- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thanks for sharing your current experience. I would say that you should be very proud of yourself for 1st noticing the anxiety, distress, and discomfort and letting those feelings of anxiety, fear, etc. be there.This is a perfect time to as I like to say "practice" ERP. Practice not analyzing any of those points you mentioned and place your attention on this present moment. Feel your feet on the ground, take a deep breathe, go for a walk, read, go hangout with a close companion, or play a sport. Not avoiding the discomfort, but choosing to do things you want to do and not give any attention to dwelling on that.The most important part being the response prevention. Not easy, but part of the work. When this type of situation occurs and we are in environments in which we are organically exposed to distress, use this as an opportunity to practice doing the work! This allows for two things; showing yourself you can handle and tolerate it, and also letting your body know that although you feel uncomfortable you are willing to keep doing whatever it is you are doing and getting on with your day! This is the foundation!
i feel this exactly. let me know if you wanna chat
Thanks. How can i reach you?
It can be so hard when it seems like "everything" is triggering you. It is especially hard when OCD latches onto what you value - your hobbies, your people, things that make you "you". But this is a great opportunity to take a step back, identify what your triggers are, write down a list of compulsions and or safety behaviors you're doing before/during/after these events, and try to set up some manageable but challenging exposures for these things. Anxiety snowballs easily - the more you avoid these triggers, the more avoidance you will experience and want to do in the future. It's hard but pick somewhere you can challenge yourself with and get started - you've got this!
I can’t anymore. I really can’t. The what if I am attracted to them. The “why does it have to be a man with a woman” (which by the way- I only now get when women are talking in love songs. And whenever I look at any couple). I am just tired. Tired of feelings like crap. I just want to go to what I was before, but was I like this before? Have I always been like this? I am tired. My anxiety levels are ALWAYS the worse at the morning. I am starting to obsess whether I like this friend now! And it doesn’t matter how much I try to accept it, it doesn’t go away. Like there is still something wrong. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. At this point. How can I still be straight? I literally get triggered by everything. And how can I just not be gay? I have no reason to think that but it feels so real. It’s like I have no sexuality at all. And this is all that I can think about every single hour of my day. I am even thinking about this in dreams! I even wonder that the fact I am so upset right now is because I am scared of telling people and that they won’t accept me. When I don’t even know who I am myself. I am so done. What even is this? Have I always been like this? I am getting flashbacks and it’s telling me I have.
I tried to do exposure by reading lesbian experiences, especially women who discovered late in life that they are lesbians, but I'm too triggered now. I'm crying and I'm having panic attacks. Also I've been obsessing a lot since Friday and yesterday I tested myself by looking at pictures of Maddy the euphoria's character and I felt a sort of attraction I don't know. I'm so tired, I can't live like this anymore.
I get triggered by so many things. It's always video games. I will always ruminate and I can't stop. It's terrible
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