Hey guys, just wanted a bit of advice as I’m sure my friends are sick of me constantly asking them for reassurance and to be there for me. I use to be very close friends with this girl who had kids with a complete an utter nasty piece of work, anyway when they were together I was friendly with him as he was with my close friend and that’s only right, even though most people despised of him, I never see the bad in people. Then when they broke up he came to my home a few times to chat and for advice, which I gave him, he then tried it on with me sexually and I obviously declined in which he didn’t like, I then had the decency to tell me friend the mother of his children and it back fired on me for trying to be the good friend by telling her the truth, she then took his side in which I lost all respect for her as I was trying to do right by her for telling her what had happened as o hate things like that on my mind. After this he came to my house and threatened, send me a whole load of abusive threatening voice notes too like the vile human he is because of course he got found out. I drifted away from her because of the situation and clearly trying to do the right thing was the wrong thing, we have briefly spoke since this happened a few times within the last three or so months. This caused me to have severe ocd and have the worst paranoia, I don’t want her in my life, I don’t even have her number saved but today she turned up at my door unexpectedly just to ‘pop in’ although I don’t want anything to do with her, the whole situation makes me feel ill, makes my ocd bad and bad paranoia. What can I do?

First off, I’m sorry you’re going through this. You did the right thing by telling her and distancing yourself from them. Does the guy still harass you? Does he go to your place? Can you get a restraining order? even report if he threatened you. As for the woman, if she comes back I’d tell her (with the door closed) “why bother come here since you clearly sided with the guy and chose him over our friendship/mutual trust. I’m really hurt by it and I need to be alone. Please leave”

Thank you for your kind words bless you. I called the police, the police came and I have a statement and they advised me to call 999 if he turned up again, or update them if any more happened. I have nothing to do with him, I was petrified. I’ve only lived on my own for one year, it has made me very ill in the head, but I’m worried if I text her and say don’t come ever again etc because that situation made me ill I am worried other people will then be told that. But I don’t want anything to do with her, as far as I was concerned our friendship was over then and there. Xx

Lots of hugs ? I wouldn’t worry about her for now. I’d tell her if she shows up again. The way she’s making you feel is not good, you need to be surrounded by supportive friends. Living on your own is hard, you’re doing great. You’re worried that others would know you get sick? You’re a human being, as much as it sucks to feel sick it’s okay. You’re always welcome here to talk. Do you feel sick all the time? If so I would suggest seeing a therapist. Maybe you have PTSD from your experience? I have that from my attack. :(

The paranoia I have is because of the guy, he truly made me feel so ill. I had a boyfriend who was very abusive physically and mentally before and even that didn’t make me as bad as what something as small as this has ?. I have problems with my mood too, like very extreme mood swings (I think I mentioned that on a previous post) and I’m seeing a mental health team to get a diagnosis hopefully. I have had a lot of therapy before but it hasn’t really helped that much. The paranoia which that idiot has set off has made me believe I’m going to go to prison, someone is listening to my phone calls, checking to see if houses down my road windows are closed because I believed they could hear inside my house, so frustrated and so disappointed that I have let some nasty piece of work do that to me ?. I’m sorry you have PTSD I have heard a lot about that, it must be awful for you ? I’m so sorry to hear that and I hope you are on your way to recovery Xx

Thank you. I’m glad you’re getting the help that you need. I feel the guy who is a tool added onto your experience with your ex being abusive. Mine was like that. Things kept piling up (even though I didn’t think much at the time). I really wish you a speedy recovery. It’s no fun living like this. You deserve to be happy. Lots of hugs. We are here for you. You’re not alone!! ?

Wow so.... I’ll tell you what I would tell a friend.... you need to run from that situation. You have rights. He came on to you. And your friend is an idiot for taking his side. my nerves would be shot too if someone did that to me. And I’ve been there too with the paranoia thing. Can you talk to your therapist or doctor? They should be able to point you in the right direction.

If you’re otherwise safe and ok to want to do something without further involvement - consider pointing in the direction of a women’s shelter hotline.