- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I wouldn’t care. The past is the past I love my girlfriend for who she has been with me and for who she is now.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Don’t dwell in the past. We’re humans and we make mistakes. The only reason you made a mistake was because you feel you did. I personally wouldn’t judge you for that decision. But really, don’t beat yourself up for something that can’t be changed you deserve to enjoy yourself for who you are now.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@lulu23 Thank you for your response. I googled online and saw a forum where men were saying they would never date someone who was a sugar baby or tried it. I got really upset. Everyday for the past 3 years I’ve beat myself up over it. These men got me drunk and just wanted sex from me, and I believed them. They just treat women like crap on those sites. I even went to NYPD special victims unit to report them for conning me but no proof and so many years have passed. The guilt eats me up. My ex boyfriend used to get mad at me and throw my past in my face to upset me so I’m afraid to date now. My parents raised me to be a Turkish Muslim wife so I carry a lot of guilt around this. It’s hard growing up with peer pressure in America and other cultural expectations at home.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@NYCgal I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. You deserve better. You deserve a better partner that won’t do that to you. One exists, don’t lose hope. I trust that you’re a great person especially since something like this is getting to you so badly. Most of all you deserve to feel better about yourself please take time to learn to accept yourself and live as happy as possible. The guys who talk bad about women’s past aren’t the guys you want to be with anyway. I understand why you’re going through this but just know you’re not a bad person for having a past you don’t like. You seem like a caring person to me.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I wouldn’t care, everybody makes dumb decisions, just as long as you learn from it then you’re fine. It’s tough to block out the guilt because of the ocd but it’s just the ocd trying to make you believe that, it heightens everything
- Date posted
- 5y ago
And I see your name has nyc, I live in ny too, you could get yourself into debt easily here, I’ve been there before
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yea I second this ocd creates guilt in the form of an intrusive thought in my opinion.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yeah I grew up on Long Island and work in nyc. I traveled also and got into credit card debt that I was drowning in and my family is toxic and emotionally abusive so I was out of my mind trying to pay off my debt and move out. Since I was sheltered growing up I learned lessons the hard way by making bad decisions and getting into trouble. The ocd eats at me. There was a time I was even looking myself up on porn sites seeing if I was secretly taped and posted on there. Constantly seeking reassurance and keeping the good girl reputation I was raised with. My mind suffers everyday.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Wow that sounds rough, but you have a whole life time to continue making your situation better
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@paul12345 Yeah now my debt is almost paid off. I lived in Dubai for a year and was in an abusive relationship. My bf would shove my past in my face and keep me isolated in his apartment with no money after I got laid off. I was cooking and cleaning and didn’t see sunlight for weeks at a time and was brainwashed to believe that I deserved it all. When I returned back to the states last summer I was so anxious from isolation I couldn’t even go to a grocery store without having a panic attack. Now I got a great job in the city, work as a cashier on the weekends, and did this all from will power and no insurance to get meds or anything. Since I am so busy now, I found the better help app for some online therapy for now, and waiting to get insurance from my job to see a psychiatrist for meds. Slowly but surely I’m building my life back but I still have ocd flare ups from time to time. My friends moved away or fell distant over time so I’ve been working and going home. The alone time makes my ocd worse. I think of the past and just overthink. I want to get back into dating again but I’m scared.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@NYCgal The way I look at it is that you’ve has enough strength to leave a shitty guy, and you sound like a great person trying to get her life back together. You know you deserve that or else you wouldn’t be trying.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@NYCgal I get really bad intrusive thoughts and anxiety and at the time it feels like it’ll never go away but it always does
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@paul12345 Thank you for your kind words. Are you on medication or do you have tools for dealing with the intrusive thoughts and anxiety? I saw an ocd specialist for 10 years and I’m 26 now. I can’t afford her anymore and I am on the online therapy platform. I learned the tools but it’s hard to talk to myself all day everyday with scripts. When I had insurance I was on adderall to distract me from ocd thoughts but it just changed my personality and made me addicted.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@NYCgal I’ve seen a therapist for only a few sessions and I took medication for a little bit but i stopped. I don’t want to tell my parents what I’m dealing with because I don’t want to worry them. Basically what I deal with is like magical thinking, I get intrusive thoughts of my friends and family dying/getting hurt and if I’m watching a movie or eating something I have to stop it or else I think somebody will die or get hurt. And when something bad does happen I usually think it’s somehow my fault
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@paul12345 When I was 5 my brother died in a car accident and my whole childhood I was always afraid my parents would die
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I’m sorry about your brother. I can see how that trauma has affected you and ocd. If you ever want to talk about that with me you can. I talk a lot as u can see lol but I’m I good listener as well. I have a problem confessing to my mother. All started when I was 14 and thought I was gay because I got a little turned on by lesbian porn. I used to not tell my mom anything and now I get relief from my obsessions when I confess for reassurance. The key to ocd is sitting with the uncertainty and anxiety and eventually it will go away but when I try to do the exercises it causes me insomnia and lack of concentration, which is hard with no meds and having a full time schedule. I feel like talking to each other on this app helps a bit because it reminds you that you are not alone.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Throughout my life I’ve had lapses of sometimes it being good, in control, manageable or just bad. Last year half the year was terrible and then the next half I had it under control but at the start of 2019 idk what happened and that’s when I started to take meds and seeing a therapist
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@paul12345 As in last year I meant 2018
- Date posted
- 5y ago
And yeah this app is great and could share anything without the feeling of judgment
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@paul12345 OCD is known to flare up during times of stress. It happened to me right before I left for college and just whenever major things are happening in my life. It’s so hard to manage sometimes so I get it. I’ve tried CBD oil and vitamins for sleep and anxiety in the meantime but sometimes it doesn’t work.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w ago
I have sent nudes before when I was younger and I am really struggling with the fact that I have sent them because it makes me feel like I am such a bad person and I don’t deserve certain things. I try my hardest to be a good person and do the right things but I obviously have made lots and lots of mistakes. I cannot get over these mistakes I’ve made because I judge myself so hard for them and it’s making it hard to function.
- Date posted
- 17w ago
When i was between the ages of 11-18 i was a very mentally ill and hyper sexual kid. I did a lot pf sexting, sent nudes, and even one video of me doing inappropriate things that haunt me to this day. I have changed a lot since then and realized that this was all jn relation to (TW!!) sexual abuse i experienced as a child/teen. I still feel horrible for the things that I have done and think about this daily. I beat myself up because I know it was wrong of me to act that way growing up. Im afraid that someone will find these texts/pictures/videos one day and it will lead to my complete humiliation. I want to throw up at the thought of people i know and love seeing me act that. Its not who I am or who I ever was. I regret that part of my life so deeply it hurts.
- Date posted
- 17w ago
Sorry if this is a bit of an odd post, but I’m wondering if there are any girls out there that have specifically struggled with shame around watching porn? A lot of my real-event ocd stems from watching that kind of content in the past, and for some reason it feels particularly taboo as a woman. As a young teen, I saw some genuinely disturbing things, and I think a lot of that was to do with having unrestricted access to the internet. However, despite lots of people telling me “that’s normal teen curiosity” it just never feels like it applies to me, and that I’m genuinely just a sexual deviant. I think because that kind of content is so graphic and overstimulating it’s really stuck in my brain, and I just wish I could turn back the clock and switch off the computer. I’ve recently been struggling with doing typical ‘girly’ stuff because I feel tainted and gross, and I just want to get back to feeling myself again.
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