I had an awful intrusive thought/half-dream (I was in the weird place between awake and sleeping lol.) and it actually started off fine but then my brain said “this is a child” and I literally panicked. I was kind of aroused when it started and I feel so guilty about it. I know the body responds to what is “sexually relevant” but it’s such a scary, awful, disgusting feeling, I feel like a terrible person for having this come into my head. Like I secretly want it

Dreams are definitely scary when it comes to OCD. Especially because we live in a world where all kinds of signals suggest that dreams are “important”, symbolic, etc. Freud in particular. And while Freud was central to the birth of psychology, much of what he proposed has turned out to be patently wrong. One of the more dangerous myths that emerged about how humans work is the concept of “repression”. Modern film continues to perpetuate this idea. End of the day, repression has very little to do with who and how we are. So could your dream secretly be trying to tell you something important about yourself? I guess. But ask yourself this: in how many other instances have you allowed your dreams to dictate the direction of your life or determine how you think of yourself as a person? Have you ever killed someone in a dream? I say this, but I know that the rest of the day might still be hard for you. Maybe tomorrow too. You are by no means alone in experiencing this. I can totally identify. And I’m happy to report that the more I do ERP, the less I care about the content of my dreams. Still bothers me, but waaaay less.

Sharing your story has helped tremendously. ❤️

Thank you guys. @fivel you summed that up beautifully. One of the great things that OCD has taught me is how so much of what we think is correct about psychology, usually perpetuated by the culture, isn’t really true. It’s funny, I’ve ALWAYS had violent dreams. Dreams where I’m being murdered, chased, in shooting, or hurting other people. It’s awful, but I kind of just roll with it because I know that it doesn’t indicate anything about me. My OCD has created these dreams (I honestly don’t remember ever having sexual dreams like this before my ocd began) and have made me think it’s something “important.” I’ve said this before, but what really scares me is when I feel aroused by them. I know men have erections constantly through the night and dreams are dreams, but it’s so awful when you know you had a dream like this and experienced that feeling. Has this happened to you at all?

Gotcha. So you totally have been where I am. It’s great knowing I’m not alone here

Hang in there, my friend. You’re going to get through this❤️

It’s definitely happened to me. But I’d avoid allowing that to reassure you. Lean into the ambiguity as best you can, even as it rips you apart. The scariest element, for me, is letting go of my conception of myself as fundamentally good. I desperately want to hold onto that image. Buddhism suggests that most people recreate the self over and over, and that suffering arises from that clinging.

God has gotten me through so much.

POCD. Have struggled with HOCD in the past

Check out The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chödrön. I found it because Jon Herschfield and Tom Corboy recommend it in their Mindfulness for OCD Workbook. And if you like that, you can read When Things Fall Apart, which is a bit longer.

100 hundred percent. I’d hug you if I knew you in the real world! The struggle is so real.

ERP. Are you working with someone who has a background in OCD? I really really loved my therapist who I worked with for years, but realized after a time that I was coming to sessions with more knowledge about OCD than she was. And, in fact, I was seeking and getting reassurance from her that soothed me at first, but was unproductive in the long run, even though she was a kickass therapist in many other ways. After treading water for several years on the OCD front, I decided that I needed to sit down with someone who had actual expertise in OCD treatment. ERP has made me way more tolerant of passing details and the spikes of daily life. Am I thrilled about it if I wake up and discover I was aroused during a dream that I find unsettling with my waking mind? Definitely not. Does it make me anxious? Yes. But I feel way freer from the sort of ruminating that as recently as six months ago would have derailed my day. It’s strange, because the process has meant giving up some of the moral objections to “bad thoughts” that I want to cling to. That clinging is tied, again, to my desire to see myself as good. Counter to OCD logic, giving that up has not rendered me bad. I’m not running around suddenly acting on my intrusive thoughts because I stopped sitting and contemplating them for hours and hours. I’m just paying less attention to them. Which is to say: regardless of any insight I can offer, I don’t think you’re gonna arrive at a new perspective today that makes your dream any less scary to you. But I do think you can make that happen in the long run.

Thanks for that explanation, that’s very helpful actually. I have a similar situation with my therapist. I *love* her, and I think she’s knowledgeable about OCD, but she sometimes doesn’t fully acknowledge it (she’s much more of a spiritual and cerebral kind of person and thinks those things can help when dealing with difficult issues.) and I definitely understand feeling like I know more about OCD. THAT being said, she was the one who first explained to me about having intrusive thoughts and that changed my life, and has provided some great insight into the mind and acceptance of these things. I also sometimes get apprehensive opening up because I know deep down I need to see a specialist, and I don’t want to tell my parents about this (still live at home/on their insurance.) I’m going to look more into ERP that I can do on my own. Hearing your story has been really inspiring. Maybe it’s reassurance, but it feels so good knowing I’m not alone in this very specific area of OCD. Dreams used to be easy as pie for me, now it’s become the worst part.

That’s very interesting. I need to look more into spirituality, it’s usually helped me in the past. I’ve always worried that I’m not a good person or that I think I was and when I die I’m going to find out I’m secretly not a good person, that whole time lol (it sounds so crazy written out.) What kind of OCD do you have if you don’t mind me asking? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want

That makes me feel so good. Thank you so so much ❤️❤️

I just noticed your book suggestions Fivel! I will check them out. I love Hershfield’s stuff, I have his other book. I know we kind of touched on this earlier, but how did you “accept” feelings of arousal during those dreams or thoughts (especially for POCD.) I’m always looking for specific advice.