made a joke about my intrusive thoughts

my therapist suggested that some of my less bad rocd intrusive thoughts are actually mine, and not intrusive. She ended up taking it back when she saw the alarm on my face and saw how panicked I got. I feel really freaking anxious. We were only talking about it because I mentioned a lot of doubt surrounding those less bad ones, but it only filled me with more doubt. I don’t want those thoughts to be mine. I really don’t. I feel scared and so discouraged after this session. I feel scared about the worst thoughts, what if those aren’t intrusive. I feel so much doubt.

I struggle so bad with intrusive thoughts. They can be so bad that I'll cry because I KNOW that's not how I feel or want to do. (Too embarrassed to say what they're about) I'll constantly try to figure out why I have them, and constantly figure out what they mean, causing me to constantly circle around and around. I had to get on anxeity meds, which helped a little but the thoughts still happen. How do you help yourself with this? How do you know that you're just not some physcopath? 😅

Anyone ever have a conversation and think you said a intrusive thoughts out loud. Then you panic and go over and over the convo , reviewing it and remembering people's reactions,to see if they noticed your thoughts or read your lips? Sometimes it feels like I have to look away when talking as the thoughts could be shouted out if we make eye contact .such a powerful erge to say thoughts out load . . It's like the more you fight off the thoughts the louder they want to be . You can feel your self bubbling up inside . Then you get one and boom ,you think you've said it out load.