- Username
- F*ck Hocd
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I just want to love women, but this FUCKING HOCD WONT LET ME. To make matters worse I woke up with an intrusive thought of “I hope she’s a man” and that freaked me out. Someone also told me I was in denial as well. I was venting about how my HOCD makes me feel like I’m in denial, and the guy tells me, TRIGGER WARNING ““Because in a way, it is.” Like what the fuck? Your not alone on this one ma’am. I promise.
If you are on your period you will feel better in a few days! For me it is always more difficult when I am on my period and especially the day before it starts. I realize that I get way more thoughts and that they try to latch onto anything that is going on around me and turn it against me. They feel more real too. It is exhausting but at least I have kind of an explanation for what is going on. I try to disregard, not engage with the thoughts or figure them out no matter how urgent they feel. Try to accept that you simply have a harder time right now and allow yourself to feel scared or stressed, there is nothing wrong with that but don't get into analysing or testing, try to go for walks or do some sports and just take it easy and be kind to yourself! Don't fight the thoughts, in a few days it will all feel less important, you won't even remember half of the things that put you off, I promise ❤
This crap just feels super real. Don’t worry. I have just about burnt myself out with checking. I keep on feeling compelled to masturbste to the thoughts, and my head tells me I like them, but I am always super distressed and get very turned off when I try. I also get these tingly feelings in my hands and mouth if I try to think about it that makes me feel like I would enjoy the sensation which makes it more confusing. Just let the thoughts be there. We will get through this.
Also, definitely in the same place with the false attractions.
Hey, and let me put it this way. There are at least a good 20 people going through this atm. About 2% of the population is LGBTQ identifying. Assuming that percentage is about the same in the OCD population, it is very unlikely any of us are actually what we fear. A good chunk of the 2% is taken up by LGBTQ identifying individuals who do not have sexual obsessions, and a smaller chunk is probably take up by people who fear they are straight. All 20 of us have similar symptoms, so the more logical conclusion is that we are all just going through this shit. If we have faith in the ERP, we will probably come out of it fine.
I have talked to a lot of people, and they seem to agree and experience WAY worse OCD on their period. Try chilling while doing self-care. Take it easy ❤️
Thanks a lot guys I feel a lot better now:)
The thoughts are oh so bad again. I even can get turned on by the thought of being sexual with a girl but I really don’t want it. ( I’m a girl ). At least I don’t think I do. I looked up questioning sexuality and it said THIS MAY TRIGGER YOU— it said that if you fear it, it may be because you want it because “sexual attraction can be scary”. I don’t want to be with a girl but I feel like lately that’s all I can think about. I can’t even get turned on or get off ( sorry TMI maybe ) to the opposite sex but I can so easily with the same sex even though I don’t really want to. This is so scary I’m not sure what to do.
Okay so I have been struggling with HOCD for so fucking long. I never felt like I had crushes on boys growing up but I wasn’t attracted to girls either (this was through 5th grade). Until 6th grade hit. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had the thought walking up the stairs and it was “You’re lesbian.” And ever since that thought was there and I fought it I have been dealing with all types of OCD ever since (been going on for 7 years). And only this year I found it was OCD. But it’s hard because I don’t know if I’m actually gay or I convinced myself I’m gay because I gave up and gave in. Now whenever I see I pretty girl I feel tingling. And I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t a lesbian so I look up pretty pictures of girls with their boobs out and I loved it. And I wanna make out with a girl so intensely. But then at the same I don’t wanna be in a relationship with a girl and I wanna marry a guy and I just desperately wanted to be like by a guy. But I get so horny whenever girls are in bikinis and stuff. But I have OCD and I’m so confused.
So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?
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