Is it normal in OCD to test yourself to see if you like something (POCD specifically) Sometimes I imagine scenarios or things to see if I have a reaction to them but then feel guilty about imagining it afterwardsโฆ
it's a compulsion to reassure yourself, and in the end will do more harm than good and make the feelings/thoughts worse. Do your best to put it a stop to your compulsions when you recognize what is happening. Remember ocd will make you believe the worst things that aren't true. You are okay and not alone. So many people experience exactly what you are dealing with.
testing myself used to be one of my biggest compulsions, like where I would try to prove things to myself so the fear would go away but it always came back..
Very normal, itโs a compulsion to find relief from your OCD but speaking from experience, compulsive checking works until it doesnโt. OCD adapts to try to keep you stuck and what used to give you relief will eventually cause you more anxiety.
I litterly do this to I have to visually look at a younger person in my mind to see if im attracted to them its so bad when I don't feel anything I feel relief then I don't fet thoughts intrusive thoughts and I feel good but then I have to go back and make sure again if I don't feel anything
I feel like if I don't think about it I feel like I've accepted it and I'm actually I feel like I'm attracted do I have to ince again visually look and imagine a younger person in my mind to see if I really feel anything
Then I have to do a compulsion like I have to touch something or go back and do something if I dont I feel like something bad is gonna happen to me the next day I feel like I might get cussed out or yelled at which I know isn't a big deal but for me it is beacuse I hate being screamed at or making mistakes I think that gas to do with childhood trama but it gives me anxiety and stress when I don't go back and do the compulsion beacuse my brain is like oh your a p word you didn't go back to touch the wall you didn't turn the lights off and on in a specific order and way it's just exhausting
sometimes, to try and prove my fear wrong iโll be like โ okay, let me think of this REALISTICALLY. would i REALISTICALLY feel this way or do this thing? โ then i come up with scenarios in my head on how i think i would realistically ( or logically ) do something but then my feelings go against that thing i thought of then i start getting anxiety and start to fear that i would actually want my fear to happen or that iโd feel a certain way that proves my fear true. itโs basically just checking how i feel about something i think of to try and prove my fear wrong, checking my emotions or checking how i think iโd realistically feel towards it.. but then i may react โ unrealistically โ it goes wrong and i freak out
Iโm really struggling with something related to me ocd, and I would appreciate kind and supportive advice. If you canโt relate or donโt think anything you have to say would be helpful, I kindly ask pls refrain from commenting this is a really sensitive topic for me. Recently, Iโve noticed a pattern that feels something extremely new and distressing. The first time it happened I remember telling myself before self pleasuring that I am in control no matter what thought comes into my mind because I wanted to prove to myself that these thoughts are just from OCD and I know who I am and an intrusive that came out of no where, and i suddenly felt an intense fear that I was acting on it. In the moment I genuinely felt like I did. And afterword, I panicked and started questioning myself. This SAME FEELING has happened three times in a row each time, the intrusive thought was unwanted and random, and completely against my morals most recently it involved pocd and it feels even worse because it generally felt like I acted on it the thought in the moment while I was self pleasuring the panic doesnโt hit until afterwards when I stop :/ I start thinking that maybe I generally made a mistake and Iโm now just realizing that itโs wrong because it generally feels like that :( but when I actually think about it again goes against my morals and values doesnโt make sense it feels incredibly real, and I canโt seem to shake this feeling off that I may have acted on it Iโm terrified because I never wanted these thoughts in the first place. And I definitely didnโt choose them. If I had known, I wouldโve had these intrusive thoughts I wouldnโt have self pleasured in the first place but itโs extremely hard to convince myself that this may be OCD because I feel like I have no other reason to believe that I didnโt act on it :/
Iโve been feeling the urge to avoid intimacy or purposefully engage (for reassurance that I wonโt give into a compulsion) because of intrusive thoughts and fear that Iโll โcheck/testโ my reactions. My OCD is making me so scared that Iโll purposefully think of a child and try to see if I like it. Itโs so complicated but I guess Iโm mentally checking if I would mentally check during intimacy. Iโve even envisioned myself checking and itโs making me so nauseous. I know itโs a compulsion like any other but the sound of โtouching yourself to the thought of a childโ sounds atrocious and vile. Iโm terrified Iโll automatically start checking next time I am being intimate. I truly feel so worried. If anyone has gone through something similar, Iโd appreciate hearing your experience. Or if anyone has any advice?
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