c444tmommy
- Date posted
- 5y
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
Guilt is a normal emotion to have a normal amount of. Compulsions which cause the guilt to linger are not fair on you. The last thing you need on top of everything you're already dealing with is a new real-event guilt OCD. Because you say "my mind is making me", I'm going to respond to the post on the assumption that you've been developing guilt OCD of repeatedly thinking about all the stuff you feel guilty for and it making you feel worse. You/the OCD may have put him through stuff that wasn't fun, yeah, it sucks but it happened. You could feel guilty about it, but it wouldn't change it or fix it. You could analyse exactly what bits of it were your responsibility or down to your choices or the precise impact on him, all to know exactly how guilty you ought to feel. But it wouldn't help. It wouldn't undo it or give you closure or enlighten you. Guilt never helps except when it is accepted, felt, and used to guide future behaviour away from repeating mistakes. Dwelling on guilt helps nobody, makes nothing better, keeps you stuck and dooms you to repeating the same situation. My recommendation is to let yourself feel all the guilt you have built up, even the stuff caused/increased from the obsessing. Feel the emotions in your body only, DON'T do mental compulsions like ruminating, analysing, problem solving, looking for places you could've made better decisions, remembering good or bad memories, etc. Do none of that. Concentrate on the sensations of the feelings in your body. Do that until they're gone. It can take hours if you've built a lot up. After you've done that, you'll feel better. Less guilt-ridden thoughts, less urges to dwell on or solve them. In future, feel guilt before trying to solve it/analyse it and instead of doing compulsions, as often as possible. If in fact you haven't developed OCD compulsions around the guilt and you're just feeling pretty guilty about stuff it makes sense to feel that amount of guilty about, then what I said about feeling it instead of obsessing over it, is still what you should do. Feeling guilt gets you to the point of being able to accept what happened, forgive yourself and do better, as well as being able to identify what stuff is probably not your fault or what things you can't change. If you stay drowning in guilt, you'll feel so extra overwhelmed with that, that the stuff you know is a problem will inevitably continue. Feeling feelings brings you a clear mind, flexibility and an understanding of your options and can even mean you get really cool epiphany ideas about creative solutions to some of your problems. Continuing in your OCD may feel like you're scratching an itch but in truth you're digging a hole through your own flesh. It may be scary to stop doing damaging compulsions, but it makes our lives better: clarity, lower stress, more sense of choice about what we do/say and how we treat people.
MadLove76MadLove76
- Date posted
- 5y
I understand completely. I feel the exact same way when it comes to my family and boyfriend. I feel so guilty and ashamed because of my issues and everything they have had to deal with due to my mental health issues.
c444tmommyc444tmommy
- Date posted
- 5y
exactly and sometimes i feel like why would my bf wanna be with me when he could be with someone else that’s more neurotypical
199903199903
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel guilty too for what I put my boyfriend through. I love him dearly and he’s one of my biggest motivations to seek treatment and get better for the both of us. Guilt is a normal emotion to have, and it’s important to make space for it because we know what happens when we try shove emotions away ? One thing that could be useful is opening a conversation with your boyfriend about how he feels, how he’s dealing with this and so on. Supporting each other through hard times can be really helpful.
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Anonymous
- Date posted
- 22w
i’m a bad person & can’t deal with the shame of it
i don’t know what changed, but in the past 1-2 weeks something switched in my brain and now i am obsessing over every mistake I’ve ever made, and i firmly believe the guilt i feel is justified. i am a pathological liar and i’m realizing i may have lied about more things than I ever intended to. i think i tricked myself into believing some things and now I feel awful that I’ve lied to myself and others about so many things. my mind is a mess and i can’t even tell what is a lie and what isn’t anymore. i also feel like i’ve been taking advantage of my boyfriends family who has financially supported me for these past few years, because i had convinced myself and everyone around me that my physical health & mental health was worse than it actually was. i never meant to take advantage or hurt anyone, but i can definitely say that i became complacent and comfortable living these past few years without having to worry about work, school, or really anything. i think i used “not feeling well” as an excuse to not do anything because i was too afraid to leave the house and function in society. i feel so awful and disgusted by my behavior and the guilt is eating me alive. i even feel bad using my phone because they pay for it, and feel bad being in my apartment for the same reason. i feel like everything about me is a lie and they’ve been paying for and supporting a person completely different than they thought. maybe i’m not who I portrayed myself out to be at all. i’ve felt so disgusting and so awful i can barely stand it. this morning i woke up feeling like i was suffocating, my chest hurt so bad and i felt like there was absolutely no way out. i really felt like i was dying. other than the lying, i’ve felt awful about things i did as a child where i didn’t know any better, or i even feel bad about my own thoughts and emotions that I have no control over. my mom says i’m being too hard on myself, and that i can’t help that i lie, but i don’t believe that. i think i deserve to feel this way and that i’m not being hard enough on myself. i lied and took advantage and therefore i deserve to suffer. i caused people to worry for me when it wasn’t necessary, when i was fine. i deserve to feel so guilty that i’m nauseous, i deserve to feel ashamed. i feel like i don’t deserve to eat or feel better, even though i desperately want to. i feel so guilty and so shameful i literally can’t function. i want to escape this feeling so bad, i want to get out of this guilt that’s keeping me from moving on and improving myself. i acknowledge that i have a lying problem, that it’s a mental illness, but i am ashamed of it and feel disgusted that i’m this way even though i can’t help some of it. i truly don’t know what to do or how to have compassion for myself. probably a good idea to share that my dad is a pathological liar and never received help, and i’m pretty sure i learned this behavior through him. not to mention all the stuff i did as a kid that i feel bad about, or the fact that i feel bad about things i can’t control. and i even feel bad about finding certain things funny. the guilt is killing me and i don’t know how i’m ever supposed to become a better person if i’m so sure that i’m undeserving of ever feeling better. in my head i truly feel like im a monster. i feel like i’m having a crisis because i’m realizing i lied about a lot of things without even really realizing it. or i deceived myself into thinking things. and I’ve lied about things for sympathy, for attention, to make myself seem more interesting, or to make me seem less pathetic than i actually am. i’ve lied about some serious things, and i’ve lied about things that don’t matter at all. i don’t know how to keep living. i want to go home to my apartment and be in my safe space, but i feel disgusting being there when i’ve taken advantage of my boyfriend’s family, even though it was never my intention. no matter what I do and where i go, i feel wrong. because i’ve done so many bad things and i can’t forgive myself. i feel so morally wrong i can’t stand it and i don’t see things ever getting better. i feel like I’m going crazy and i feel so alone. i can’t escape this guilt no matter what. and i feel overwhelmed because I know this isn’t something that can be fixed quickly. am i ever gonna be able to live without shame ever again? am i ever gonna be able to do the things i love again? the things that brought me comfort? nothing brings me any comfort, and i spend all day in bed or sitting around doing absolutely nothing because i can’t distract myself. i can’t stop thinking about all the things i’ve done no matter how hard i try. i obsessively read and look up online things to try and find reassurance. i feel like i’m going crazy. and i just feel so sorry. to everyone. and i’m so extremely ashamed of my behavior. i can’t stop obsessing about the past, the present, and the future. don’t i deserve to feel this way when i’ve lied and done bad things? even if it wasn’t my intention, or if it’s a result of a mental illness? don’t i deserve to feel debilitating guilt when i’ve been a bad person? even though i know i never had any bad intentions, i don’t think it matters. am i gonna feel this way forever, where everything i do or everywhere i look, im reminded of the the things ive done?
ness08
- Date posted
- 22w
Guilt
I woke up very late today because my son kept me up all night because he is teething so I didn’t fully wake up until 6am. These past months have been crippling because of my ocd, depression and anxiety. So crippling to the point I have been terrified to leave my bed. Because I haven’t been leaving the room often I am starting to come off as lazy to my mother in law and I have been slacking on helping around the house. My mother in law has surgery on Tuesday and needs us to help out more. I got up to do the dishes the other day and had to stop because I was having a flare up and felt like I was going to over heat from anxiety. I laid down and never finished the dishes. Today she came home really mad at my husband and I because we haven’t been helping and the guilt is eating me alive. I want to apologize but I don’t want to bring up how I have been feeling because I don’t want it to come off as an excuse. I don’t want this to lead to a point where I’m suffering because of it and I don’t want it to ruin her perception of me. I just feel awful that I’m letting this take over my life. Moments like this make me feel useless and I lose hope of ever getting better. what if I never get better. She does so much for me and I’m letting her down💔
issphra 🫶🏻
- Date posted
- 12w
Does anyone else’s OCD or brain..
cause immense guilt when receiving gifts? Or when someone is nice to you, the guilt just floods every vein of your existence. I feel so awful :( awful about my compulsions, about some of my thoughts, about who OCD has made me. My boyfriend just gifted me something, and I have such a heavy feeling in my chest. Worst part is: when I’m not feeling guilty I’m spiraling over that gift was enough, if it could’ve been “better.” I feel like an idiot. I don’t understand why I’m like this
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