- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I had the same thing happen and got through it. We are married with a baby now and I feel deserving of his love. It really is in the past. You aren’t that person anymore and it’s your ocd that’s making you feel this way.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you for responding. It means a lot. How did you find self forgiveness?
- Date posted
- 4y
@Azl When my ocd targeted something else, I realized it had been ocd and forgiveness was a never ending compulsion. Pureolife gave really good advice.
- Date posted
- 3y
Did you think you cheated? I have done the same thing and would love to know if it’s cheating or not
- Date posted
- 4y
Please STOP confessing to your girlfriend right now. (1) it is a compulsion, (2) you’re making her part of your compulsions, and (3) it is cruel. You need to separate her from managing your ocd and get treatment. Seeing an ocd specialist would be the best option, but you can also join an ocd support group, sign up for an ocd online course, or buy an ocd workbook. Whatever you choose: do it on your own and stop sharing your intrusive thoughts with your partner. It is incredibly unhealthy for both you and your relationship. You did not develop ocd because of guilt. You have a lot of guilt because you have ocd. Spending all day every day trying to “forgive” yourself is likely a compulsion. And my guess is that with your current strategy it will never happen. You need to get real treatment for ocd and learn to handle the discomfort these memories cause without performing compulsions to confess, erase, or make up for your intrusive thoughts. If you treat your ocd, your relationship can greatly improve. But it’s on you to do it!
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much I am starting ERP on the 30 but how can I forgive myself if my partner doesn’t really know who I was? I feel like she has a false image of me and I want her to know who I was so she can make a decision on wether or not she wants to stay with me. I feel like she was living a lie and I feel so bad about it.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Azl The question you just asked is your obsession and what you’re doing with all of these compulsions is to try to solve it. I cannot solve it. And neither can you. Treatment will not involve solving this. It will involve the exact opposite: learning to stop solving it and to manage your emotions and anxieties without compulsions.
- Date posted
- 4y
I went through a similar thing last year. I was watching porn behind my girlfriend’s back and finally came clean and quit porn. The guilt and shame stayed for a very long time. I found myself confessing over and over, feeling the need to tell her ALL the details to “make sure” she knew who she was staying in a relationship with. After a while, it became hurtful to our relationship because (1) your partner doesn’t really need to know all the details (2) it’s a compulsion to keep confessing becuase you are just seeking this feeling of being “good enough” for the relationship (3) your partner is NOT your therapist. For me, I believe it is actually more loving to our partners if we do not treat them as our therapists. They can be there for you and support you in what you are going through, but they do not have to know every little detail. It puts an unnecessary strain on the relationship. One thing I found helpful when talking to my partner is that I would talk about “process” and not “content”. Instead of going into all the details and seeking an answe to my heavy questions, it is more helpful to say “hey, I’m feeling anxious right now and I am in my head a lot. I don’t need you to fix it, but I just want to let you know this is what I am going through.” That way, you are still being open and communicating, without seeking reassurance that your feelings are true or false.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much for replying. I am going to incorporate all of the advice I’ve received from you guys. You guys are right. My current strategy is getting me nowhere, if anything it’s making things worse. All I can do is love my girlfriend with all my heart and stop stressing if I’m good enough. If one day she decides that she doesn’t want to be with me then I’ll deal with it when that day comes, but until then I’m going to treasure the moments we do have. I love you guys I wouldn’t be here without y’all ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
Do you think you cheated or not?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Hello, I unknowingly have lived with ROCD or OCD (not sure what one. I’m new to this). It has ruined so many amazing romantic and platonic relationships and I am so sad that just now I am finding out what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe life would be different if I have known. My OCD and anxiety is at an all time high (ATH) due to some horrible events that have happened in the recent months. I am at the point where paranoia has taken over my life now. I had my first panic attack a few weeks ago where I fainted. My anxiety attacks are so extreme I go thought cognitive distortion that has lasted days. My girlfriend of 3 years is my emotional guardian and she no long has the energy to be that and honestly it’s not her responsibility to be that. She is bi and wanted to have an open relationship and for someone who has OCD this has not been good for me. She also was assaulted in my own home by a good friend of ours when I was out of town but it’s not a clear situation because it sounded consensual at first. I just left my very high paying job. I am financially secure but the job was emotionally abusive and looking back made my OCD worse. I am taking some time off to get my head right…but now, all I have to do during the day is live in my OCD. I’m very happy I finally figured out why I act the way I do but I don’t know if I can get better quick enough to save my relationship. I have never been so worried about myself (M 28 years old). I am a confident young professional and never thought I would be writing on a page like this. Anyway…I hope it gets better.
- Date posted
- 17w
Tmi warning I was being intimate with my bf and I kept getting the name of someone else pop up, but I didn’t feel anxious. Afterwards, as much as I tried to delay confessing, I couldn’t help it. I confessed. My bf was fine he said I probably didn’t feel anxious because I’ve gotten used to the anxiety and it’s okay, it doesn’t define me any more than it would if I was anxious. A few minutes later, he got upset and said that the confession kinda ruined a blissful moment. I’m so upset that my head feels so turbulent I didn’t even notice it was a blissful moment for him and could’ve been for me. I feel so awful. I haven’t slept in a day, I can’t stop crying. My bf is afraid that because this specific name keeps popping up, it might mean something and he feels less than sometimes because of it. I know I shouldn’t have confessed but I felt so safe that it was like a dam broke loose. I feel so awful. What’s worse is that I’m still scared it means something, I’m scared that my boyfriend’s fear is right. He’s very understanding of OCD and how it manifests in me and everything, I think I just kinda messed up a sacred moment and I feel so much guilt and confusion and just horrendous. I’m not even fully anxious. I don’t know what to do. I apologized a lot but I feel like I don’t deserve him and so selfish
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- Date posted
- 12w
I’m a 23 y/o female who has recently entered a phase of obsessive thoughts of mistakes I’ve made, ranging from events that happened over a decade ago when and I was a kid up to things that happened recently. I feel so much debilitating guilt I can’t do anything or function. I especially feel bad for this one instance. I have always had extremely low self esteem, and I often seek attention and validation especially from men. I like being liked. I find myself trying to act or look cute, or even act somewhat like a pick-me, so that I feel liked. I feel like I may even do this with girls too, but especially guys. I just really like attention, and I’ve been in a stagnant 6 year relationship where I don’t really feel desirable, and I’m very lonely. A few months ago I started playing a game where I met a large group of people and we would all play together everyday. One of the people in particular was a 15/16 year old guy who flirted with me a lot, and I kept my distance because he was so young, and I felt kinda weird talking to someone younger than me, but we would still talk sometimes because we were apart of the same discord group, and I have a problem being stern and confrontational so I didn’t want to be mean or make things awkward in the friend group. Although it made me uncomfortable that he was so young and that I’m nearly a whole decade older than him, and I did make it clear that I was dating someone and I was way too old for him and I would tell him to stop, I wasn’t very stern and I was very lighthearted about it and I even found myself liking the attention I got from him. I was flattered. I liked that he liked me so much even though I knew he was a teenager and I feel like I was maybe even seeking attention from him like I did with the other guys in the group. And when I say seeking attention, I mean that I was acting cute so that I was liked and got attention. Is that considered flirting? Was I flirting with him? Does this make me disgusting? That I liked the attention I got even though he was teenager? That I acted cute around him as well as all the other guys so that he would like me? I feel disgusted with myself. Does this make me a predator? Doesn’t this make me disgusting that I liked attention I got from a teenager? To be fair, I like the attention I get from any guy. I just like feeling liked. But I feel like it makes me disgusting that even though I knew he was a teenager I still liked and was flattered by the attention and was possibly even seeking it out from him. My head is all messed up. I really feel like I’m having an identity crisis. I feel disgusted with myself to the point that I’m nauseous. I’m so ashamed. I’ve been crying nonstop for days on end and I feel truly hopeless. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life with this shame and that I’m convinced that makes me a predator or a sick person. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things or not. I just really need some relief because I feel like I’m losing my mind, but I want someone to be honest with me about my actions.
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