- Username
- Just another OCD guy
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I had the same thing happen and got through it. We are married with a baby now and I feel deserving of his love. It really is in the past. You aren’t that person anymore and it’s your ocd that’s making you feel this way.
Thank you for responding. It means a lot. How did you find self forgiveness?
@Azl When my ocd targeted something else, I realized it had been ocd and forgiveness was a never ending compulsion. Pureolife gave really good advice.
Did you think you cheated? I have done the same thing and would love to know if it’s cheating or not
Please STOP confessing to your girlfriend right now. (1) it is a compulsion, (2) you’re making her part of your compulsions, and (3) it is cruel. You need to separate her from managing your ocd and get treatment. Seeing an ocd specialist would be the best option, but you can also join an ocd support group, sign up for an ocd online course, or buy an ocd workbook. Whatever you choose: do it on your own and stop sharing your intrusive thoughts with your partner. It is incredibly unhealthy for both you and your relationship. You did not develop ocd because of guilt. You have a lot of guilt because you have ocd. Spending all day every day trying to “forgive” yourself is likely a compulsion. And my guess is that with your current strategy it will never happen. You need to get real treatment for ocd and learn to handle the discomfort these memories cause without performing compulsions to confess, erase, or make up for your intrusive thoughts. If you treat your ocd, your relationship can greatly improve. But it’s on you to do it!
Thank you so much I am starting ERP on the 30 but how can I forgive myself if my partner doesn’t really know who I was? I feel like she has a false image of me and I want her to know who I was so she can make a decision on wether or not she wants to stay with me. I feel like she was living a lie and I feel so bad about it.
@Azl The question you just asked is your obsession and what you’re doing with all of these compulsions is to try to solve it. I cannot solve it. And neither can you. Treatment will not involve solving this. It will involve the exact opposite: learning to stop solving it and to manage your emotions and anxieties without compulsions.
I went through a similar thing last year. I was watching porn behind my girlfriend’s back and finally came clean and quit porn. The guilt and shame stayed for a very long time. I found myself confessing over and over, feeling the need to tell her ALL the details to “make sure” she knew who she was staying in a relationship with. After a while, it became hurtful to our relationship because (1) your partner doesn’t really need to know all the details (2) it’s a compulsion to keep confessing becuase you are just seeking this feeling of being “good enough” for the relationship (3) your partner is NOT your therapist. For me, I believe it is actually more loving to our partners if we do not treat them as our therapists. They can be there for you and support you in what you are going through, but they do not have to know every little detail. It puts an unnecessary strain on the relationship. One thing I found helpful when talking to my partner is that I would talk about “process” and not “content”. Instead of going into all the details and seeking an answe to my heavy questions, it is more helpful to say “hey, I’m feeling anxious right now and I am in my head a lot. I don’t need you to fix it, but I just want to let you know this is what I am going through.” That way, you are still being open and communicating, without seeking reassurance that your feelings are true or false.
Thank you so much for replying. I am going to incorporate all of the advice I’ve received from you guys. You guys are right. My current strategy is getting me nowhere, if anything it’s making things worse. All I can do is love my girlfriend with all my heart and stop stressing if I’m good enough. If one day she decides that she doesn’t want to be with me then I’ll deal with it when that day comes, but until then I’m going to treasure the moments we do have. I love you guys I wouldn’t be here without y’all ❤️
Do you think you cheated or not?
People can change right?? I did terrible things..even last year. Probably even this year. Which would make me my fears. But I regret them so much,I generally just want to move on and be a better person, but I feel I don't deserve to..this isn't ocd making a little bad thing bad, these things were terrible. And I know it,, everybody would know it. I just want to love myself for who I am today, not my past. I chang everyday but I generally feel so much guilt and disgust. The ocd with intrusive thoughts that I wanna do it all again. Makes me feel I still am my fears...I hate it so much. This wasn't 1 mistake or 2..or even 3. It was so so so many disgusting, horrible,shameful mistakes. I did for years and years. And I mean 11+ years.
i can’t move on. the guilt and shame over my actions but also struggling to remember and 100% know what happened because I was very drunk is crippling. i hate this feeling. i quit drinking because nothing is worth losing her. i feel I done something awful like semi cheat or cheat and i feel the urge to confess. i even told to my partner about the situation and she forgave me and let me with so much grace and yet i still feel like there is more to confess even tho if she’s moved on why haven’t i when im the one who was a horrible person. like i ruminate and kick analyze and essentially find/create another detail that i dont even know if its relevant or real. my partner is the love of my life and i never want to hurt her and we plan on getting married so why does my brain try and convince me i want other people when all i want is her and our life together. then if i get too drunk it’s like my subconscious comes out and tries to sabotage my life and go against all of my values and trys to get me to act on intrusive thoughts? i can’t even put it into works im so confused and feel so lonely and shameful and at rock bottom. everyone is always telling me how good of a person i am and how incredibly lucky they are to know me and i feel like a fraud and a horrible person because of my mistakes. how do i move on and recover. and then everything becomes and obsession and my comparisons worded and it’s a downward spiral. anyone else shave similar experiences or helpful tips and ways to move forward without guilt. i just want peace and love.
This is the first time I’m posting here but I really need to. Basically, I have known this boy for about 4/5 years now. We usually just talked on snap as we were too shy to meet irl. We were just friends. He did have feelings for me for a long time it I didn’t until recently. I did him really bad as 2 years back, when I got into a relationship. I blocked him out of no where. I know it’s really bad and a messed up thing to do but I was dumb. I hurt him a lot. A year or so later I realised my mistake and reached out to him again with an apology (me and my ex broke up by this time). I helped him get a job with me. So we started working together as well. During this time once again I didn’t have feelings for him. But sometimes he would flirt and stuff. I’m kind of a bitch. A few years ago, and even a few months ago I’ve said a few bad things about him behind his back to other people. Like bad things. Just to give you guys an understanding I’m 18 atm. Old enough to know what’s right and wrong but I still messed up quite a bit Recently, we have started working a lot more and meeting in real life unlike before. And I have caught feelings in the past few weeks. We both confessed. Aren’t official yet as I’m worried about my parents finding out (I’m not allowed to date). I feel really guilty tho. Whenever I talk to him, I remember the past and the things I’ve said about him and just want to confess. I’ve confessed a lot of things already and he’s told me that the past doesn’t matter. But I still feel the need to confess. I know for a fact that my feelings have changed a lot towards him. I feel like I took him for granted in the past and his attention for granted but I really really like him now. I’m started to love him. But these feelings of guilt keep coming in my way. Please help me.
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