimes i think i’m just making it an excuse. i feel sorry for God and Jesus for being this kind of person. i wish i wasn’t born into this world. i can’t continue living like this. i feel like i’m going insane. i’m just accepting that i’m horrible, and that all those bad thoughts are mine. that i'm disrespectful and a terrible person. i'm not suicidal. i’m just so tired of living like this. i'm not expecting happiness or anything good because i don’t deserve any of it. i feel like a disgusting person. i hate that someone like me still has the courage to show up every day around other people. i deserve all the pain and to drown in it. i just want to vent about what i really feel right now because it feels so heavy and unbearable. i don’t want to make others’ lives miserable or hurt God anymore.