Alone

I started feeling better, more calm and relaxed but then I remembered that I’m literally heartbroken and single and I went back to feeling like shit again, all the anxiety came storming back. Why does it have to be this way, I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.

Its been like 3 weeks of school and its just been really difficult and stressful 😭 ive had two tests and i havent gotten them back yet but i have a feeling i didnt do as well as i wanted to on either of them and that scares me because i usually score perfectly and well. And my classmates are so good at everything 😭 and ik this is kinda bad but i hate seeing people do better in things im supposed to be good at… like math is one of my strongest subjects but i messed up on a few questions so bad and i feel so stupid and now im scared that im gonna be like this for the rest of the semester 😞 it scares me. Plus all my classmates talk to me sometimes and all and i be as nice as possible but i still feel invisible- even with friends i just feel like im bothering them and i feel like im just alone and have no one to talk to bc either no one cares or i feel like burden and annoying and unlovable 💀

I’m having a bad episode right now and I’m feeling so depressed and I’m crying like a baby because I’m thinking that if my mom knew the reasons I’m like this she would hate me and what would I ever do without my mom. I’m feeling so alone. I just need my mom but I know I can’t open up to her. Like even if I’m this horrible person my mom would despise me too? I can’t handle that someone please help.