- Username
- c444tmommy
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Guilt is a normal emotion to have a normal amount of. Compulsions which cause the guilt to linger are not fair on you. The last thing you need on top of everything you're already dealing with is a new real-event guilt OCD. Because you say "my mind is making me", I'm going to respond to the post on the assumption that you've been developing guilt OCD of repeatedly thinking about all the stuff you feel guilty for and it making you feel worse. You/the OCD may have put him through stuff that wasn't fun, yeah, it sucks but it happened. You could feel guilty about it, but it wouldn't change it or fix it. You could analyse exactly what bits of it were your responsibility or down to your choices or the precise impact on him, all to know exactly how guilty you ought to feel. But it wouldn't help. It wouldn't undo it or give you closure or enlighten you. Guilt never helps except when it is accepted, felt, and used to guide future behaviour away from repeating mistakes. Dwelling on guilt helps nobody, makes nothing better, keeps you stuck and dooms you to repeating the same situation. My recommendation is to let yourself feel all the guilt you have built up, even the stuff caused/increased from the obsessing. Feel the emotions in your body only, DON'T do mental compulsions like ruminating, analysing, problem solving, looking for places you could've made better decisions, remembering good or bad memories, etc. Do none of that. Concentrate on the sensations of the feelings in your body. Do that until they're gone. It can take hours if you've built a lot up. After you've done that, you'll feel better. Less guilt-ridden thoughts, less urges to dwell on or solve them. In future, feel guilt before trying to solve it/analyse it and instead of doing compulsions, as often as possible. If in fact you haven't developed OCD compulsions around the guilt and you're just feeling pretty guilty about stuff it makes sense to feel that amount of guilty about, then what I said about feeling it instead of obsessing over it, is still what you should do. Feeling guilt gets you to the point of being able to accept what happened, forgive yourself and do better, as well as being able to identify what stuff is probably not your fault or what things you can't change. If you stay drowning in guilt, you'll feel so extra overwhelmed with that, that the stuff you know is a problem will inevitably continue. Feeling feelings brings you a clear mind, flexibility and an understanding of your options and can even mean you get really cool epiphany ideas about creative solutions to some of your problems. Continuing in your OCD may feel like you're scratching an itch but in truth you're digging a hole through your own flesh. It may be scary to stop doing damaging compulsions, but it makes our lives better: clarity, lower stress, more sense of choice about what we do/say and how we treat people.
I understand completely. I feel the exact same way when it comes to my family and boyfriend. I feel so guilty and ashamed because of my issues and everything they have had to deal with due to my mental health issues.
exactly and sometimes i feel like why would my bf wanna be with me when he could be with someone else that’s more neurotypical
I feel guilty too for what I put my boyfriend through. I love him dearly and he’s one of my biggest motivations to seek treatment and get better for the both of us. Guilt is a normal emotion to have, and it’s important to make space for it because we know what happens when we try shove emotions away ? One thing that could be useful is opening a conversation with your boyfriend about how he feels, how he’s dealing with this and so on. Supporting each other through hard times can be really helpful.
does anyone else feel like their partner deserves better than u especially because of how the rocd is affecting the relationship ? i have been finding reasons to get upset with my partner which causes arguments and i know it’s only because of the rocd. and he understands completely and he’s fine after everything calms down but i just feel like he deserves so much better than me because i’m not doing well with my rocd
I feel sad and guilty everyday. I can't get out of it and to be honest, I don't even know if I want to. Everytime I feel a tiny bit better, the waves of sadness come crashing me down and I feel lost and alone again. I can't fight anymore, I don't know how. I feel that even if I confessed to my bf, I wouldn't stop feeling this way because then just another thing pops up which I probably did wrong. I don't know how to live with this constant guilt, it is sucking the life out of me. And if I try to take it with me or not take it seriously, I think "what if you are just using ocd to cover up that you really did a bad thing" I can't go on, I have no hope left and I feel so desperate
18+ I was such a horrible boyfriend. I was friendly and flirty with other girls and I would always justify it by saying that I wasn’t cheating (which I never did). I also got super drunk during a family vacation and I don’t remember anything but I fear i may have kissed someone, even though my family has to me that I didn’t because they were with me 99% of the time. I realize however that it doesn’t take a physical act to hurt your partner. Flirting is just as bad. I don’t know why I was that way. I was always an attention seeking idiot. My guilty conscience led me to develop OCD. Now all I do is obsess over every day of my life trying to figure out if I did anything wrong so I can confess it to my partner. I wonder if I’ll ever be enough for her again. I feel so unworthy of her love. She is hurting so much and I can’t believe I caused her that pain. She tells me to let it go but I feel like she deserves to know who I was. She says she forgives me because I am no longer that person but I can fucking forgive myself. I’ve tried meditating and doing affirmations but it’s been months and I feel like I am tainted forever. I led her to believe that I was someone that I wasn’t. I told her I only had eyes for her but I still found other girls attractive and watched porn behind her back. I don’t know what to do. I don’t eat or sleep or do anything but be in my bed crying. I love her so much and I can’t believe I was such a piece of shit. I want to move forward but I don’t know how to. We’ve been together for over 5 years and I can’t believe I am just now realizing all this. I wonder if it’s too late. I’ve been an atheist for years and I’m even praying out of desperation. I hate myself
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