Scared

So i’ve been planning to apply for a job that i’ve always wanted to experienced and i’ve been looking at videos regarding that job. I was scrolling on tiktok when i stumbled upon someone on live talking about the job. i had a very bad intrusive thought and my anxious mind told me that in order to be safe, i need to find that exact live and fix the thought. i’ve been scrolling for the past hour and have not been able to find the account. my brain is not linking the job to the intrusive thought. why is this happening 💔

I saw a post saying that thinking about something for a while will bring it to you. Now I’m scared and panicking because I think about illnesses and getting a disease almost everyday. What should I do? Im very scared

Like I'm not even scared I feel numb and ever since that night I've completely went down hill Idk what to do the feeling i felt this time genuily felt like i liked it and i didnt even have anxiety at that moment and now I'm panicking I really hope this is still OCD like I'm sorry if I'm still asking for reassurance but im really worried like it felt good in that moment I don't understand what's going on like I hope it was a false feeling and not something real.....like this has happened before but Idk 😭😭😭😭 I really don't know what to I don't want to turn into a p word I don't this I've been sleeping all day I still do compulsions a little to get rid of the thoughts but I've been getting sexual thoughts too and I don't want them but I feel like I do I don't understand I though I was getting better but I guess every time I get better everything gets worse..