Question for men: would you care if your girlfriend tried a sugar baby site in the past? I tried it with a friend when I was in deep credit card debt and I got out of a bad relationship. I was in a self destructive mode. I ended up getting taken advantage of and not given anything and deleting my account after a month or so. I realized after that these men treat women like prostitutes and it’s not like dating at all. I guess when I was in a bad place and naive I believed such things. I now obsess that no one will love me and I have to confess my past. I was raised to be classy and not promiscuous so I get a lot of guilt over this time in my life from a. Few years ago. Nowadays I work full time during the week and part time as a cashier on the weekends to pay off my debt and I wish I always did it this honest way.

Don’t dwell in the past. We’re humans and we make mistakes. The only reason you made a mistake was because you feel you did. I personally wouldn’t judge you for that decision. But really, don’t beat yourself up for something that can’t be changed you deserve to enjoy yourself for who you are now.

@lulu23 Thank you for your response. I googled online and saw a forum where men were saying they would never date someone who was a sugar baby or tried it. I got really upset. Everyday for the past 3 years I’ve beat myself up over it. These men got me drunk and just wanted sex from me, and I believed them. They just treat women like crap on those sites. I even went to NYPD special victims unit to report them for conning me but no proof and so many years have passed. The guilt eats me up. My ex boyfriend used to get mad at me and throw my past in my face to upset me so I’m afraid to date now. My parents raised me to be a Turkish Muslim wife so I carry a lot of guilt around this. It’s hard growing up with peer pressure in America and other cultural expectations at home.

@NYCgal I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. You deserve better. You deserve a better partner that won’t do that to you. One exists, don’t lose hope. I trust that you’re a great person especially since something like this is getting to you so badly. Most of all you deserve to feel better about yourself please take time to learn to accept yourself and live as happy as possible. The guys who talk bad about women’s past aren’t the guys you want to be with anyway. I understand why you’re going through this but just know you’re not a bad person for having a past you don’t like. You seem like a caring person to me.

And I see your name has nyc, I live in ny too, you could get yourself into debt easily here, I’ve been there before

Yea I second this ocd creates guilt in the form of an intrusive thought in my opinion.

Wow that sounds rough, but you have a whole life time to continue making your situation better

@paul12345 Yeah now my debt is almost paid off. I lived in Dubai for a year and was in an abusive relationship. My bf would shove my past in my face and keep me isolated in his apartment with no money after I got laid off. I was cooking and cleaning and didn’t see sunlight for weeks at a time and was brainwashed to believe that I deserved it all. When I returned back to the states last summer I was so anxious from isolation I couldn’t even go to a grocery store without having a panic attack. Now I got a great job in the city, work as a cashier on the weekends, and did this all from will power and no insurance to get meds or anything. Since I am so busy now, I found the better help app for some online therapy for now, and waiting to get insurance from my job to see a psychiatrist for meds. Slowly but surely I’m building my life back but I still have ocd flare ups from time to time. My friends moved away or fell distant over time so I’ve been working and going home. The alone time makes my ocd worse. I think of the past and just overthink. I want to get back into dating again but I’m scared.

@NYCgal The way I look at it is that you’ve has enough strength to leave a shitty guy, and you sound like a great person trying to get her life back together. You know you deserve that or else you wouldn’t be trying.

@NYCgal I get really bad intrusive thoughts and anxiety and at the time it feels like it’ll never go away but it always does

@paul12345 Thank you for your kind words. Are you on medication or do you have tools for dealing with the intrusive thoughts and anxiety? I saw an ocd specialist for 10 years and I’m 26 now. I can’t afford her anymore and I am on the online therapy platform. I learned the tools but it’s hard to talk to myself all day everyday with scripts. When I had insurance I was on adderall to distract me from ocd thoughts but it just changed my personality and made me addicted.

@NYCgal I’ve seen a therapist for only a few sessions and I took medication for a little bit but i stopped. I don’t want to tell my parents what I’m dealing with because I don’t want to worry them. Basically what I deal with is like magical thinking, I get intrusive thoughts of my friends and family dying/getting hurt and if I’m watching a movie or eating something I have to stop it or else I think somebody will die or get hurt. And when something bad does happen I usually think it’s somehow my fault

@paul12345 When I was 5 my brother died in a car accident and my whole childhood I was always afraid my parents would die

Throughout my life I’ve had lapses of sometimes it being good, in control, manageable or just bad. Last year half the year was terrible and then the next half I had it under control but at the start of 2019 idk what happened and that’s when I started to take meds and seeing a therapist

@paul12345 As in last year I meant 2018

And yeah this app is great and could share anything without the feeling of judgment

@paul12345 OCD is known to flare up during times of stress. It happened to me right before I left for college and just whenever major things are happening in my life. It’s so hard to manage sometimes so I get it. I’ve tried CBD oil and vitamins for sleep and anxiety in the meantime but sometimes it doesn’t work.