- Username
- stardustnchaos
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Well said! OCD really sucks especially losing yourself and being able to find yourself again.
I feel like this everyday, sometimes I struggle to believe this can happen to anywhere where you doubt who you are so much.
Do you have a therapist that understands OCD and specializes in ERP? It would be nice if we could just pray or wish OCD away, but thats not how it works. The longer you go untreated, the worse your OCD will get. Recovery is possible, but it takes time and hard work. But through ERP, you can break the OCD cycle. No matter how many compulsions you do, OCD will never be satisfied. Doing compulsions offers short term relief and long term misery. ERP is not fun or easy. But ERP offers you short term misery and long term benefit. But only you can decide if you are ready to begin treatment. I lived with untreated OCD for 37 years. I didn't even know I had it. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety years ago and never thought to question it until this summer. Prior to that, my knowledge of OCD was very limited. I thought OCD was handwashing and liking things neat and organized. It was only when I learned about other subtypes that things really started clicking for me. ERP has been lifechanging. I haven't reached recovery yet, but I will get there.
It seems so common to get misdiagnosed with anxiety. I’m so sorry, but glad as well you finally got the right diagnosis. I have read that because we are so often misdiagnosed, insurance companies are basically blind to the need for OCD treatment because we are within the anxiety bucket.
You need to accept that change is will happen in ourselves with or without OCD. You are not your OCD, you are a person living WITH OCD. You are a million things. You are not just this one thing. Don’t let it tell you otherwise either. You can learn to live with your thoughts everyday and still be you. It doesn’t need to become your personality, but a small part of you. Everyone goes through a period with their OCD where they wish they could make it go away. But maybe you should stop to ask yourself, how bad will this really be if I learn to accept that this will be a part of me everyday. And recovery will not be linear, but I am strong enough to do exposures and not give into compulsions and learn to like who I am right in this moment.
thank you so much ❤️ it's very challenging and throughout my life i've had on and off periods where i've felt like i've lost myself. i'm proud of you that you are being strong in your recovery, i'm trying to get brave enough to seek help, but i'm not so sure my insurance will pay for the kind of help i need. so i am trying to stay strong in any way i can. it is hard though, and there are some days where i just have to lean into my feelings and accept that these are mine even if they aren't necessarily factual. ❤️❤️
@stardustnchaos You can check the NOCD website to see if your insurance can cover, if not, NOCD is pretty affordable. You can always speak to your therapist about payment options too.
@Jesse Miller i have no money atm ❤️❤️ my insurance unfortunately doesn't pay for NOCD.
@stardustnchaos Depending on your insurance, you can try to get a referral from your primary care provider to an outside provider if the insurance company doesn’t provide ERP. I’m trying to do that now and hope it works out. My insurance doesn’t usually cover out of network stuff.
@azaleas good luck ❤️❤️ i might try that :)
I feel like this all the time💕
I was just thinking yesterday looking back on photos of me from about four years ago around/before ROCD started, I have since become significantly less smiley, and honestly most days just feel like a shell of myself. I just started ERP here and hoping for the best.
constantly asking myself if i really have ocd, or if it’s denial. but at this point, it doesn’t matter. my guilt will just consume me anyway, no matter what it is. shame will take its place, the intrusive thoughts will linger. i believe time heals. but time cant heal shame. what if i’ve really become what i’m most scared to be? what if i always was? the guilt from the past will always bring back the same thought: “you are a monster. look what you’ve done. you’re in denial. it’s not ocd. why do you even apart of the community. you’re fake. denial. denial. denial.” i await the day pure happiness comes. the day i wake up and feel alive. the day i forgive myself for everything. the day i realize who i am. i pray i am not what i fear. though, i live with the uncertainty. this era in my life, if i ever overcome it, will always be remembered. it hurts to think about. one day having to share this horrible story. will i have to share why i felt the guilt? or will i keep it locked up forever? what will make me feel better? patience. praying for peace. let the day come.
When I look at pictures of myself, I see a young woman who deserves a fulfilling life that is not dictated by OCD and anxiety. I feel sad that so much of my time, my energy, and my choices have been consumed by OCD. I spend so much time in my head, ruminating and worrying and trying so damn hard to figure out that one thing that my OCD urgently presses me to solve. Sometimes I don't enjoy things that I want to because I'm overwhelmed with my compulsions. I've struggled with this for years, and lately OCD has been telling me that the struggle will never end--that I'll never feel in control of my life. I know that this isn't true, but I'm so scared that it could be. My faith doesn't feel bigger than my fear right now. How do I change that? I don't want to live like this anymore. As I'm writing this, my OCD is telling me that I'm incapable of recovery, but I know I can recover. I deserve to recover. I'm in therapy with an OCD specialist outside of this app and I'm going to increase the frequency of my sessions from once a month to once a week because I deserve an amazing, fulfilling life. And to whoever is reading this, you do, too.
i'm tired of the fear of becoming something horrible. im tired of feeling like i'm an irredeemable monster. im tired of thinking about what happened every hour of my life. im tired of the fear of being a bad person. im tired of never feeling like i deserve anything. i'm tired of the ruminating, the anguish, the guilt, the regret, the pain, the anger at myself. i dont know what i want. it feels as if making my life better will be like excusing my actions. i feel like i deserve this pain. my genuine emotions feel like a facade. im so scared. i dont want to be a bad person. why did i think it was okay in the moment. why.
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