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I get what you’re saying. Most people with ocd feel they don’t deserve anything good in life because they are a monster. But OCD is the monster not you. The reason you feel you deserve bad things is because you feel like a bad person. The ocd attaches to this and convinces you of it. You should practice erp with the thought that maybe you deserve bad things and sit with the uncertainty. It’s uncomfortable but it’s helps to break the ocd cycle

Yep. :( it’s been getting in the way of wanting to recover from OCD as I feel like I deserve it bc I’m an inherently evil person. I try to remind myself that everyone has inherent worth and deserves a happy, good life, including myself, and that happiness is an unlimited resource, so there is no point in trying to starve myself of it, so others can „have it“. But like most OCD, it’s just practicing ERP, that will help it in the short term. Just not doing the self sabotage when you feel happy etc. BTW, I like your username! (Mushrooms are an interest of mine)