my partner reacted badly

content warning: mentions of sexual acts things took a turn for the worse and I ended up opening up about the intrusive thought I had about some random guy while self pleasuring and my boyfriend took it really badly. we calmed down pretty quick and he apologized but I don't know how to feel anymore. with everything else he has been so caring and gentle and understanding. I didn't expect him to be perfectly fine but it got really mean and I don't know how to deal with this. he has apologized and doesn't expect me to forgive him and also made it clear that he knows he messed up, I just feel so upset by how the interaction went. has anyone had a partner react badly for a moment but we're able to move past it? I know how exhausting it can be fir the partner of someone suffering so much and I'm not mad that he felt that way, I just feel so taken aback and in the moment it felt like a dream and everything was just a haze and so intense. please help I don't want to lose him and want to know if other people have worked past this before

Username: RaerenaeRaerenae

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 27w ago

I think the fact that he apologized is great — he realizes it isn’t you wanting to have those thoughts. I just wonder why you felt you need to let him in on that specifically (no blame!!! I know how it feels to really want to let people in on the experience of ocd to feel better understood and supported) but sometimes we disclose our thoughts because of guilt or reassurance seeking. Maybe this could be a relationship boundary for you two? Like he can know your theme but doesn’t need to know your exact intrusive thoughts?

Username: stxrmadsstxrmads

Date posted: 27w ago

i took a long winded way of asking questions that related to my issue but through a different lense like "how would you feel if bath blahblah" type of thing and eventually it came back on me and I confessed after he asked and it was a heated reaction and argument in the moment and felt very surreal, but we talked for a few hours in person and we are better. it sucked a lot and hurts still, but we are both in a place where we are understanding of each other and don't want to end this right now and would rather try to work together on this issue rather than let this mistake and heated argument be what takes us out. I made this post in the heat of the moment, freaking out and not knowing what to do. seeing him and talking with him in person, getting the full context of eachothers thoughts at the time helped

Username: ChibeeChibee

Date posted: 27w ago

Everyone’s given great advice so far. Just to add—As a rule of thumb, I don’t share the nature of my ROCD intrusive thoughts with my partner. People without OCD do not understand what it means to have continuous highly disturbing, UNWANTED thoughts. While they can experience random and upsetting thoughts, it’s something they can move past quickly and easily forget about. So they simply do not understand, and they will read our situations through THEIR perspective, and because they lack our experiences, they can misread it badly. Wishing you the best working through this! ♥️

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 27w ago

@chibiyu Ironically enough… I had an intrusive dream early this morning about my boss and even though I’m happily partnered to someone very understanding… I still wouldn’t, unless asked. And I don’t consider it lying by omission because I don’t think there is an inherent expectation by the other party to “confess.” At least I don’t feel pressure to. In previous relationships I did but not this one and perhaps it is because I feel “seen” for who I truly am by this person. My theory is that when you’re around people who both “see” you as well as accept you (different from being accepted but not seen) then… there is less of a need or even urge to “tell” everything to, because they see you… they get you… and it’s not by what you say/do.

Username: stxrmadsstxrmads

Date posted: 27w ago

I knew I shouldn't have told him deep down especially becauseit has created some hurt on his side even if he truly knows it wasnt my fault, but I was having a really hard time with the guilt and needing to confess because this is the first time I've ever have a thought like that I think, and had a bad reaction to it or was nkt able to refocus my thoughts. I think my ocd has steered more away from thinking about other people less now still there's or the worry of it happening again) though and is more focused on meta thoughts like what if I don't really have ocd, what if I'm using it as an excuse to not take accountability for bad thoughts, what if I'm being manipulative, ect. and as well as just my relationship in general. it's really hard to not just open up to my partner because I just want someone to hear about it and understand. I'm not in therapy yet I do think it would help me, but I just do not have the means for it right now unfortunately.

Username: ChibeeChibee

Date posted: 27w ago

@stxrmads I get this!! If you ever feel the urge to confess to your partner, maybe seek an alternative and visit the OCD forum! I sometimes post entire rants only to delete them after—they help my expel my emotions and worries without having to project them onto my partner. The best option would be to journal as a form of ERP. You don’t want to get into the habit of confessing on here since it can be a compulsion. But we move one step at a time. ♥️

Username: Anonymous 54...

Date posted: 25w ago

SCARED

Okay so i’ve had harmful thoughts about my boyfriend for some time now and i know that i don’t want to hurt him in any way but when i get an intrusive thought sometimes, it seems like im happy. i know that im not and when this happens i get so anxious and want to throw up because wtf i don’t want to hurt anyone. does anyone else experience this?

Harm OCD

Username: nae nae

Date posted: 6w ago

I'm sorry. Just need to vent. :(

This might contain triggering content, but I'm also wondering if others have dealt with this similar thought, and if so, how to deal with it? Overall, I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm able to eat again, which I hadn't been able to do because of how much anxiety I'd been experiencing. I'm spending time around loved ones and not just rotting in my room, and I've been able to wake up without immediately being bombarded by intrusive thoughts. When things first got really bad, I'd wake my mom up every night for reassurance, but I haven't done that in a while either. I'm really proud of myself, but there's still this nagging thought in my mind... While looking through others posts on here, hoping to find advice that'd fit my situation, I ended up making things worse. Someone mentioned how they had a fear that they'd purposely search for illegal content (related to POCD). I panicked, and "what ifs" flooded my thoughts. "What if the intrusive thoughts affect who I am as a person, and I do that?" I'm terrified that I'll search for those things, which I know means I wouldn't do it. But then, another person on here said they'd actually looked for those things, and that freaked me out even more. Does that mean it's possible for that to happen to me? I don't want to do that, but I keep having intrusive thoughts surrounding it. I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm just... stuck. I don't know what to do. I've spoken with other people who have the same fears, but how do I manage this? It's not something I've even thought about before seeing those posts. I've been practicing accepting the uncertainty, but I'm really struggling with this one. I hate this. This morning, I woke up, and the intrusive thoughts were back. It's just disheartening.

Username: andrea_sam730

Date posted: 27d ago

Self pleasure and intrusive thoughts :/

I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh

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