- Username
- F*ck Hocd
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I just want to love women, but this FUCKING HOCD WONT LET ME. To make matters worse I woke up with an intrusive thought of “I hope she’s a man” and that freaked me out. Someone also told me I was in denial as well. I was venting about how my HOCD makes me feel like I’m in denial, and the guy tells me, TRIGGER WARNING ““Because in a way, it is.” Like what the fuck? Your not alone on this one ma’am. I promise.
If you are on your period you will feel better in a few days! For me it is always more difficult when I am on my period and especially the day before it starts. I realize that I get way more thoughts and that they try to latch onto anything that is going on around me and turn it against me. They feel more real too. It is exhausting but at least I have kind of an explanation for what is going on. I try to disregard, not engage with the thoughts or figure them out no matter how urgent they feel. Try to accept that you simply have a harder time right now and allow yourself to feel scared or stressed, there is nothing wrong with that but don't get into analysing or testing, try to go for walks or do some sports and just take it easy and be kind to yourself! Don't fight the thoughts, in a few days it will all feel less important, you won't even remember half of the things that put you off, I promise ❤
This crap just feels super real. Don’t worry. I have just about burnt myself out with checking. I keep on feeling compelled to masturbste to the thoughts, and my head tells me I like them, but I am always super distressed and get very turned off when I try. I also get these tingly feelings in my hands and mouth if I try to think about it that makes me feel like I would enjoy the sensation which makes it more confusing. Just let the thoughts be there. We will get through this.
Also, definitely in the same place with the false attractions.
Hey, and let me put it this way. There are at least a good 20 people going through this atm. About 2% of the population is LGBTQ identifying. Assuming that percentage is about the same in the OCD population, it is very unlikely any of us are actually what we fear. A good chunk of the 2% is taken up by LGBTQ identifying individuals who do not have sexual obsessions, and a smaller chunk is probably take up by people who fear they are straight. All 20 of us have similar symptoms, so the more logical conclusion is that we are all just going through this shit. If we have faith in the ERP, we will probably come out of it fine.
I have talked to a lot of people, and they seem to agree and experience WAY worse OCD on their period. Try chilling while doing self-care. Take it easy ❤️
Thanks a lot guys I feel a lot better now:)
So looks like I’ve hit a wall I haven’t hit ever with this ocd. If you can even call it ocd. I genuinely feel confused. Idk what’s real or not. Idk what my mind or body wants. I feel so stressed out. My thoughts don’t give me anxiety anymore and sometimes it genuinely feels like I want it and I’m just hiding it. I don’t get it. I even lost attraction to this girl I was madly interested in. I don’t know what to do anymore really. I see any dude and my mind automatically starts thinking “you’re attracted to him” literally every single guy I see. I’m not even kidding. I really don’t get what’s going on with me. I haven’t been diagnosed yet because there are no ocd specialists in my area. My mom told me once she thinks she has ocd and my aunt as well. But their ocd seems more like the “traditional” type of ocd where you can actually see their compulsions. I think I struggled from Religious ocd a few years back. Also with my ex girlfriend there was a period where I struggled with ROCD I believe but got over it. Now Hocd has definitely been the worst and what makes it worse is that I actually had a gay experience but even after that I didn’t question my sexuality. I maybe would get the ocasional “you’re gay” thought but wouldn’t pay it attention and it just went away. But now it just can’t leave my head. This has been going on since February. I used to be crazy for women, don’t know what’s wrong with me. I even had sex with the girl I really like about 2 weeks ago and really enjoyed it! But now my attraction for her seemingly disappeared out of nowhere when this hocd bull starts acting up again. I’m so tired of this.
To my fellow female SOOCD sufferers: I had some really good two weeks with some moments of clarity where I could see through all the bullsh*t my brain is producing. However I got pulled back in the cycle and here we go again 🙄 Atm I‘m not even that panicked about liking girls it is more about my attraction to men that I‘m obsessing about. I don‘t get aroused by just seeing a hot naked guy. I do fantasize more about being touched and everything by a guy and being wanted by him. Sorry if this is tmi but I‘m stressed that this means I don‘t like men enough and that Leads back to my fear of being in denial about being a lesbian. Because then I worry that I could be aroused just by the picture of a woman even if that has never happened before. And also men can get of just by lookin at pictures of hot woman, does that mean that if I am a straight girl I should be able to get turned on by just looking at good looking guys? This has been confusing the hell out of me and the whole concept of comphet hasn’t helped as well. Anyone who can relate?
So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?
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