Nightmares

I’m o.o Okay. So if y’all have followed my posts, you might know I have this weird form of harm ocd consisting of slurs of any kind. So, I was asleep right. And reminder: I’m on prozac and from what I’ve seen vivid dreams are a side effect I think. So, I’m asleep. But then I remember thinking those thoughts almost intentionally but when I tried to stop them they came out at rapid fire. I woke up from that sleep cycle and figured that that was probably because my intrusive thoughts repeating while I’m sleeping was common for me. Except, this happened again right before waking up. And I was frightened, not by the slur itself, but by this fear that I intentionally thought that. After some rumination I’m almost sure that this was both dreams but I seriously don’t know, and if it turns out it was actually Me thinking that I’m gonna feel fucking terrible. Tl;dr idk if I intentionally thought an intrusive thought and at this point I’m too afraid to ask

so you know how the more you have an intrusive thought, the more likely it is to show up in your dreams? well coming from someone who is atheist/agnostic and is skeptical on some holistic/spiritual takes on things, i am having a difficult time wondering why my intrusive thoughts are showing up in my dreams the way they do. once i wake up, whether it’s right afterwards or later in the day, i’ll remember the part of my dream that is totally fueled by an intrusive thought. unfortunately it’s not pleasant and very upsetting. so, how do any of you deal with this? i get worried and wonder if it has something to do with my subconscious trying to tell me something/having a spiritual meaning or a higher power trying to tell me something. these are super common ocd subtypes too so i know it’s that. i just struggle sometimes with the rumination.

I keep having horrible nightmares of me doing terrible things to people. Like being a sexual deviant or something and it scares me and makes me feel bad about myself. Is this normal?