Is it normal in OCD to test yourself to see if you like something (POCD specifically) Sometimes I imagine scenarios or things to see if I have a reaction to them but then feel guilty about imagining it afterwardsβ¦
it's a compulsion to reassure yourself, and in the end will do more harm than good and make the feelings/thoughts worse. Do your best to put it a stop to your compulsions when you recognize what is happening. Remember ocd will make you believe the worst things that aren't true. You are okay and not alone. So many people experience exactly what you are dealing with.
testing myself used to be one of my biggest compulsions, like where I would try to prove things to myself so the fear would go away but it always came back..
Very normal, itβs a compulsion to find relief from your OCD but speaking from experience, compulsive checking works until it doesnβt. OCD adapts to try to keep you stuck and what used to give you relief will eventually cause you more anxiety.
I litterly do this to I have to visually look at a younger person in my mind to see if im attracted to them its so bad when I don't feel anything I feel relief then I don't fet thoughts intrusive thoughts and I feel good but then I have to go back and make sure again if I don't feel anything
I feel like if I don't think about it I feel like I've accepted it and I'm actually I feel like I'm attracted do I have to ince again visually look and imagine a younger person in my mind to see if I really feel anything
Then I have to do a compulsion like I have to touch something or go back and do something if I dont I feel like something bad is gonna happen to me the next day I feel like I might get cussed out or yelled at which I know isn't a big deal but for me it is beacuse I hate being screamed at or making mistakes I think that gas to do with childhood trama but it gives me anxiety and stress when I don't go back and do the compulsion beacuse my brain is like oh your a p word you didn't go back to touch the wall you didn't turn the lights off and on in a specific order and way it's just exhausting
I have this fear of being a psychopath or sociopath. All my life i was able to feel normal emotions like joy, sadness, guilt etc up until now where i suddenly gained this new fear of being a psychopath because i felt emotionally detached from my partner lately and i now feel like i emotionally shut down and like im on autopilot mode. Its like i cant feel anything right now, and to test myself i think of situations in my head that are bad (like someone getting hit by a car) to see if i feel any empathy and it scares me that i sometimes dont. I keep doing this over and over and i cant feel anything, im so scared of being evil or something. It triggers me when i see negative things on social media because im scared i donβt feel anything or not care about it at all. I never thought id be saying this but i WANT to feel sad or upset just so i know im not crazy.
sometimes, to try and prove my fear wrong iβll be like β okay, let me think of this REALISTICALLY. would i REALISTICALLY feel this way or do this thing? β then i come up with scenarios in my head on how i think i would realistically ( or logically ) do something but then my feelings go against that thing i thought of then i start getting anxiety and start to fear that i would actually want my fear to happen or that iβd feel a certain way that proves my fear true. itβs basically just checking how i feel about something i think of to try and prove my fear wrong, checking my emotions or checking how i think iβd realistically feel towards it.. but then i may react β unrealistically β it goes wrong and i freak out
Sometimes I think " do I like kids?" "Would i get aroused if I saw content with kids?""What if I'm a pedo and cant accept it?" "What if I'm ok with these thoughts?" "What if I'm not distressed enough " "What if I enjoy these thoughts?" , i avoid kids as much as i can, i cant look at them bc I'm scared I'm gonna have some groin like response. I keep testing if I'd get turned on or if I'd have some groinal response to sexual scenarios with kids. Sometimes I think that if I took my life this would be over and i wouldn't have to think about this and i wish i doubted something else instead of things like this. I had similar situations just with different topics such as if i loved or found sexually appealing a guy while in a relationship and i kept asking myself those questions for months and i avoided going to school for weeks and when I went I'd cry and have anxiety attacks. I had it with past actions i obessed over and felt the need to exploit every detail and be honest because otherwise i was being a fraud. I had it for sexual things that happened when i was a child. Im not diagnosed with ocd but should i tell this to my local counselor? Can someone help? Give me advice or tell me anything?
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